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Here In the Ep Too...

I feel like I don't know what I'm doing.
With some people I just click, and it is easier to be myself, but on the whole, I struggle a little bit. I don't know how to interact like everyone else and feel like an outcast. I suppose some of this is by design, cuz I hate to be a follower, but it really sucks to feel like a loner all of the time. So many of my reactions here just feel like a failed and flailed attempt at social contact. When I mean it, I am quite authentic, but I just can`t get over feeling a little bit uncomfortable when I just try to fit in. Everyone seems so warm and familiar with each other here, but I don`t as much as i would like. I always feel like I`m about to put my foot in my mouth. Maybe its just cuz I suck at small talk. I wonder if I am as socially inept as I feel.

Cinderelly Cinderelly 36-40, F 12 Responses Nov 29, 2007

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I know exactally how you feel. I feel the same way too.

1). You don't have to get along with everyone you meet. Sum ppl will like u & sum ppl wont, (Surely there are some ppl that u don't like that much?) Its okay that's just the way life is.<br />
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2). I hate following ppl too,( believe me a sheep is the last thing i ever want to be=). But if u hate following ppl y do u care so much about 'fitting in'? Dare to be urself, ur more then enough.<br />
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3) Maybe ur trying to get ur worth out of how ppl react to u. U have this idea in ur head that if sum1 reacts to u one way then it is good and ur self esteem goes up a few notches. Whereas if sum 1 reacts to u in another way u think, "oh no, I've failed". Dont let how ppl treat u determine ur worth.<br />
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4)The truth is what ppl think of you (or what u think they think of u, because u cannot read ppls minds in the first place) doesn't change the person that u r.<br />
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5)Don't rely too much on your feelings, They're always changing. You don't have to let ur feelings control u. We have control over our feelings (contrary to popular belief) Do u think actors would ever get a movie finished if they went by how they felt everyday?<br />
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6)Nobody's perfect and every1 has their issues <br />
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7)Seeing a professional will really help. Look 4 answers. Kill the root and u kill the problem=] hope this helped.

As noted by the comments, many people here can relate. I am no exception. I am socially awkward in real life and was here too when I first joined. I would fearfully post a comment or story and then immediately think how idiotic it was. Some people didn't respond. Some people did, but left abusive comments.<br />
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Eventually, however, I started to feel more comfortable posting comments and stories. I am by no means "over" my social awkwardness. I am also not "Mr. Popularity". The more I tried, however, the easier it became. Perhaps it will be so with you.

yea I relate to your story. sometimes I'm even hesitant to friend people because I'm afraid i'll be rejected in real life. Or if someone doesn't reply to my comment or email I feel like I've been rejected. I know its retarded but the fear is real.

Me too, I feel the same way. i'm super sensitive about stuff like that, even on here.

I understand the predicament, I have similar issues myself. One path to success I have noticed (on the few occasions they've manifested themselves), involve tweaks to generic questions that immediately come to mind. An example: why they study their field/continue with their job (currently a uni student) as opposed to simply sticking to the question of what they do with their lives and consequently attempting to relate to their perspective. Sometimes this materializes through similar feelings you have about something you are passionate about. Alas this is all easier said then done, hence I am going out with old friends and my brother to go drinking downtown instead of going to a frat party of my roommate's cousin - where I know nobody and am extremely anxious. Which is another thing we all have to learn to do; mainly, get out of our comfort zones! I moved across the country (with much difficulty) for godsake, but this battle is lost. Thank god for text messages...

I can so relate with you people, Cinderelly, Andalusz and GeorgeElliot .. I have almost the same issues.. and I really wanna fix that.. Let's find a way guys.. and please do share so we can overcome it.. Everything's got a solution..

Interesting to hear these comments. Very similar patterns, it would be good to understand some of the psychology behind it all.<br />
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'Every seems so warm and familiar with each other....' other people may see us at our best and feel the same.<br />
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I agree that some crowds just dont deserve to 'hear my story'. I also get ashamed of myself smiling all the time and asking other people about their lives without any truly engaging response. I feel people can sense uneasiness despite my attempts at beng nonchalant, and stiffen up in response. Fed up being a 'people pleaser', used to think this was a good thing.<br />
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Like George i can do small talk and appear to be self-confident to a certain extent, but would be described as 'polite' rather than someone that everyone feels relaxed with.<br />
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As toexist demon<x>startes, most people here appear to be thoughtful and considerate, with a degree of intelligence, yet i have a similar failure to express myself verbally. Sometimes I have no real idea what i am trying to say myself, despite all the planning!<br />
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I am sure nobody feels this way all the time, but for the one or two people that matter, I try to be honest emotionaly, but is not easy.<br />
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This is the first time I've done this, so I hope it works. I just read your story, and I relate easily to it. This stuff is so complicated, it's hard to know where to start. I definitely click with some people, and have done so in the past, but they seem to be fewer and further between these days. Small talk, most of the time, is work for me. Oddly, many people have told me that I seem like a real extrovert and am good at small talk. But, generally, I am inept at schmoozing, mingling, and meeting new people in group settings. It seems very unnatural to me. Some people are "funny" and witty; I try, but I just don't have that kind of group personality. I think I have a very active sense of humor, and some people over the course of my life have found me very funny and fun to be with; but, I'm no fit with those people who effortlessly fit right in.

Amusing indeed!<br />
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But even with the how to`s it seems to do nothing with getting reins upon the bubbling anxiety within, that makes me second guess my every action and pre-thought! <br />
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I get freaked out in social situations and never feel as calm as everyone else looks. There are certain places that I'm ok in... but pretty much everywhere else I feel like some ghost of myself just acting out the motions of what `normal` is. Crap!!<br />
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Here in the EP though, I just shouldnt hold so much weight in the things I say. Except for those things that are meaningful and important. Everything else should just be my best and left, and not worried about afterwards. <br />
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Meaning- no more undoing myself and regretting words and feeling stupid. Let it go. Words may be forever especially in this format, and we all hold our responsibilities, but should we really fret and worry over every way that we think that it maybe came across to others??? Aaaagh!! NO!! :)

i empathize completely...i suck at things such as networking, meeting new people, hanging out in crowds...first dates are painful...as you said, the small talk is horrifying...dont know how to start a conversation, or, most times, how to maintain a conversation. things sound so good in my head, but then come out of my mouth completely disjointed. perhaps there are talkers, and listeners, and some continuum in between, and people like ourselves sit at the end of the listening extreme. <br />
someone gave me a manual once how to start conversations, which i thought was amusing.

Interesting stuff... and ty for the responses. :)<br />
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I should say that I wrote this in one of my more awkward moments, and as late I`ve changed my views about this place... I seem to feel to have found a certain equilibrium in my actions here, and the intent within. I think maybe I just took it all too seriously in a nonserious way, meaning...<br />
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I just maybe shouldnt be so hard on myself when feeling that I'm not good enough.<br />
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Yeah.

Ask yourself... what is it about being like everyone else that's so appealing? Personally I find people who express themselves a little differently, who view the world a little differently, and maybe don't shout quite so loud are FAR more worth listening to than the teeming masses, with their incessant drivel ... <br />
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... after you've been interrupted and talked over for the 6th time at a party by the SAME person telling the SAME story ...<br />
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... your story is undoubtedly better, your personality is undoubtedly less abrasive ...<br />
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So ... perhaps it isn't that you're not worth listening to ...<br />
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...maybe this crowd just doesn't deserve to hear your story