Always Wrong Or Wronged?

I think i am socially inept . 

I have made alot of friends in the past years when i was still studying. 

I was a great listener, great advisor and a good friend , as many used to say. 

After for awhile, I met guy A. We shared many experiences together. As soon as we became close, he did not allow me to go out with my friends. As a result, the relationship with many of my friends were strained. 


The only person that I have talked to for more than 10 minutes is to Guy A. When i realised that, this was causing me to lose alot of my friends. I broke up with him. Now after 2 years being single and pushing myself at every atempt to reconciliate with my buddies have failed. However, i do have a few true friends who stick to me.

While I was in a relationship with Guy A , there were quarrels with my friends in school. This actually made me feel alienated from the class, even from my lecturer. When I am in class, I can feel that everyone is gossiping about me and chiding me. I had tried to hold my ground of befriending with them again. Some would ignore me  while others just could not be bothered and probably just fake an understanding expression. There was once when i was talking about something as girl yawn out loudly. 


That incident scare me so much. Till now, i dare not strike up a conversation. I dare not be close to anyone, anymore. I always kept myself in check on my behavior my speech and my facial expression.  I became more active on the net. I poured out my feelings and relate my daily incident as an anonymous person. Until one said I was an attention-seeking *****. I am at my wits end. I tried to consult a few good friends. But i dare not say anything . I figured It would just embarrass me further. 


I may sound desperate. Trust me i am not .I just need to know what is wrong with me ...Was it my personality my attitude. I stare at the mirror  and even talk to myself to make sure if i had unintentionally given off some unwanted non verbal cues. A friend once advise me to be myself . I kept telling myself that I was being myself when i was in school and this started the quarrel. Was there anything wrong somewhere?


Now, i am working i have a good relationship with some colleagues ...butthat friend of mine reminded me that there is alot more to learn since i am only 21 ...


(sorry for the grammatical and punctuation errors...i am at work writing this ... : )

jheroine jheroine
18-21, F
1 Response Feb 18, 2010

It is when the "chips are down" that tests the character of people. Friends who turn away when you are having bad times are not friends at all. Keep the ones you have and be happy with them. Don't worry about the others. They are not worth the time and effort. Relax and be yourself. It is not necessary to try so hard to win people who are not worth the contest. Enjoy who you are and try not to stress about such things. I have been where you are and I understand how it feels. There will always be people of greater, or lesser good around you. Love them all, but be close to the ones who are true.