Not Now, But For Years I Was

I do not consider myself to be socially isolated now, but I was for quite a long time. I was a very serious student, and did not find others to connect with regarding my studies. I went to a commuter school where everyone just split right after class. If I had no plans to hang out with anyone, which was often, I would just spend all night in the library. If I had no plans for the weekend, that's where my weekend would go. I remember one day during the summer when the weather was glorious when I was in the library staring out the window. I began crying because the years of my life were passing and I felt like I was missing out on life. The irony is that I usually dont find other people's company very stimulating except in a few cases. So the reality is that I probably would have been happiest right where I was. But I was thinking about the way things should be and was frustrated that I had fallen into an abyss. The life blood that surged in my veins urging me irresistibly toward romance seemed to be flowing away as the days and seasons passed by. I was translating a book at the time. Ultimately, it helped me improve my language abilities, but quite often what I was working on would not pan out quite as I would have liked. Friends would tell me that they really enjoyed my company, but it was not often that I would actually end up at one of their parties. Again, there was a part of me saying that it was a waste of time anyway; but then I did not always know whether my "productive" activity would count for something. I eventually solved the problem when I moved and became a fixture in a nice cafe culture where I live now. I had developed various walls and barriers as a result of the pain that I felt that it took a while to overcome before I could get back to the person I thought I should be.
citoyenvert citoyenvert
31-35, M
1 Response Jan 21, 2013

Some friendships occur naturally, but most you have to work at. That's what I have learned. It's easy to scorn others if they're not like minded. I am glad you have found a circle of friends in RL.