Now, I know what hikikomori is. It's when families move out of their home because their 27 year old shut-in son is an abusive bastard. But as far as the other experiences here so far go... yeah, I sort of fit the bill.

I have always been a homebody. Always preferred first video games, then the internet and music to socialisation. Never had a job, had very few friends in my life, no girls. Go to college, parents take me there and back, never otherwise leave the house.

Odds are this is all down to my horrifying appearance. Or is it just my social retardation? I have been through all possible explanations in my head, and either of those two seem to be the culprit.

Then again, I never been that compulsed to participate in society anyway. Not that I am strong opposed to it, just vaguely apathetic and bitter.

Even at home there's no escape from the guilt. One example; I try to avoid mirrors because I am a hideous ****. Literally the most hideous thing you've ever seen, and that's no defensive, self-deprecating claim - it's the closest to an objective conclusion I can muster. Anyway, looked in mirror earlier and realised what I looked like once more - your mind kind of distorts the nasty truth if you avert thinking about it. Seeing that swell head, filthy gormless hook nose, hideous hair, huge donkey ears and teeth was enough to convince me that right, no more wanking or even thinking of girls. Gonna try and be celibate. We'll see how that goes. People never learn though, do they.. I also feel guilty for every other thing you can think of, won't go into that though, this is just my current trip.

So, how's my life? I dunno. It's alright.

lucozade lucozade
2 Responses Mar 21, 2009

I can , but learned how to socialize though using the internet , Im Jobless , but i serve my duties to people in public & well my own intelligence had led me to become the real "Jeremy the Nowhere Man , im only partially broken out of this , though thanks to joining Aikido ,but then i took up Miymoto Musashi's Teachings & the Dokkodo . (this seems useless)

can relate to that.