8 Full Hours of Sleep

 I receive many, many calls in the early hours of the morn. The following are a few choice favorites.

1. "Hey, dude. I was just thinking about the word platypus, and…"
2. "What are you doing tomorrow…I mean…today?"
3. "Do you have the time?"
4. *Incoherent yammering…possibly Chinese*
5. "Can you give me John's number? He has my pipe, and I kinda need it right now."
6. "I'm hungry. Let's go to IHOP."
7. "Question: is it ok to get pissy if your Dealer starts encroaching on your comfort boundaries?"
8. "Ffffuuuuu…what's…who did I call?"
9. "Dude, guess what!"
"What?"
"I just had sex."
10. "Why, Zelig? Why, why, why, why, WHY does he do this to me? *cries*"
11. "Let's ****, hooker."
12. "How do you pluralize clitoris?"
13. "I'm bored."
14. "Penis. Boobs. *****." *click*
15. "**** EXPLODED! EVERYTHING'S GOING TO HELL! Are you available to work right now?"
16. "I am taking a **** so huge, Poseidon may need to be invoked for flushing."
17. "You know that song we wrote the other night? The one in Pelog C? ******* trippy. I came up with a title: 'Twilight Testicles.'"


Yes, the majority of my friends who call me while I'm comatose are usually (a) stoned, (b) drunk, (c) bored, or (d) distraught [choose 2]. Since I'm usually awake anyway, I'll answer your call. Unless I hate you. Or I'm busy.

And the sun's always rising in the sky somewhere,
And if young hearts should explode
From all the lies they've been told...
To live through one night like this,
I would trade it for the silence...

zeligocity zeligocity
22-25, M
19 Responses Feb 14, 2009

Yeah, now I have to look up #12. That's something everyone should know.<br />
<br />
Your list made me laugh :) Sounds like some I've gotten.

Best story ever!

Party pooper. ;)

#1 sounds totally like something I would say. I talk about platypi all the time.<br />
<br />
And I believe "clitoris" would be pluralized as "clitores."

Are you kidding? I love it when people do that **** to me. Gives me fodder for making fun of them later.

Haha exactly. I'm surprised my friends still put up with me...

That must make for an interesting conversation. :D<br />
<br />
"DUUUDE! So I totally just figured out how to incorporate Euler's Identity to Chuck Norris jokes! Makes them...more....*snore* "

Hahahaha. I wake up at 4 am with ideas that seem awesome at the time, so I call someone to tell them about at, but end up falling asleep before I even finish the sentance.

Hooray for friends I can call at 4 am!!

You always could :P

Now that I live alone, I get freaked out at home easily. Can I call you at 4 AM now? *SMILES*

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As long as you're not talking to me while you're diddling your doodle, yes.

If you ever called me, and the conversation involved platypuses (-pi? -*******? -es?), it would awesome.

If I ever called you, it would totally be like the first one.<br />
<br />
Clitorii?

CK: I have too many. No. :P<br />
<br />
Krypton: Due to the wide, wonderful world of Murphy, I wouldn't be surprised if I get THAT call sometime soon.<br />
<br />
CS: EXACTLY!

How DO you pluralize clitoris?

"Can I borrow your ******* phone for my own personal amusement?"

I'm just about to call you and try to give you my damn cat who woke up me up at 4 ******* 30. "Dude, you wanna cat?"