Never Learnd

I never really learned HOW to socialize. School certianly didn't teach me anything about it, everyone hated me, then no one knew me and i just sat there, then I dropped out... It's kinda hard to be an adult without havign been a teen, never having any friends until I was an adult and on my own. except for online, but that's very different. And even on the net I'm often not very social, even when I want to talk with someone. I also have OCD and anxiety problems which have pushed people away from me a lot in my life. I'm not easy to socialize with, and I don't really know how to make it easy. I need people to reach out to me is what I need. And I also need to not pull away or blow off people who DO reach out
AngelaDark AngelaDark
31-35, F
4 Responses Dec 27, 2007

We should get together! LOL your experience tells mine to a T. I wish there was a social skills class for us to learn the new slang, know when eye contact is appropriate and how much! I am extremely shy, I am getting old too, 36! so I figure now is the time to get my head on straight. I don't want to live my life this way and end up in an old folks home with no one. my medication seems to help alleviate my symtons some what and therapy helps, but not sure if it is just self-soothing at this point. I want change! just don't know how to do it.

Gah, don't talk about 36 as being "getting old". I just turned 30 this year and the last thing I need to be thinking is "I've only got 10 more years til I'm OLD"!

I don't plan to be alive beyond my ability to live. I'll end it myself if I have to, if it ever comes to that. (Hell I've done it before, if you believe me when I say I'm reincarnated)

I had the same problem and mine stemmed from feeling really rejected by my parents. I would NEVER reach out to others and initiate a conversation because I was so fearful of rejection. To be very real, it wasnt till I was in my twenties when God began teaching me to change my thoughts about myself ba<x>sed on my worth to HIM and not others. He also began showing me how to be sociable. I began observing others and began slowly reaching out to others myself and I look back at who I used to be and I am not the same person at all. I dont fear rejection and if I am rejected it doesn't affect me as it used to. I might be hurt but I forgive and move on. It also makes us very self centered people. We cant see others hurts or needs because were so focused on ourselves. But when we learn to see the needs of others it takes our eyes off ourselves so reaching out to others in need of encouragement etc. helps also.

"I don't really know how to make it easy. I need people to reach out to me is what I need. And I also need to not pull away or blow off people who DO reach out."<br />
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There is a lot in these three sentences. I can relate to each. I feel like because i am hard to get to know, most people don't want to make the effort. Because it order to make the effort, they need to know enough to think it is worth it. And even though I believe it is, I find it hard to have faith that others see that. So I end of feeling like I have a bunch of acquaintances that don't care to be much more, even when I want an actual friendship.<br />
As for being reached out to, i am not proud of it, but I am most comfortable with being approached rather than approaching. Because I am not confident in my ability to hold an interesting conversation until I am comfortable with people, and because I fear things getting awkward and don't want to initiate something that will end up pushing them to mark me as not worth their time. But i am trying to work on that attitude, because, let's face it, it isn't too productive. If I don't take initiative, they won't even have a chance to judge me an worthy or unworthy of their interest.<br />
Third, when people DO reach out, and they have, I tend, not so much know because I have learned - but I used to have trouble trusting that they really want to get to know me, and that they aren't just being nice. Well, I suppose that was mostly one situation where I was really invested in the relationship, and thus more afraid of being disappointed, this more apt to paranoia. Luckily, I decided to take a risk and trust that the interest was genuine. It payed off, and I am glad i didn't let fear destroy the relationship before it could go anywhere.

I've always felt like I was never really a teen- or even fully a kid for that matter when it comes to my social life. I live about 5 miles from town, on the far side where pretty much no one else actually lives, and never had a lot of friends as a kid. I had an almost-real social life for one year in middle school, but then my parents made me transfer to a private school and that ended.<br />
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I never know what to do when socializing. Like, how do you talk to people? You can ask questions and stuff, but how do you get to that fun socializing, natural whatever that other people seem to have with each other? I don't know. A lot of the time socializing can be extremely awkward, so of course I wouldn't want to do it. I guess I don't know how to make it fun. I know it can be, but I don't know how to make it that way if it doesn't just happen naturally.