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I Wish I Had An Invisibility Cloak

Ok, so I am a freshman in highschool, but all my life I have been somewhat of an introvert. It have noticed over the past year I have become extremely bitter, cold, cynical and irritated with others around me and also very withdrawn too. I have a few friends but even when I talk to them I feel annoyed but I try not to show it. I have also noticed that I have become very judgemental towards others and mean. I keep all of these thoughts and feelings in my head because I don't want to drive people away. I also talk to myself a lot but only when no one else is around.

I'm content with not having many close friends and I enjoy my own company, but whenever I see people laughing and having a good time with their friends I get very depressed. That's when I get mad at myself for not trying to be as social. The thing is though, I'm fine without having much friends but then I get mad at myself for not being as social, so it's kinda contradicting. Anyway I don't want to be that person who b!tches about not having friends when they don't even try. Sometimes I just want to go hide in a corner and just be by myself and not talk to anyone, actually it's more like most of the time. Most people think I'm nice but if I just opened up my mouth to them they would realize I'm just a judgemental, antisocial, b!tch. Anyway hopefully I'm not alone. I guess I'll shutup now. P.S. sorry this is so pathetic
nooneeverknows nooneeverknows 13-15, F 3 Responses Sep 16, 2012

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That describes my personality exactly when I was in middle and high school (more-so in middle school). Though, I didn't have friends. I even find myself silently judging others from time to time, and I feel horrible about it. I find it helps if I keep thinking "i don't know this person, they have done nothing offensive that I've seen which merits my cruelty."

That also happens to me, I'm an introvert myself but I guess what I'm saying doesn't really matter does it?

Dear nooneeverknows,

This will happen when you're a Freshman at High School. Things are changing and you don't really know how to adapt the the change and unfamiliar environment.
It is a very good thing that you have noticed that you have been being "judgmental" and "mean". It means you are mature enough to see it and you want to change. That's good that you keep the thoughts in your head. Very good. You're doing the right thing. I have to congratulate you for that. *thumbs up*
We all like to talk to ourself. What do you talk to your self about? Not like negative thoughts about yourself right? Make sure you watch what you say when you're talking to yourself okay? =)
This is amusing to me because I'm in this state now. Thinking I don't really have any friends right now. And yes I'm in that state where I like my own company more than others. :l Maybe not healthy but anyways. . .
No no this is how I feel sometimes too. I think to myself, "Well, I've got God. And He is big and He is my father. He's all I need really." And I convince myself that I don't need friends. But I do. To get through life and to learn. Maybe you are afraid to make friends and then get your heart broken or betrayal. It's only learning in life's situations. It makes us so much stronger and it makes our souls grow in Spiritual Guidance and is very healthy. You're young girly. You should be trying to make more friends and really put yourself out there. You're starting High School and you should enjoy this year because it goes fast seriously. I'm already a Junior in High School and I gotta warn you that Junior year is the hardest year I've had. So much work. So enjoy yourself now. Do well in your work and just enjoy others around you please. You will really not regret it. People will draw towards you if you make an effort to draw towards them.
You seem like a very very sweet and normal teen. I bet you're so full of love, respect, and understanding, and the people that will get to know you will find out soon how lucky they are to have you in their life. I have so much respect for you for sharing. I will pray for you tonight. =)

Blessings,
Your friend,

†Alexandra

Thank you, I've been doing a bit better since I wrote this.

Good, I am so glad to hear! =O =]