Hypomania.. Good Or Bad?

My first hypomanic episode occured within the last two months of the second semester of my sophomore year of college. In the weeks leading up to my first episode things were not going so well for me my grades were dropping and my depression came back into full swing, this girl that I was dating broke things off with me. I was running low on money, and I had just tore my MCL in a drunken skateboarding accident. 3 weeks later, the week the episode started. I returned to school from my knee injury and was told that I basically had to read 130 pages read and annotated in two days plus plethora of assignments from othe classes that were due within the next two weeks. I somehow had read 60 pages of "The Alchemist" in one day and and the next day finished reading 70 the next. I had a meeting with one of my english professors to plan I was going to get my grades back up. But during the meeting my emotions were so out of whack that i began to hysterically cry.. and i am not one to cry, especially in front one of my teachers. Two days later in class I felt  a huge rush of adrenaline, I began to sweat and tremble and my mind started racing out of control. I couldn't concentrate and I could barely sit still and finish class. I raced back to my house and tried to lie down and go to sleep, but I couldn't, my mind was racing. so I decided to listen to some music, and a lyric in the song that I was listening to along with my racing thoughts inspired the idea for my best painting yet. I knew right away that I was going to wake up bright and early to paint it. because I had class that day. After about 3 hours of sleep I woke up at about 9 in the morning and felt a wave of euphoria, and it felt amazing I felt warm, I felt like I was ready to conquer the world. I finished reading the rest of "The Alchemist" which was about 40 pages in 20 minutes and was ready to head off to class. And that is when things I guess you can so got bad. Instead of going to my other english like I should have been doing, I decided to stay home and start my painting. I had been drawing all day and my drawing skills and creativity were way better than usual. I thought maybe its just one of those days when I'm everything that I am doing seems to work. as it After doing about half my paintng, drinking a few glasses of wine, a few beers, plus a cigarette and a joint. I had completly lost track of time and forgot about my class. luckily my other english class wasnt that day so I wasnt too worried. I just hoped that my extremely good euphoric mood didnt go away.  And after no lunch or dinner and only 2 hours of sleep I felt even better I had did all of my make up work for my other english and was ready to go. But then Suddenly I felt like I was the main character from The Alchemist. Santiago, and that I could find my personal legend and nothing could stop me. I felt as though I was the best artist in the world at the time and that school was keeping me from my personal legend. I am only an average artist at best most of the time. But I was so sure in my abilties that day that I decided that I had enough school and could make it on my own without it. I thought the idea of trying to find personal legend was a much better idea. The feeling that I felt is a hard one to explain, Its like when your watching a movie and you see one of the main characters suddenly become really inspired and they end up doing something great at the end of the movie to save themselves and get what they want. If you can catch my drift then thats how I felt. Like I suddenly had this big rush of energy that could help me conquer the world and have everything I wanted and that my my life would be perfect after. And after my painting turned out great it made me feel more great and more delusional. So I called all of my professors and in a manic rant told them about all of my dreams and I why I had decided to drop out. Obviously none of them were thrilled and they all had asked me if I was on drugs. Although I was high on marijuana I told them no but they didnt believe and they all ended they're conversations with me by saying that they hoped that I get the help that I need. I thought it was hilarious which it still is, but it hurts knowing everyday that I gave up when I shouldnt have over a delusional idea that occured when I wasn't thinking clearly or rationally. The hypomanic episode lasted about a week before I sank even further into depression over regret about my decision. Now i'm behind and have to play catch up for the rest the time im in school which sucks because now I have to work harder than everybody else and harder than I want to. Ive only had one more moderately high hypomanic episode like that since. And although they have both felt amazing and good. They both ended up with having made decisions that I am going to regret for a long time. So judging by this story.. what do you think? hypomania... good or bad?
kingmike290 kingmike290
Aug 13, 2010