It Could Have Been Different.

i sit here today, nearly a week after your 14th birthday and i realise how far away i am from you. i think back to how it was between us and all you meant to me, all i meant to you and i see now. i let you down..

if i had have told someone maybe it wouldnt have happened,
if i had of tried to stop it all maybe you would feel better now,
if i had have been there for you not only in person but as a grown up even if there was only 4 years between us, then maybe everything would be different now.

i am so sorry my brother my friend my child. i was the only one who was there with you the only one who saw it all took it all and more yet said nothing. i allowed him to hurt you, i allowed him to hurt me and now you are an unhappy teenager who lives only to escape what pains you. i loved you then and i love you now, believe it or not little brother we still have a bond and i will always care for you and love you but i had to leave. i had to get out and try and better my life for your sake for your future just as much as mine.

if i could rewind the clock, would i have said something? would i have tried to stop what unfolded? honestly............i don't know. it all brought us to this moment, but is this moment really worth all that sorrow?

i love you and i will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you, im not a child anymore and neither are you. i see that and i worry for your future.

FromTheHeartOfaWoman FromTheHeartOfaWoman
22-25, F
Aug 5, 2010