Beth, I Really Am Sorry


It has been over ten months since you passed away. I do still miss you, even though your picture and ashes are still here on my desk.

On August 22 you slipped into a coma and passed away September 3. Yes I did talk to you during that time but my "I don't like to talk if I have nothing to say" attitude kept me from saying much to you. The Doctors said you were unresponsive but I did see your eyes move and sometimes I felt something in your grip.

There are stories and movies about loving spouses that talked or read to their loved one while the loved one was in a coma. I've seen them. It didn't register on me. Not until last night did it cross my mind I could of, should of, been reading to you all that time. Good Grief. It's not like I didn't read to you a lot while you were alive, not like I don't like reading, not like I wasn't reading to myself while I was sitting with you.

And again, only last night while I was laying in bed awake thinking of many things, did I realize not only should I of been reading to you, the book I was reading to myself would have been a perfect to read to you: Sherlock Holmes. Even his novels are not long and they do not have a multitude of characters whose importance is not immediately known. You would have liked them.

I am so sorry; I could have been talking to you for hours instead of for seconds or barely minutes. I am really sorry.
MPsslavetommy MPsslavetommy
70+, M
2 Responses Jul 17, 2010

Thank You, Mistress, I do appreciate Your words.

(((((My sweet, sappy, sentimental slave))))) you had Me in tears reading this, not because I was sad, but because I felt so much love behind the words.<br />
<br />
In those last weeks, what mattered is that you were there with her, not whether anything was said. I realize I know very little of Beth -- just the snippets you've shared with Me as we talk -- but I feel confident in telling you that she understands, she forgives you, and that she would want you to forgive yourself.