I Am Spanish
I'm slightly ashamed of my Spanish heritage, not because it's Spanish, I believe Spanish is a beautiful culture, I'm ashamed because I speak very slow broken Spanish and know very little about my heritage. My entire family is Spanish, on both sides and everyone in my family speaks Spanish but me. My mother, my father, and even my sister speak Spanish, but I only know a very limited broken amount. It makes me feel very left out in family gatherings and I tend to try to avoid seeing my family, especially my older family members, because I know they question why I don't know Spanish yet am from full Spanish blood.
I know not all people of Spanish descent speak Spanish but it is still very embarrassing to admit to people and when they ask what nationality I am, I refuse to answer because if I say Spanish, they want to hear me talk in Spanish and say how they love the way Spanish sounds, but I can't speak it, so I end up putting myself to shame and I feel like I'm a fake wanna-be Latino. I have been trying to learn Spanish and more of my culture but find it very difficult.
I hate my mother and father for not teaching me Spanish as a child, they knew it perfectly well and had more than the ability to teach me, and yet decided not to. I feel annoyed that they were too lazy to speak to their child in Spanish and decided instead of teaching me an important skill at the perfect age, they would instead decide to just let me go through it the hard way and struggle through my ethnicity.
I refuse to admit to most people that I am Spanish because at times, I feel like I'm not...I always say "I have no ethnicity, I'm just me. Don't ask me again." then we leave it at that and never speak of it again.
This blows...
