Summer School For The Soul

Preface to "An Autobiography of A Fallen Yogi" first edition. (j/k)

There are good people in the world who carry a light within themselves. Many times we owe our salvation to those people whether we know it or not. In life you cannot change what you cannot see and often it is only in the presence of such people we can be made aware of our shortcomings, our vices, our human nature. Their very existence heals the world and calls out sin from the dark places all around them, calls it out into the daylight where we can see. So we can forgive. Many think that the death of Jesus was the result of a kind of penance for his actions but it was an act of at-one-ment. Just as the bird is called to nest he acted out of his own nature and followed it to its end, not necessarily to save the world but to save himself and in doing so save the world by leaving an example for others to follow. People think that to save the world you change it around, move this here and that there, play with the rules. It is just not so. The world is a living world and to heal it we must find our own existence and bring it to life. The inspiration that such people offer by just being themselves, operating out of their own center, opens up an avenue for us to do just that. The vibration of their presence in the world shakes the nails from the bridge, in their presence "every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight." As Jesus of Nazareth said "I will tear down your church and rebuild it in three days." His prophecy came from a direct realization of his own nature and where it would lead if he followed it home to nest. They remind us that to fear change is to fear life itself, they call us back to life from the realm of the walking dead. Their message, that we may be reborn, resurrected from the cold dead stone of space and have our names written into the book of life. The best way we can thank them is by simply hearing there message. When their presence in our lives shines light into our souls it casts shadows. The light cuts through the darkness of our unconscious and when it hits those obstructions that keep us from our selves there is a flickering, a movement. In that moment we can view our chaos in motion. Normally the nature of mind is such that whatever lies in the ego's shadow is beyond our direct knowing but like dark matter that exists in the universe we can see it by watching light bend around it. Do you understand now how seers are really physicists? How the holy language is math?

Turning the wheel

Be warned not to pin people motionless with judgments of good or evil. Human beings are in a constant state of flux and are capable of great change at any moment. Trying to tag them with stereotypes and critical judgments is as foolish as labeling clouds according to their geometric shape or appraising a work of art with a math equation. We are the only fool who gets hurt when judgment is cast forth from us. It is not unlike a sword with no hilt, to wield it is by the sharpness of its blade and to cast it forth is to lead our own hands to bleed. The face of our enemies, the face of those we hate, of those different than us or those we deem weaker, is a mirror of our own humanity. "Human sickness is so severe that few can bare to look at it but those who do, will become well." If only we can learn to "bend in the wind rather than break," to find the strength to forgive the world for being broken, then we to might be forgiven ourselves. As I have said before the nature of the soul is like a water fossett and in order to receive water it must give it. In order to receive the healing energies we need to restore our patterns and turn the great wheel that sleeps inside us we must give those energies to the world. When we give to those who deserve it we do the world a service but when we give to our enemies, to those who hate us, when we yield to the world and offer ourselves up as a sacrifice we do an even greater service. Time is indeed the flame in which we all burn. All of life, everywhere, is an everlasting sacrifice being poured into a flame. We burn. The wind of time blows on the world like a pinwheel, spinning it round, and carries us forward on an ethereal wind, it cooks us like bread in an oven and we grow, we change shape, we are in a constant state of becoming. When you close your eyes you too can see it, feel the breath of the Goddess spinning the world into motion. All of our pains are growing pains and nothing more. But the growth must never stop or we face something worse than death. As the Buddha once said, "the world is filled with suffering and dissatisfaction but there is a peace that can be found." There is a "calm abiding at the center of our being and the more we leave it the less we know."

But enough about you, let’s talk about me. Step through the looking glass with me, just for a moment. I would like to take this chance to remind you of how spiritual I am, of the beauty of my soul, its exalted purity, of how I came into the world with a thirst for knowledge and a desire to help others. I would like to talk (again) about how I was willing to sacrifice my own needs and my own desires to help others and the understanding that it brought me. Let me remind you that when I speak angels sing, it’s sad though that others cannot hear them. What a great guy am I! But this isn't because I think so highly of myself, that would be arrogance! I am such a wonderful person because other people tell me so. Obviously they didn't read the warnings on judgment eh? Can you see where this is going yet? What am I doing wrong here? Am I not inspiring you with the ineffable lightness of my being? Can you not see the whiteness of my wings or feel the soft radiance of my halo? Strange how quickly a good deed that stares at itself in the mirror turns to stone... Let’s put the looking glass up for now, I am making myself sick. (smiles) In other words I am no teacher, there are no teachers in life, only fellow students. But knowing this everyone can become a teacher.

"Do not walk behind me, I may not lead.
Do not walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Just walk beside me and be my friend."

When I wore a younger man’s clothes I remember thinking, why is the world so filled with suffering, why don't these people see? Why can't they understand? Two older friends of mine (while I was in high school) that were a couple sat in the car one day, both mad about different things and argued for hours, bickering about laundry or something equally as silly and not knowing why they each could not win the argument with one another. Agreeing to disagree with them was better stated as "agreeing to continue thinking the other person is a ******* idiot." I watched curiously for an hour or so while I read whatever book I had just stolen from the local Barnes and Noble. Then for the sake of getting a free ride home I interceded with the wedge of a few short words that would leave their arguments... dispelled. I am sure they went right home to make love (what a cupid I can be when I want to). But I thought, what is wrong with them, why was that so hard for them to see for themselves? All I can say on this is... I possessed something then that now is lost to me. Be careful the questions you ask, life has a funny way of answering them. All of my wishes have come true, the cost, however, was painful. The Goddess can be such a ***** sometimes, but that's why we love her isn't it? Her humor is a divine comedy. But I like dancing for her; I have come to enjoy being her fool.

I talk of the soul but I am not a believer, belief is a human thing that I never possessed. I am not religious, I am not spiritual. I am not any-thing except what you want me to be. What colors will you paint me today, I wonder? What mask should I wear when I walk among you? Do you know that every day is Halloween? We don't see God as "he is" we see him as "we are" ya know? You can trust me to do this however; I will never try to grasp anything that is out of my reach. I may lie to you often but I will never deceive you. Deception is not a part of my design. But I am a trickster God and if I ask you to join me in hell one day it is only because I know how much you love it.

Let me state, whether the soul is mortal or immortal I do not know. Whether it is something that the human body gives birth to or something that gave birth to the human body, I do not know. Whether there is life after death I do not know. So am I lying to you then when I talk about the soul? How it works on us uninterruptedly from the higher realms? How through our relationship with it we can come to know eternity? Has all that I have said in the past to you been a lie? I have not deceived you. So why are we still dancing around this circle when the truth sits in the center and knows? The answer to everything I just asked can be found in the silence between the words. Each question is its own answer. But if the question is not alive in you then it is a lie. "How can I render back into light world language the speech defying pronouncements of the dark or put into terms of yes and no ideals that transcend opposites? How can I teach again what has already been taught correctly but incorrectly learned a thousand times throughout the millennium of mankind's prudent folly?" We have all the answers right inside us all along but the most fundamental mistake we make is the assumption they will fit into our current frame of mind. Sometimes, just sometimes, we must change the lock to fit the key. Eternity is not a long time you see, it is the dimension occluded from our perception by the veil of time. Plants grow toward the light; they just know where it is. The universe uses all levels of reality to foster life, it knows what’s going on whether we do or not. Belief doesn't matter as much as people would lead us to think. It’s not about what I can give you it’s about what you’re willing to receive.

So I invite you to find yourself in my story. In the end we have no choice but to do so because "no matter where we go, there we are." Life has a way of evoking our character, the more we live the more of ourselves we find in the world, the more we come to know our "selves" that live in the world. Here we go again dividing time with our shadows and giving birth to worlds while we do. Is this how religion is born? Always an inner teaching and an outer one but they are two polar extremes of one constant. Hot and cold to on a lower dimension seem like opposites but they are actually two variables of one constant. I failed math in high school, I wonder sometimes why I am good at it now. True understanding comes from direct perception of how things work. I call it "reading the design." it’s what I do when I look into my soul, I read to you from the book of my own life. When I close my eyes I can see the collective ideas of mankind moving in the sky like weather vanes, pushing us all about like schools of fish in an aquarium. My understanding is experiential and I don't know who made the machine or what it all means, does it even matter? What is the meaning of a flower? I can only talk about how it works. And trust me; I am the worst student ever. The worse student can become the best teacher if the lesson is humility, however. The only tools I have at my disposal to try to explain are my own life's experiences, the experiences of this human I live within. My time and relative dimension in space. My personal life is the "medium" through which I speak to you. Can you hear the angels sing when I speak yet? I must be careful and operate through the body of illusion lest I invoke a mantle I am unwilling and unworthy to carry. There is a personal unconscious and a collective one. To which do you find affinity? Is your voice your own or is it God's voice? It is both. But there is no room in heaven for God and "us" so we must leave behind our preconceptions when we cross the threshold into the realms of the subconscious, when we cross over into eternity. All of what we have attached ourselves to in life will stand before us at that threshold with a flaming sword. Know thyself.

But there are rules you know. In esoteric study two rules are observed closely. Two rules bind us together. First, there is no knowledge that be due a seeker. If you ask you will be answered, but your answers are not for every ones ears and the reason can be found in the second rule. The second rule is that we must never give knowledge to those not qualified to receive it, it can cause more harm than good. I sat and let the lessons of soul become stagnant, they ceased to be living wisdom and fell into the abyss of knowledge or worse, data. I would give others the warnings but fail to hear the message myself. And so my soul has had to feel the pain of growth once again. We must never tire of shedding our skin.

In my life I have only brought harm to myself and I thought that that was OK you know... I thought "well I am not hurting anyone else so It should be OK if I indulge in these forbidden fruits, if only in thought" but it doesn't work like that. There is no place where you end and I begin. The pain I cause myself has filled a place in the world and brought it pain when it could have brought relief. “The good that I would do I do not and the evil that I would not do I do.” If my compassion doesn't include my self then it is incomplete and thoughts like drops of water can fill a bucket and sink a ship. I once had the power to see these things clearly, but my view of the horizon was all but cut off. I thought, "why do they not see." My question has been answered, I am human now and my face is not unlike your own. When we sit in the shadows for too long we forget ourselves, the torment of living without "his grace" has lead me to pull the feathers from my wings. "If you forget who you were you will forget who you are and that which one day might have been you will be gone, and only the beast will remain." I don't seek attention, or the approval of the world but I must ask for its forgiveness. All that matters is our willingness to ask, we don't need to have it granted to us by others, asking is enough as long as it is sincere, but being sincere means striving to learn from our mistakes and not let them happen upon us again. Justice is divine, meaning that it is inlaid in the fabric of creation. The punishment of evil men is the prison of their own ignorance and the reward of good men is the blessing of their own virtue. God does not judge us in some kingdom to come in a life here after, judgment is now. Eternity is now. We judge ourselves by the way we choose to see the world. The first time many people face themselves is at the moment of death so it seems (falsely) that this is when judgment takes place. The soul wants to know itself in the world and I am through with making dams to hold it back.

The ascent to heaven is made by moving through this world, not escaping it. If you think paradise will be yours one day without facing yourself you have a surprise coming. No knowledge is won without sacrifice. I ask for forgiveness but not because I care for my salvation, because I care for yours. By asking honestly and sincerely my deed is done. But I have opened a door for you now; can you forgive me for being human? For betraying you? For murdering you? For not caring at all when I did these things? I may do it again you know. You can judge me for being human, cast blame on me for your own fears about your own nature. I will bear the cross, burn me at the stake. Life is short and I have no desire to die of heart disease or cancer. Make me free but know that when you do so you imprison yourself. My deed is done. "Strike me down and I will become more powerful than you can ever imagine." Know as you kill me, however, that I have forgiven you. I am in love with you. All I ever wanted was your approval. My face is the mirror of your own humanity. Learn to be your own light and give up the world while the "season of giving is yours and not your inheritors."

"Wake up out of your pig nature and realize the Gods you so verily are." I wouldn't be caught dead in a church. Personally I am no Christian but naturally we all are. It is what it is, you know.

I have often been guilty of saying that it is the message that matters and not the messenger but that is a half-truth. It is the character of the messenger that connects to others and lends to spontaneous learning, it is there character that shows to the world there teachings are alive and not some dead thing on paper. It’s funny, I never liked thinking of myself as religious but here I am. But I endeavor to change that. I endeavor to resurrect the lessons of soul from the pages I have written and invite them to once again live inside me.

It would seem the human spirit, if not met with adversity, begins to atrophy and decay. Like any muscle or organ it fades away. We must never stop living because only in the heart of life can we exercise the spirit, and only in the heart of life can the soul come to know itself. I am guilty of sitting stagnant. I am human after all. But a window has opened and light has shown through, the shadows recede, and if only for a moment, I have been given the chance to unfurl my wings. The hard shell of my human nature will be cracked many times, but the pain is for my growth. I have learned to love it. I guess I am now both submissive and a masochist. (smiles) But there is no place where you end and I begin so I will, I must endeavor to be a stronger person in the future since now I know that when I hurt myself I hurt you, and I cannot live with that.

I am grateful to all of my teachers. And those good people of the world whose characters reveal our shortcomings, whose very essence calls out of us our sin. With out them we might never know our selves again in the world, we might never get the chance to unfurl our wings.
Phaethon Phaethon
31-35, M
1 Response Nov 27, 2012

I wonder... do you yourself feel lost sometimes?

I do. I spent so much time in the labyrinth that I forgot everything else but what it feels like to be lost. Where ever I go i carry my destination with me.

Have your destination ever been part of the world?

...I don't know. I remember as a child, when I was about 4 or so, playing with a stereo speaker and a 9 volt battery. I would connect the battery to the speaker and listen to the different sounds and static. Children have a knowing in them and even though it cannot be expressed, there connection is a direct perception of reality just the way it is. I heard a car pass outside and climbed onto the couch to see if it was my mother, it wasn't. I put the speaker down and look up at the cloud covered sky and I remember thinking clearly, not with words but with mind itself, "its such a big world, look at everything, so complex. Surely they have figured everything out by now, so why am I here? What work is there left to do?"

it is what it is I guess. What is the meaning of a flower? =)

Perhaps giving the truth to humans is the work to do.
Perhaps there is something you miss that is in this world.
Perhaps your here because there is something only you can do.

A flower live to reach the sky, but also show it's nature to those who see.

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