I Am Spiritual But Not Religious...but Lately I Feel Like I Have No Time

before i got married, i used to be a big pot smoker - i was young but since i used it for spiritual reasons, my parents didnt mind. i had spiritual freedom, a sense of completeness, a sense of peace. my mind wasn't racing, wasn't distracted and i was able to acheive that blissful state. i'm 31 now and since have stopped smoking. i feel like a huge part of me is gone because i can't get to that state anymore. i used to read a lot, and meditate, pray and write..things that lifted my spirits and made me feel closer to God. I feel distracted, preoccupied and distant. when i try to be i can't focus....i miss being centered. i miss the freedom. how can i achieve this with out substance aids?
browneyeblues browneyeblues
31-35, F
2 Responses Dec 13, 2012

I have only just recently discovered this bliss that you knew so well. For me it came when I finally realized that God loves me. When it really began to sink into my soul that the Infinite Presence wasn't just neutral, but rejoiced in and loved me. I had to finally shut the door on the religious voices and interpretations of God that I grew up with - the ones that made him out to be angry and someone to appease.
I started to trust this love rather than my performance in life, other people's opinions, or even my own feelings about myself. If life throws curveballs at me, I trust that there is ultimately some good in it somewhere.
Slowly the guilt fell off, as did anxiety. I don't always experience bliss, but when I am able to be alone and talk to this One who loves me, and am able to share anything that had been troubling me, then that peace begin to wrap its arms around me. I find my center there, and my heart, paradoxically, fills with incredible emotions and thoughts while also emptying of anything that disturbs or perplexes.

There is a saying, "If it feels like your getting further away from God, Who moved?"
Spiritual freedom is a process. I can't say for sure, but I suspect you are like me. I was very spiritual and then somehow drifted away from my spirituality and let things bother me. I found out the reason I couldn't sit quietly and meditate any longer was because I was filled with guilt, shame and unresolved remorse. I started to take care of me, I looked deep inside and realized I didn't want to carry that any longer. I began to do something about it, I started to clean up the wreckage of my past and slowly but surely, I was able to sit quietly and pray, and eventually I was able to meditate again.
Start slowly, it will come back. Don't beat yourself up when you are unable to meditate for long periods of time. Remember, being God conscience is a process.
Religion is for people who are scared of Hell, Spirituality is for people who have already been there and don't want to stay there.
Contact me if you want to chat more about this.
Good luck to you, and God Bless.

Thank you sinfulcudy- your response made so much sense to me and more importantly thank you for taking the time to actually read what I wrote. I am hard on myself, and expect to be where I was when life was less complicated and full of responsibility. Have so many demands in my life now- children, work, family...naturally the busy lifestyle will distract me from slowing down. I will take your advice and start slowly. Thanks gain!