Should We Judge How Our Parents Raised Us?

You were very fortunate if you have good parents. I did not know I was illegitiment until I was close to 40. I then found out I had 2 half brothers and 2 half sisters. When I met them, I even looked a little like them.

When I was a preteen, we lived with my grandmother, and she taught me how to be self relient, which turned out to be a very good thing. My mother married what turned out to be a drunk when I was about 10, and he did not want me around, so I was shipped off to my aunt and uncle. My mother in essence gave me to my aunt and uncle to raise when I was 12, and that relocation was like being around the Bickersons (constant bickering). Fortunately for me I was able to work my way thru college and get away from all that. Nevertheless, I always visited my Grandmother, Mother, my Aunt and my Uncle at every holiday until they all died.

I was diagnosed as bipolar when I was 55 and only now understand why I acted like I did after I was a teen. Seems that Bipolar runs on both sides of my genetic code, but at least I am properly medicated to compensate when needed. I now understand a lot of comments and attitudes made about and to me over the years by my family. But like I told my mother, I am just glad to be here and hold no grudges about my petagree!! Thankfully abortion was not legal back in the '40s or I probably would not be here since my family was very poor and would be highly motivated to avoid one extra mouth to feed.

Ironically, I married a woman who without my knowledge had an abortion prior to our marriage. Then later, my youngest step son's girlfriend got an abortion on advice of his mother (wife #2 who later died from breast cancer). I see how beneficial financially and short term emotionally the abortions were, but I also know what it is like to be here, so I am very conflicted about this whole issue. When confronted with this issue, I tell the person about my history, and tell them that they must live with their decision, but I am greatful to be here. Then I pray!

Notwithstanding all this, I am thankful to God to be alive and able to appreciate the wonderful things that life can give. Looking back, each step turned out to be beneficial to me, and I am at peace with my history.

The cloak worn by good fortune often appears tattered; thus, we should invite the poorest looking circumstance to dine next to us at God's table, and let Him sort out what each of us can and should eat.
trew123 trew123
61-65, M
2 Responses Jul 10, 2012

thank you for your two posts, they are filled with wise and encouraging words. Yes we do sometimes have to let go of the small stuff and look at the bigger picture to enjoy life. Handling things with maturity is what gets us through. I agree.

honestly judging your parents comes natural like judging your kid's behavior XD<br />
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That's why I never believed in that particular type of "judgement day" I am judged every single day by my parents, siblings, cousins, teachers, boss, nephew, society in general, police etc....<br />
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I do hold bitterness inside because my mother is a very negative person...extremely traditional and religious woman who could do whatever she could to keep me indoors cleaning cooking and wanting me to marry and procreate and have those children be traditional and religious as well. Well I haven't done that and we are at constant odds. I'm never allowed to move out, step outside be independent, to grow as person in other ways!!!<br />
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So yes no matter how I try there is a side of me that holds bitterness, resentment but I do love my mother unconditionally. I just don't like her!!! hahahaha

Sometimes these comments lose their formatting once I hit the save and the comment becomes one long paragraph. If this happens, please go to Trew123 and read the story about coping which is a copy of this reply.

I appreciate your comments. I regret that you must carry this extra weight around. Being unfulfilled is a waste of opportunity to enjoy all the good things that this life can give. I remember becoming so mad one day at the office that I slammed a file I was working on onto the floor and stalked out of the office with the full intention of going to my apartment, packing a bag, going to the airport and flying back “home”. That was the full extent of my plan: run. I did not like my job or the people there, and just popped my cork.

I had a company car which was in valet parking. They had parked my car against the wall of the office building I worked in, and parked two more cars in front of mine. I got in my car and waited for them to move the other two cars. One of the cars in front of mine would not start. They said they would have to get help and move the car out of the way, and for me to come back in an hour. I then went to a park across the street from my office building, and walked around looking at all the pretty flowers. I sat down and contemplated my next move.

My blood pressure went down, I cooled off and God started whispering comforting thoughts. I like to say it was like a fog lifting and the sunlight of understanding made me realize I was not the only one in the game. I was on God's game board and it is His game that I was playing. Made me feel a lot better to know I was not alone, and that all this stuff was just a sideshow. Got to feeling so good that I went back to the office, and 20 years later retired from that job.

This is one reason why I know that when I act an ***, God will pull on my reins and Gee or Haw me until I am back on the path He has chosen for me. I honestly can not say that life in general was better or the circumstances improved after this little experience, but I was enabled to cope better with the situation and salvage some of my enjoyment. The ability to better cope and enjoy life just are part of the wages paid by God to those who wish to cooperate with the Game Master's plan for success (His plan, His way). If it is my plan, then it is devoid of dimension, whereas His plan is highly nuanced, flexible enough to adjust to any obstacles.

I went through several religious periods, and was hard and judgmental during that time because that is what was taught to me and I thought that was just the way it was. After awhile, I came to realize that the religions of this world were not the answer. Now when I encounter a hardliner preaching my way or the highway, I am reminded that I once was like that, so give them a bit of slack. God loans me a little of His compassion and understanding and reminds me that I am not here to change anyone's mind. I am here to spread His joy and excitement for the way His Ultimate plan is unfolding. I do that by living the internal life He makes possible, and the light of that is what influences people more than the words I may say.

I surely hope you are able to either set this bitterness aside, and focus on enjoying your own life so that at least one of you will feel good enough to enjoy the positive and empowering feelings that are available.