I Am Starting Over Again
I left a 25 year marriage in July 2012.
During those 25 years, I had to start over several times, but none of those were my choice or the result of my decisions.
My action in July was the culmination of a series of decisions that started in 2000. At that time, my children were still young and they needed the stability of an intact family. I put myself, my life, back on the shelf in order to get my kids raised and out on their own.
When my middle daughter announced she was getting married in July of 2012, I promised her I would stay until AFTER her wedding. The day after her wedding, I packed my clothes and left.
I drove across the country (with my mother) and have not returned. Well, I did go back for a couple of days in October, 2012 to pack up household items my ex-husband and I agreed were mine.
Now, I am camping at my mother's house looking for work. I've been doing this since the first of August 2012. I certainly had not anticipated being unemployed for this long. I naively believed I had skills and experiences that would have me working within weeks, a couple of months, at the most.
At this point, I'm afraid I'll be in debt, my credit rating will have crashed and the reconstruction of MY OWN life will be behind schedule.....
The bottom line is, this has been MY choice. This has been more on MY terms than the other "restarts" I've had in the past couple of decades.
It's ugly, it's slow, it's uncomfortable and it's not going as planned and it's still MY do-over and I wouldn't trade it for what I was living before (even on days when I'm bitching and scared and lonely and wished things were different).
Stay tuned. I WILL rebuild my life. It will be the life I want for myself and I will share it with whom I wish. It will be simple and quite and I will be happy!!!
During those 25 years, I had to start over several times, but none of those were my choice or the result of my decisions.
My action in July was the culmination of a series of decisions that started in 2000. At that time, my children were still young and they needed the stability of an intact family. I put myself, my life, back on the shelf in order to get my kids raised and out on their own.
When my middle daughter announced she was getting married in July of 2012, I promised her I would stay until AFTER her wedding. The day after her wedding, I packed my clothes and left.
I drove across the country (with my mother) and have not returned. Well, I did go back for a couple of days in October, 2012 to pack up household items my ex-husband and I agreed were mine.
Now, I am camping at my mother's house looking for work. I've been doing this since the first of August 2012. I certainly had not anticipated being unemployed for this long. I naively believed I had skills and experiences that would have me working within weeks, a couple of months, at the most.
At this point, I'm afraid I'll be in debt, my credit rating will have crashed and the reconstruction of MY OWN life will be behind schedule.....
The bottom line is, this has been MY choice. This has been more on MY terms than the other "restarts" I've had in the past couple of decades.
It's ugly, it's slow, it's uncomfortable and it's not going as planned and it's still MY do-over and I wouldn't trade it for what I was living before (even on days when I'm bitching and scared and lonely and wished things were different).
Stay tuned. I WILL rebuild my life. It will be the life I want for myself and I will share it with whom I wish. It will be simple and quite and I will be happy!!!
By:
Ceridwyn
Age:
46-50
