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My Marriage

This year my husband and I celebrated 20 years of marriage. Things are not stale but we are living separate lives, I never see him, he's always working or out.

I became a bit concerned that when our children leave home we would have nothing left. This is still the case, I am trying to relight our marriage. It isn't working. I'm here because he is not!

He cycles a lot and will often go on a Saturday morning and cycle all day. That's if he is not working.

I'm trying to start over, the physical side of our marriage is really good but as a family we just don't get along. If all 5 of us are together for longer than a few hours a war develops.

He and I get on really well, we are best friends, I love him, he loves me, we are soul mates. I could never see myself married to anyone else, we need to start over, find a common ground, something we can all do (without the war)

In the interim I will come here to EP write down my thoughts, share them with like minded people, work it out. Make it work.

If all else fails I doubt I will be a lonely old woman, I am far too crazy and lively for that. I have really good friends.

But for now I am trying to start over with my marriage.
living4now living4now 41-45, F 4 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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Some time ago, I had the inspiration to challenge my wife to tell me the story of her life, for the 22 years of marriage beside me, by telling her first, my story with the good and the bad moments. It was hard, some bad stuff came to the surface, but we both managed as we agreed before the discussion, not to take it personally. The versions were very different! In marriage, couples are mirroring all the time each other’s energy, which always makes the other our best life teacher. The discussion opened up an incredible bridge of communication and we both learned to have a look at a situation through the other’s eyes. We also learned that even if we are not perfect and the aging process will change us even more in the coming years, we are both worthy of love and respect. We now share our thoughts a lot, which keeps us away from personal interpretations.

I can understand what u r going through. Been married for 30 yrs and wife and I get along well, but we just don't click with doing physical thing anymore. I like motorcycling and she goes off and does her thing. We used to ride together all the time. Last few yrs it's been all me. When I ask her to go she always has something else to do. So I either go alone or with friends. So I know bout ur situation.

Just now I have seen that Apple occupied the first pages with a service called I message, so please search for psychological I messages on google

In 20 years our body cells changes entirely three times, imagine how much our mind and thinking does. In such an amount of time we evolve and become totally different from who we were when we got married. A marriage will resist only if the changing process is acknowledged and accepted by each partner. Communication through “I messages” (google for “I messages”) can not only save the marriage but it will offer a new attractive perspective. It’s about revealing, understanding, accepting and respecting each other’s new needs.