Rebuilding a Life


I just left a sexless marriage which had me entangled for almost 7 years. It was a quagmire from beginning to end, and I only discovered what a truly bad idea the wedding was after said wedding was over.

I ended up moving back home. I have been here two weeks.

In a lot of ways, it is like I never left. I feel like myself again. I miss my friends in the place I left, but I don't miss the place itself. It was strange to me the entire time I lived there. I suppose it was partly culture shock and partly simple dislike. There is NO city anywhere that I would rather live in than the one I am from.

They have had a lot of changes here in the past 9 years, so I am still learning the new highways and being surprised about which store moved or expanded where. On the flip-side of that, I get to LIVE HERE in the town that has my favorite pancakes since childhood, the home organization store on which I have always relied, and the perennial hangouts and favorite landmarks. I know where to go to find home lighting, stationery, garden plants, frames. (And I'm not talking about Wal-Mart for once! Damn, I got so sick of Target & Wal-Mart where I used to live). In short, I'm an insider here, and I love that.

If I take it down to the brass tacks, there two things that have changed in nine years. One, I have my degree and I will be working in my field here in about a month. That is going to be strange because the general population here is so different from where i came from. And two, I have a daughter.

During the times I could think that the preceding years have just been a nightmare from which I am finally waking, the baby kicks my seat or makes some comment from the backseat (lately it's, "Mommy, I'm frustrated," or, "I want THAT toy....Mama..." (Whole sentences now, beginning about a week ago)). How could I look on those years as a waste or a nightmare when they brought her into my life?

The new place is slowly coming together. It is comfortable, pretty, and quiet. I'm hoping it won't be too long before I get to show it to someone special.

serenityprayer serenityprayer
31-35, F
5 Responses Aug 13, 2009

Hello, thanks for sharing your story. I'm sure many people are going through the same thing you've been through.

You posted this in 2009, I hope you're doing well. I'm actually in the process of doing the exact same thing You've already done: packing up, moving out, and getting on with my life. I'm sad about it at times. He was my best friend, I intended to to spend the rest of my life with him, but yeah. I move in about a month after procastinating for 3 years. He never thought I'd do it, but I signed my lease, and paying for a deposit on his new place too...I'm just nice I guess. It'll be weird coming home to a clean and quiet apartment, but I've got to move on.

Thanks for your story, again, I hope you're doing well.

Things will be great for you now. I can feel it when I read your story.

Thank you! It is a LOT of work to do this by myself. But of course, that is what I bargained for.<br />
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Some days I am exhausted, but most days I am optimistic and I can see that whereas before I had a husband that didn't love me (true), a life of relative ease, and a life that was going to be way WAY too long and devoid of intimacy...I now am 2000% busier and have the potential for the true love I have always wanted. <br />
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I do get frustrated that I have more tasks to complete than I have time to complete them, and I have to accept that it just will not all get done...but I think all in all I traded up.

I just posted a similar article and then saw yours. If you are still on here, it would be nice to talk. I am just leaving a sexless marriage, 10 yrs together. I am getting my degree next month and moving right after graduation. I'm really nervous to get back out there, and so scared that I am leaving this Amazing person. It's nice to see another women that was having similar circumstances.

Hi! I have to leave an amazing person too. I feel so torn about it bc other than no sex our life's great. But no intimacy makes me SO depressed and it's been alomost ten years as well I just turned 38 and we have three children. The only way I could get intimacy is by having children basically. I thought things would I know they won't and I have to fend for myself. I am a stay at home mom and afraid of financial responsibility. But it's possible right? I feel suicidal living like this. It's so hard. Please help me see the light. Thank god for this site. No one understands. They act like sex is the last thing to worry about but when u are refused night after night by ur husband it really hurts and not to brag but I am super cute! Ha! It's so confusing! Help.

Its glad that u had the courage to do what u did...<br />
grat to know that finally u feel comfortable and settled..<br />
iam sure life is gonna be great in the future...<br />
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all the best