Feeling Good More Often Than Sad

My husband left me just over six months ago. It was a complete shock as he'd always been overly loving and affectionate. Turns out he sems to have a classic case of passive aggressive disorder. It recently showed itself in some very verbally abausive behaviour which has persuaded me not to continue to seek reconciliation. It's been an intensive journey for me as I've worked through my feelings and thoughts about the marriage I thought I had (6 years old) but I've come to accept there is nothing I can do. The only person I can control is me, and I am determined to be the best person I can be and live every day to the full.

I've just met a really interesting man, much older than me, and am getting to know him as a friend. There's definite attraction between us but he is in some kind of casual relationship with someone else. I've learnt so much since my marriage ended, including knowing it's important to stick to my half of any relationship and let the other person manage their own half. If this is going to be more than a friendship, he will have to make that decison and sort out his other friend accordingly. I find myself wondering whether my personality is too strong for him and whether I should tone myself down in the early stages of getting to know each other, but another part of me says I shouldn't be ashamed of the passion and energy that is part of me.

I'm actually enjoying being single and having the courage to be myself without worrying about what other people think about me and all the guilt that can accompany that. I want to love every person I meet. I know I will make mistakes and I'm not perfect, but I can work on my weaknesses and play to my strengths.

If you are newly separated, take heart. It does get better and if you take time to refelct and be honest with yourself, you will learn so much about yourself and others, and ultimately have a better life.
hopeful65 hopeful65 41-45, F 2 Responses May 22, 2010

Your Response


Hi dreamsanddemons,

The first few months are the worst. What you are feeling is normal. Just remember you had a life before him and you will have life without him. Now you also have two precious children; you have a family! i found it very helpful to write in my journal, talk to friends and to a therapist. You sound like you may be suffering from depression. I would encourage you to see a doctor and maybe take some medication to help you through these tough times. If you were an optimist before, be encouraged that it will return. A year ago I couldn't think of anything i liked about myself and thought the world would be better off without me. Now I can think of lots of things i like about myself and remind myself of them often. Take care and walk on!

I am newly seperated and wish that I could see light at the end of the tunnel, as you have.

It's not that I didnt see it coming, it's that I made so many mistakes in trusting him and not getting out years ago when I could have. I have no family, apart from my two beautiful children, and now it seems I will probably not even be able to keep the roof over their heads. I feel Ive ruined their lives and mine.

Most days I dont even know why I was put on this earth as life has never been easy. I used to be an optimist, but now, I just don't get why I'm here. I hope that things do get better as you say, but I'm so tired, I really don't care anymore.

I feeling the same way but right now I'm a single father, I was so happy and love life guy. Now I can only see shadows of my self, I don't trust people anymore I'm having financial problems right now my life is so hard now.

I saw that coming too I discover that she cheated once but I thought I was my fault and decide to give another chance the biggest mistake ever.