Feeling Good More Often Than Sad
My husband left me just over six months ago. It was a complete shock as he'd always been overly loving and affectionate. Turns out he sems to have a classic case of passive aggressive disorder. It recently showed itself in some very verbally abausive behaviour which has persuaded me not to continue to seek reconciliation. It's been an intensive journey for me as I've worked through my feelings and thoughts about the marriage I thought I had (6 years old) but I've come to accept there is nothing I can do. The only person I can control is me, and I am determined to be the best person I can be and live every day to the full.
I've just met a really interesting man, much older than me, and am getting to know him as a friend. There's definite attraction between us but he is in some kind of casual relationship with someone else. I've learnt so much since my marriage ended, including knowing it's important to stick to my half of any relationship and let the other person manage their own half. If this is going to be more than a friendship, he will have to make that decison and sort out his other friend accordingly. I find myself wondering whether my personality is too strong for him and whether I should tone myself down in the early stages of getting to know each other, but another part of me says I shouldn't be ashamed of the passion and energy that is part of me.
I'm actually enjoying being single and having the courage to be myself without worrying about what other people think about me and all the guilt that can accompany that. I want to love every person I meet. I know I will make mistakes and I'm not perfect, but I can work on my weaknesses and play to my strengths.
If you are newly separated, take heart. It does get better and if you take time to refelct and be honest with yourself, you will learn so much about yourself and others, and ultimately have a better life.