Technically I'm not a virgin because I was raped when I was a little girl but ever since that experience I've never had sex. I consider myself a virgin because I didn't willingly want it. So I just want to save myself until I find the one person I love so much and want to give myself to him/her completely. I don't want to just have sex with anyone because I guess I kinda know how it feels to regret things. I regret never having a choice of my first sexual experience. And Ivd lived so many years hurting inside because I feel so dirty.
Maybe not having sex until marriage would be a good thing for me. I wouldn't be able to deal emotionless sexual encounters. I need to feel safe, in control, and cared for in order for me to have sex.

Or maybe, I'm just afraid of having sex anytime soon because I'm afraid the trauma won't let me able to have that intimacy with my partner. I've gotten flash backs and I hate them. So I'm afraid of getting flash blacks while I'm having sex.
ponycupcake ponycupcake
22-25, F
1 Response Aug 27, 2014

I am also waiting till marriage. But I'm sad you got raped >______

It's okay though.