I Stay Because I Can't Break My Son's Heart

My husband and I have been together for 8 years and married for almost 3 of those. Up til 2008/early 09 we were pretty happy - one boy, another on the way.
Sadly we stopped having sex when I was 6 months pregnant and now, 16 months after our youngest was born, we still aren't. We are like ships in the night and although I love him, I'm no longer in love.

I have been having an affair since Christmas with a man who I truly believe is my soulmate. We are deeply in love and despite trying to end things on a number of occasions (he is married with 2 kids too) we're too involved to go back to being just-friends.


My eldest is 5 and a half. He is a little sweetheart and adores his daddy despite daddy having more time for the gym and his social life than playing with his sons! Ocassionally my boy will say "I love our home Mummy" and will draw pictures of our family for me to put on the fridge. Knowing I am passionately in love with someone else and may break his ideal one day, tears me up.

My lover says he can't leave his daughter (she's 8) as he worships her and would  die not seeing her every day. His wife would make his life a living misery if her suspicions about me (and yes, they're there) were proved correct.

I take living in a sexless and unhappy marriage as my punishment for being unfaithful - it comes with the territory and I take it on the chin. My friends don't know I am haing an affair but they know things are bad between my husband and I. DOn't get me wrong, they're not abusive, argumentative or unpleasant, he just prefers the gym, looking at himself in the mirror, eating all protein and little carbs and going out clubbing to his life at home with the kids and me.

I would walk to the very end of the earth for my lover. I wrote him a letter this week for his birthday telling him I'd do anything to make him happy. He called me to say it had made him cry. Knowing we won't be together any time soon kills me, but it's the price I pay.

LittleMissL LittleMissL
31-35
2 Responses Aug 6, 2010

"That, which cannot go on forever, won't"<br />
<br />
Good luck to you.

Talk to your husband. Afford the same respect to your son that your "lover" has for his daughter. This affair is going nowhere. Try and save your marriage, it seems like your husband is filling gaps. If it doesn't go well, end it and find someone else, this man with not end his marriage for you. Sorry, hope it goes as well as it can.