I Lost My Father

I lost my father three years ago ,but i still cry almost every day i can not deal with his death , i feel so Guilty for not being a good daughter for him
sometimes i wish to die just to be with him and to get rid of this pain in my chest , and the Worst part is that everyone thinks that i am fine no one knows how much i am suffering ,when i remember how much he suffered from cancer, and how much i was Unable to help him i hate myself 
sallysamy sallysamy
22-25, F
7 Responses Dec 16, 2012

I lost my mom-- my sister-- my aunt-- all from cancer-- there wasent anything i could do for them, i took my sister for some of her tests ect.. Dont feel guilty about anything, You can only mourn for soo long, but dont forget about her...
I had major surgery last month and i k now God was stand near to me.. I have photos in my profile...

thank you so much
i hope i will overcome my pain one day
glad to know that you are fine after the surgery , take care of yourself

Thank you Sally,
You have to start moving foreward with your life you can still mourn.. Yes i had a very infected gallbladder and it took 5 hours for the procedure.. Im healing ok now.. God bless you Sally...

you are not being fair to yourself . . . give yourself a break . . . you suffered a tremendous loss . . . wasn't your fault . . . instead of feeling guilty . . . just try to be the best person you can be . . . if you ever need to talk about it . . . I am here . . . 8D . . . you are not alone sweetie . . .

thank you ,i appreciate it

A very big mistake done by many people is that they deal with the good things in their lives as if they're for granted and will last forever. Unfortunately that's how we deal with people who love us.
The well known, mostly forgotten fact is, people die. Yes we may lose them

All you need to do is pray a lot for your father. This is the best way to make up for him.
Make good relations with his family and visit them. You may also pay money for the poor or for cany charity institution for him

thank you so much.
you are right, we do not know how much we were lucky until it's too late

Sally I understand the pain as I myself lost my mother my world revolved around her I know the pain of watching someone we love deteriorate and get weaker right in front of us.I know from your replies that you have beliefs that may differ from my own but I know that there is something eternal and the eternal soul waits for the day when we will be reunited. You have survived though painfully these past three years and your father has seen this. He has seen your strength in the days when the pain you feel at the loss of him is nearly unbearable but yet you continue. I would not be surprised if he was there holding you at those time giving you the strength to carry on. You have nothing to hate yourself for it's not something one ca take from another than that would be the end of it. One day there will be someone who will fill the biggest part of the hole left bu your loss and your dad will be there helping you smile and enjoy that new person in your life.

thank you so much for these wonderful words ,i appreciate it.

I can't say and wont tell you to be strong when you already know that and you feel that without my having to say it. Just remember if you need someone to converse with I am here and ready to listen.

thank you for your kindness

Families are eternal. They are the building blocks of heaven. If you want to understand the concept of an eternal family contact a missionary (18-21 yrs old) of the LDS (Mormon Church). Have them teach you about the restored gospel of Christ and how you can build an eternal family including your father.

thank you ,but i am not christian

About three years ago I lost my father to Alzheimers. He had tumors and strokes as well (I'm still not sure of exactly which one took him). I was a trained medical professional and all I could do was hold his hand and watch him take his last breath. I can truly understand that helpless feeling. I also would gladly take his place if it meant that I could have just a few more hours with him. I don't think that that pain will ever go away. I didn't get to have my Dad until I was almost 15. The time we had together was not even close to being long enough. I wish so much that he was still here so that I could let him know who I really am. It bothers me so much that I never got to tell him and have him shake my hand man to man. I still go by his grave so that I can talk to him. I am sorry about your father, I know that that kind of pain never really goes away. Have you tried talking to your family about how much pain you are still in? I know that my mother still hurts very badly but my sister is not very understanding. If you ever need to talk I am here.

thank you, i am really grateful to you
i can not talk to my family because i do not feel comfortable crying in front of anybody

I can truly understand that, I can't cry in front of people either. Have you thought about getting counseling? My entire family got grief counseling when we lost my dad. It helped me a little, but it really helped my niece and nephew. Counseling won't make the pain go away but it helps you figure out how to deal with it. Either way, I hope that you can find something that helps.

i will think of that .

Hello, when i was 17 i also lost my father of cancer. i am 25 now and i am still having a hard time dealing with this. When he was sick and lying in bed, my mom said to me that he wanted to talk to me. Deep down i knew this would be the last descent talk i would have with him, but instead i got scared. Scared that this was going to be the last time. Too scared to admit to myself that this was really happening. So there wasn't really that much talking going on. After this, his condition went from bad to worse quickly. He became delirious from all the morfine and a few days later he died. I still regret that i didn't found the courage to really talk to him that day! After his funeral, lots of people told me that they were sorry, condoleances etc. But after a while it's like everyone expects you to move on as if it's like flipping a switch. Nobody seems to know about the giant hole in your heart you have to live with. Thank you for your story! It made me feel not completely alone! I hope i can do the same for you!

Thank you so much . it means a lot to me to find someone who understand my pain .

you're welcome! oh btw, i learned a very important lesson from that particular day! Don't let fear come between you and something you want in life, because you will miss out on so many beautiful things! when i was younger i was scared for a lot of things in life! i didn't even dare to go on any rollercoasters of stuff like that. Even though i always dreamed of flying like a bird. Today, i am a licensed skydiver with over a few hundred jumps aspiring to become a BASE-jumper, and it's the best thing i've ever done! I hope you find a lot of courage in your life to live a life true to yourself! Take care!

thanks , it is a good advice .