Dealing With the Loss of My Uncle

 My uncle died a week ago. It was very sudden and unexpected, and it has been incredibly hard on me and my family. We still don't know everything about what happened. We hadn't heard from him in a couple days, and he wasn't at events he was supposed to go to. A good friend of his and ours finally went to check on him, forced her way in the back door, and found him in his room. He didn't listen to people when they told him to go see a doctor. It might have saved his life. The whole afternoon was horribly sad and confusing. I felt numb and in shock. I wanted to see him one last time, but I just couldn't look. I had an awful two days at school before coming home for the visitation/service, but fortunately I had friends and lots of people there to help me. The service was hard. I liked hearing stories that I never knew about my uncle, but the conclusion of the stories was that we would never see him again.

I am not sure what to do now. People tell me it will take time, that there's no time limit, that it's ok to feel however I feel, that I need to let my feelings out. I keep teetering between denial that it's happened and frustration that I can do nothing to change it. Sometimes I think, or wish, that he's still around and nothing has happened. But then I realize, no, he won't be coming to our family gatherings anymore, not holidays or summer cookouts or anything. And I wonder why this had to happen. I think, no, he can't be gone, not now. It seems so unreal, and I don't want to face the reality of it.

Everything is going to be different now. I keep wondering if/when things are going to be "normal" again. I wonder when these feelings are going to pass. I guess all I can do is sit with this and take the advice people have given me. I feel helpless sometimes, but I know I have to just keep going.

I'm sure you all can relate.

beautifuldreamer20 beautifuldreamer20
18-21, F
5 Responses Mar 8, 2009

Hi I posted a while back and just saw you have commented after I posted about my uncle see below your comment.My granda passed it was only a few weeks after my uncle all too soon all my first experiences of death and while our situations are different i understand the feeling of loss and hurt and anguish you are experiencing. We may differ on the add on feelings coming with our situations but I'm here to tell you while it feels your world is crumbling now you are not alone and little by little you will regain the feeling of yourself and the pain will ease the memories of the happy times will be the things that stick out. I understand while you read this you may think nothing will be the same but trust me from someone who knows all to well there is relief and an ease of pain there are moments it will still sting but you will be ok and find strength in the fact you have beautiful memories and the people around you while they may be hurting too ye are all an invaluable help to one another also speak to people like friends or partners my boyfriend was an amazing help and was with me all through the hard times yse your resources and mind yourself I wish you all the best and if you ever need an anonymous ear just post x

I know the feeling all of your are going through. My uncle was murdered and my family is clueless on what happened. The sad thing is that person is still free. It's been a month and two weeks but to me it seems like yesterday. It feels like a dream. I'm so saddened by this. I'm hurt, angry & sad...

Thank you so much for sharing this your story as hard as i'm sure it was it seemed to sum up what i'm feeling right now and your story seemed to help and show others go through the same at this sad and difficult time thanks you have have put my feelings into words x

I lost my uncle two weeks ago. I hate this happen. My grandma and mom and my other uncle are deeply hurt as is the rest of the Fam. He was our center:( Still is...it's hard, really hard and I miss him

hi you have took the words right out of my mouth , everything you have said is how i feel i lost my uncle 6weeks ago and its still really hard .some days it doesnt seem real then i think of him and it all comes back to me knowing am never going to see him again .