Do My Teenage Years Count?

I still find myself thinking a lot about J.L. (initials), who I really had it for my freshman year of high school. He was a senior, and he was in art class with me... I later found out he liked me, even though I did everything I could think of to keep him from thinking I liked him. I was an alcoholic, socially outcast, pill-headed, bulimic goth girl, and he was one of the star baseball players, so I thought he was out of my league. I was terrified that he would make fun of me if he knew I wanted to go out with him, since middle school had gone that way for me entirely. I guess you live and learn, but I really wish I had taken my chances with him... Not so much still love him, but I really do wonder what things would have been like if I hadn't been such a dunce.

Also, another guy... A much older man I met and instantly fell for when I was 17, my uncle's friend... I see him often, and since he paid me a lot of attention a while ago, and a few crumbs since (I think it would be more if we were like, alone with each other again...) I've been busting my butt, doubling my workout time at the gym, being really careful about beauty rituals, and just generally trying to make myself as pretty as possible for him. He is almost 30 years older than me (but has a full head of hair, young face, and fit body), and FYI, I do realize I am being extremely pathetic, but I'm sure I'll pull out of the funk. Please don't judge.
DeadOfDecember DeadOfDecember
22-25, F
2 Responses Sep 6, 2011

speaking as a 40 yr old male i would be wary of men ten years older than me spending time with someone of your age. You are too young for him.

10 years older??? Honey, please. I don't date any guys who aren't at least 15 years older. I'm not attracted physically to young men, and I find I've very little in common with them. Go back to your judgmental little same-age cave and leave May-December lovers alone.

Yeah I really regret letting a school crush go without trying to at least be friends with her. <br />
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I had forgotten about it when I got my first girlfriend at the very end of high school. But now that that's been long gone and done for about 2.5 years now, I've sorta fallen back hard on the crush I had for that girl.