Ex-boyfriend Royal Marine. Get New Boyfriend. Hide From Rm. Ex Starts Making Effort. Confused. In Love With Him. Really Like New Boyfriend... Help

Went out with my ex-boyfriend for 2 years and he was my first true love (i'm just turned 20) I genuinely thought we were going to get married and everything. He tried to blame the end of it on me, but i know it was because he was going into the Royal Marines and wanted to be single (i was his first ever girlfriend-think he wanted to explore) and i also think he was trying to be kind to me with him being away all the time once he started. We slept together from when we split in October until he went away in the January, with him always telling me he'd still want to sleep with me even if he got a new girlfriend because he couldn't 'resist' me, (but doesn't love me...uhuh...)
(i'm the only girl he's slept with... but i'm also a 34FF so i think his thing for boobs is more to do with it than loving me if i'm realistic...not that i want him...but then again im not sure :( hence this!)

Once he left i really, really missed him and he claimed to miss me, i sent him gifts and we skyped etc although not too much, but i found out through friends he was hiding things on his Facebook from me. He rang me begging forgiveness because i threatened to cut him out my life, and gave me his password to change his settings so i could see. I didn't read any of his messages, but i searched their content for my name in the search box and found out last June he'd said to a relative stranger (more a vague friend of MY brothers!) that he didn't miss me when i was away (i was on holiday for 2 weeks with my sister in Ibiza and i was miserable because he had his final test for being accepted into the RM!), that he also found me irritating and he was only with me because my dad had given him a job before he was due to o to training so he had money!!! We didn't break up till October so this broke my heart and we'd gone to York for a long weekend and all sorts over summer and i'd never felt closer to him so it totally crushed me! I confronted him and yet again he begged and denied it all saying when he was on leave in easter he'd make it up to me.

When he was back for 2 weeks he begged me to meet him off the train on the Friday (which i did) and to stay at his house on the Sunday (which i lied to my family to do!) despite all the things he'd done after we'd broken up and the MANY things he did throughout our 2 year relationship. Later in the week i was going to a pub quiz where we used to work together which he'd said he had wanted to pop in to for a catch up. I told him, i was going regardless but he was welcome to meet me there so he wasn't alone because he hadn't worked there the last year i had. When he was driving me home he kept saying he didn't realise it would be that 'intense' and he'd have to see me as much when it had all been HIM that had been asking?!

I didn't see him again and told him on his second week home on the Monday that i was at a relatives funeral on the Tuesday, and on the Tues he texted asking if i wanted to go shopping so had totally forgotten!! Whilst the new guy i'd been briefly dating texted to check i was ok at the funeral!? (and i'm meant to believe he cares..)

I didn't see him all week and when he asked to see me on the Friday, before he went back on the Sunday night i refused. He realised i was going on a date so begged me on the Saturday to see him and we ended up spending the day together. He spent the whole time saying how gorgeous i looked, how much he'd missed me and what an idiot he'd acted over the 2 weeks he'd been home not making an effort. (yes i did sleep with him 3/4 times while he was home over Easter because i still love him and i'm an idiot...)

Ever since he's returned for training he'll go out of his way to just chat to me and ask how i'm doing, skype me, text me regularly and even today sent me a card saying 'Good Luck on your exams, Love 'Name' xxxxxxxxxxxx'. Part of me knows it's because he knows im seeing someone else but another part is not sure if that just made him realise what he lost (in a good way?).

Basically i've currently got a new boyfriend but i've restricted my facebook profile so only about 5 people can see my new relationship status so my ex doesn't find out. I know if he was home, i'd struggle over which guy to choose. And today when i got his good luck card and it said 'love xxxxxxxx' i nearly started to cry. When i think about not being with him anymore my chest feels so tight and i feel like my hearts stopped. Sometimes i think if he really loved me at all, considering the job he does, he'd live every life to the second and want to be with me and make it work. So i'm guessing he just wants no one else to have me. But when i ask him, he won't give me an answer. He's told me it would mean the world to him if i went to his passing out parade in september but then it will have been almost a year since he dumped me, and i'm safely assuming my new boyfriend wouldn't approve. I just don't know what to do :(

Everyone has said since we split up they don't know what i was doing with him. 'What is a good looking law student doing with a moron marine i couldn't understand for 2 years!!'. but i loved him so so much and i know i still do, but after how much he messed me around while we were going out and since part of me just doesn't want to be made a fool of by getting back with him... and my family would probably disown me because he has upset me so much they want him out my life :(...) Someone please help!!
MissBC1212 MissBC1212
18-21, F
1 Response May 16, 2012

it's easy to be a fool for love... through the journey, take good care of your heart!