I Still Love Him

I am only 18 years old, but I am certain that I have been in love. So many people have told me that I am too young to love someone else...maybe they were right. Or maybe it was real love, not just the "teenage" idea of love. When I was younger, I used to fantasize about finding "that guy"- the one that could make all the bad stuff going on in my life just disappear. When I was in ninth grade I finally found him and it was simply amazing...

But, as the saying goes, "all good things have to come to an end eventually." The relationship came to an end just a little bit too soon and my heart was broken in a matter of minutes. I still remember the day he broke up with me...I even remember the song that was playing in the background when he said, "I think I like my friend." I knew something had been going on between him and one of his girl friends, but I never thought that he would leave me for her.

So, here's my story:

The problems in our relationship all started when he got his license. He started ditching me to hang out with his friend or he would cancel our plans so that he could go to her house. When I was away at swim meets for a few weekends, he wouldn't call me to see how I was swimming or even text me, and I didn't even bother calling him because I knew he was with her. I was sick for a week with the flu and he never once came to my house to see how I was doing...when she got sick the next week he went to her house almost every day. He even started lying to me--telling me that he was at home when he was actually at her house. He knew that I would get mad if I found out that he was with her every day. I thought that we would be able to talk it out and everything would be okay...but I was wrong.

Slowly, our relationship became centered around this girl...every conversation was an argument---I told him that what he was doing to me was wrong and he told me that she was just a friend. Finally, a few months later he broke up with me. Two weeks later, he was with his friend. The worst part was, when he broke up with her a month after they started dating, he told me he still loved me and I rushed back into his arms without even thinking about what I was doing, and then 2 months later, he went back to her. My heart was shattered into a thousand pieces and for weeks, I couldn't function. I couldn't eat without feeling sick, whenever I saw him in school I would have to run to the nearest bathroom and cry, every song reminded me of him, every book we read in school I could somehow relate to my relationship with him and I couldn't do my homework without bursting into tears. It felt like my entire world was crashing down and there wasn't anything I could do to keep it up.

Everybody told me that I would get over him someday and I would be okay. I didn't believe them at the time, but slowly my feelings for him started lessening, until finally I liked someone else...who is also my best friend. Eight months after the  break ups, I started dating my friend and everything seemed amazing for awhile. But lately I have been thinking about my ex-boyfriend and all of the memories that we shared when we were together. Seeing him everyday still hurts and seeing him with her hurts even more. I think I am still in love with my ex-boyfriend and I don't know what to do about it...I am dating another person and I could never break up with him and hurt him the way that my ex-boyfriend hurt me...

e1m0h7 e1m0h7
18-21, F
2 Responses Mar 11, 2010

:'( i kinda teared up reading this... Ahah, i can really relate

its normal to think of your ex and what happen from the past, but don't ever compare him to any guys your with. Cause you never know, the guy your with now or the next one might be way better ,then him ......trust me your ex is not worth it and plus he does deserve you. Like the old saying goes fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me........sry if I was ever mean >_<, I do understand you