Still In Love, and Very Mad About It
My husband left me on new years day. It's now nearly 8 months later and I'm still in love with him. He left out of nowhere after several suicide attempts and forced hospitalizations I thought I was getting over him. I hardly cry about it at all any more. I even started seeing other people. I thought I didn't love him any more, but I was wrong. I keep having dreams about us getting back together and I am so sad when I wake up that he's not beside me that I have taken to not sleeping on certain nights because I am so scared of the crushing sadness I feel upon awaking. After thinking about it I realized that I am still in love with him and would take him back in a second even though he abandond me when I needed him most. I think about him all the time and it's not all bad. I do love him, but I also hate him. I HATE HIM SOOOO MUCH!!! I have almost everything about him, I hate how he looks, how he sounds, how he smells, his interests, his friends and ecspecially his family. I hate him! I honestly think the world would be a better place if he was never born. But I love him at the same time. I know I hate him more then I love him, but it dosen't change the fact that I do love him. I don't want to love him any more. But there's something inside of me that won't let me stop.