Still In Love, and Very Mad About It

My husband left me on new years day.  It's now nearly 8 months later and I'm still in love with him.  He left out of nowhere after several suicide attempts and forced hospitalizations I thought I was getting over him.  I hardly cry about it at all any more.  I even started seeing other people.  I thought I didn't love him any more, but I was wrong.  I keep having dreams about us getting back together and I am so sad when I wake up that he's not beside me that I have taken to not sleeping on certain nights because I am so scared of the crushing sadness I feel upon awaking.  After thinking about it I realized that I am still in love with him and would take him back in a second even though he abandond me when I needed him most.  I think about him all the time and it's not all bad.  I do love him, but I also hate him.  I HATE HIM SOOOO MUCH!!!  I have almost everything about him, I hate how he looks, how he sounds, how he smells, his interests, his friends and ecspecially his family.  I hate him!  I honestly think the world would be a better place if he was never born.  But I love him at the same time.  I know I hate him more then I love him, but it dosen't change the fact that I do love him.  I don't want to love him any more.  But there's something inside of me that won't let me stop.

imemfdye imemfdye
2 Responses Jul 26, 2009

I feel the same way you do. I wish I could tell you time helps but I don't think that is true for all people. It's been 24 years since my husband left me and I still love him so much. I dream of him and wake feeling terrible. I never ask about him but hang on every word any says about him. He married 12 years ago but I never did. It does get easier if you move away. I did and the every day reminders aren't every where. I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

I am so sorry to hear about your ex, but maybe it was the best thing he could of done for himself. And besides, it doesn't sound like it was a good situation for either one of you to be in. And if he is your "one" it will all work out, maybe this is his time to focus on his life and how to make himself better!