Irritated

I'm not sure if I'm not "over" my ex or not. Probably not, since I'm writing this. The stupid part, that really bugs me about this whole thing is that we broke up over two years ago. We were together almost two years, and since then I've had another two year relationship (given that happened almost immediately after the breakup).

I was dating my ex for 2 years, and when we brokeup I immediately started dating a friend of mine. Throughout that entire relationship I still longed for my ex, even though I loved my new beau. The second relationship is now over and I still miss my previous ex. We don't talk anymore, I know he knows how I feel and he doesn't want to have anything to do with me. We used to talk and hang out once in a while, but that ended long ago.

I don't really want to get back together with him, I just want him to be in my life, but he is not and he doesn't want to be, and it breaks my heart. He was my best friend. I love him more than I've loved anyone. Its not even about the romantic relationship we had, its about who he is, and the friendship we had (even though that was a part of the relationship). I just miss him, and I'm sad every time I think about him. I will be completely fine one day, or one week, and then all of the sudden, I'm missing him again.

I just don't know what to do. I either want to be friends with him or I want any feeling for him to leave me. But I don't think either is possible. I'm just really irritated with myself for feeling these feelings and not being able to let go after over two years. It is way to long to dwell on somthing, and I know in my head that he doesn't want any part of me. I just can't accept it. You can't help who you love.

I need advice if anyone has any. but i doubt it. i'm just sad.