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Still Not Over My Ex-boyfriend After 10 Years

A few years after my ex-boyfriend and I broke up I met a woman in a cafe. She talked about her break up and I could relate, the pain she described was so real I asked her when did it happen. I was thinking months if not days by this woman's reaction. She said oh ten years. Then i thought to myself no not me No not me!

After one failed serious relationship and some flings.

It has been my 10 years and the pain, the anger, the hurt and yes the love is still fresh.

I saw his picture on facebook and I hurt so bad!

I no longer cry but I still get depressed over it.

What could have been... what should have been.

I see his wife, the woman he cheated with and wonder



I feel like a failure and think that love is just not for me.

I am worried, 10 years and I am still not over it.

The relationship lasted 6 years.... shouldn't't I BE OVER IT BY NOW.

Am i not pass the stage of looking him up on facebook, or praying a family member brings him up so i know how he has been.

Am I pass looking or talking to other guys wishing they were him.

I feel pathetic.


anyone out there can tell me, how to get over this guy.

I love him sooooo much and I am was soooo hurt.

athenalolita athenalolita 26-30 202 Responses Apr 7, 2010

Your Response


Well the woman I'm still in love she is amazing, she have a great job, great family, she is beautiful, she is a woman never give up, the nice thing was help me out of my selfs team, she help me out to keep going in my job, she help me to support my mom when I was unemployed, she was thought me to improve my English, we had a lot of plans together and dreams but after 1 years she break up with me her last words was 'leave me alone' I can't forget about her she don't want talk to me, she already move on she has a new bf and she seems happy with him but he doesn't love her I can notice in his attitude to her in Facebook comment and pictures.
About me every time I wanna like meet someone I don't have mood is not born in myself to do so, so I prefer keep the friendship and continue my single life. I really can't over her my ex.
I really love her so much until today, after the break up I'm still buy to her every year a post card of her birthday and Xmas and I keep it if one day she will talk to me I will gave her all the post cards I have.
Will be nice if we talk again and we back like use to be.
Dream is not cost you nothing right?

Thanks for listen my thoughts!

This is something I have experienced for 19 years. My first boyfriend married the girl he dated after my parents forbid me to date him. He has children with this woman. I eventually got married to a really nice man I have no children. But never got over him. I cry every day of my life. It is ther worst pain imaginable and it never goes away. I am an educated professional woman with friends and hobbies. I see a pysch for this for counseling and anxiety and depression medication. I wish I was brave enough to stand up to my parents when I was 19. I live with regret and the deepest sadness.

I understand exactly how you're feeling. I'm married, have 2 beautiful boys and still think about my ex everyday.we broke up 14 years ago. I Look at his FB and his wife's facebook. The Pain is incredible. Wish I could meet him one last time for closure. I'm trying to remember the negatives in our relationship and trying my very best to turn that love into hate.
Good luck to you

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It's because you don't like that guy at all and your mind is playing tricks on you, you're not hurt you just feel like it because you actually have feelings for the new guy, and you worry and care about him so you're body hurts I'm love and you're worried you'll lose him.

Even though this is an old post, I feel your pain like you won't believe. I have been broken up for 8 years and I still love my ex more than anything. It has controlled my life and no matter what I try to do I can't feel the same about another girl. She was and still is amazing. It saddens me so much to think about how I could be alone forever and never feel the same way again. Ever. I get depressed at times when I think about it or see her on Facebook etc. I must sound pathetic but it's just a love I have never been able to get over...

I've just googled this topic in desperation after looking up my ex on Facebook (again), crying and wondering what is WRONG with me. How can I still feel such intense sadness and pain 8 years after we broke up? He has a new life with another woman - part of me is really glad he's happy because he's a good person and deserves it... but it still hurts soo much and I still miss him so very deeply. He was my first love, my soulmate and best friend. When he decided to leave, it was totally unexpected and the most gut-wrenching, heart-breaking shock I've ever had in my life. The trauma of the break up has remained with me to some extent over the years. I just knew I'd never be the same again after he left. He did tell me at the time he'd always love me and I guess I've clung to that and have hoped deep down we'd reunite one day when the time was right. However, he does seem to have completely moved on and doesn't even want to be friends.I have tried really, really hard to heal myself and get over him - counselling, CBT, writing out feelings, trying to convince myself he wasn't that special, filling my life with friends/hobbies etc. but none of it has truly worked long-term. I've just left a two year relationship, which I hoped would help me finally move on from my ex (everyone says when you meet someone new you stop thinking about your ex... never happened for me). I just never felt anywhere near as in love/passionate about my recent boyfriend as I did about my ex. It actually felt worse being in this mediocre relationship than being alone... it made me miss what I had with my ex even more. I also felt really guilty that I was still thinking about my ex when I was with someone else.I have reached a point where it's hard to even imagine meeting someone I will feel so strongly about ever again. Some days are ok and I feel more positive; others are really hard, especially when there are specific reminders or I have a vivid dream about him. I wake up from these dreams with an overwhelming sadness weighing me down. It's amazing how fresh the grief can still feel sometimes, despite the fact it's been 8 years. Time definitely doesn't heal all things. I've kind of accepted that I may always feel this grief and it's something I just have to live with, unfortunately.Maybe I'm delusional (some of my friends think I am) or maybe he really is the love of my life and I won't find that again. It's so hard and my heart goes out to everyone else here who is struggling with this issue.

Hello. I can relate to you.Your story is very, very similar to mine. It has been 8 years. He has been happily (or it may seem) with someone. I am currently engaged. Still, I feel the love, the hurt,... He doesnt want to be friends. I have tried to be friends but he seems not interested. I frequently have vivid dreams in which I look for him, try to get him back but he always turn me down. He was my first love, I has so much pasion and love for him. I havent been able to feel the same for anyone, not even my fiance. I do love my fiance, but is not the same. I sometimes I get depressed. I do feel the guilt as you describe for thinking about him. Some days I just wish I could go to the past and fix things but I cant. Tried may ways for forget him but I have come to realize that I may feel this way forever.

Today was one of those bad days. My fiance caught me crying and I told him that I missed my ex or at least my past. Something I have been trying to overcome. He was shocked but hugged me.

Thanks for sharing your story - it does sound very similar to mine. I suppose it's nice to know we're not alone in how we feel but it is so, so difficult... especially when you're in another relationship where you care about the person but you just don't feel the same way. I know how confusing and depressing it can be.

hi- your story is very similar to me. in my case its been 15 years. I will wake from dreams with heavy sadness weighing on me. She was my first love.

Hi. I know this is probably a response from a while ago. How do you feel about this now? I also googled this... and also thought I was crazy. Lol and your response stuck out to me. It's been 2 years for me. I've moved very far far far from my hometown. I have a completely new life since I've been with this guy. I don't even think he thinks about me or even cared about me as much as I him. I have no idea. He told me the same thing too. Maybe it's because he doesn't have social media.... I have no idea who he is now or what he is doing.. I think about it, our break up everything. I try to find him online... I talk about him to people who live back there and try to hear SOMETHING about him. I look for it. I dream about him. Honestly.... at least once a week. I am in a current relationship that is everything I wanted and it still feels like something is missing. I love this person I am with but feel as if he is more of my deep, loving, friend. I think that maybe I feel this way because I still feel this want, this knowing, this home that I had with my ex. I don't know if it's the idea of this person.. or really him I miss. All I know was that when we were together we could do nothing NOTHING.. and I was happy. And to be quiet honest we were so comfortable and so in love with just each others presence that it was exactly what we did..nothing and did not mind. Lol, We became an unproductive couple... We did not fight a lot either... we broke up really because he used a lot and kind of just broke up with me because he wanted to do these drugs.......but I also left the relationship feeling as if he used my soul. He never gave a reason to our break up. It really was out of the blue...... which hurt even more and left my neurotic for months losing weight and heavy drinking to cover up my anxiety. I was emotionally dependent without realizing it. Now I am not emotionally dependent on anyone. In fact, I forget what that is like. In a way that was all the good that came out of this break up... but this dependence wasn't even there before him either...which breaks even. So like I said, I felt very used after the year we were together... a very gut wrenching feeling that the death of my father didn't even come close to. (I KNOW IT SOUNDS HORRIBLE, but it is very true). And there were different circumstances. It was so great until he wanted to break up and all I received in the mail a year later was an amends (emends?) note that was obviously an assignment from AA to make amends. It was generic and just openly admitted things that he had done to me that he could not admit, even months after post break-up. He admitted to cheating too. So I feel like a loser who fell so deeply for a user abuser... but it wasn't until he broke up with me had I realized it. During the relationship it felt SO REAL though. I was head over heals... and he really was not selfish towards me. He really put my first. Was so in love with me too. I felt so special to be loved by someone like him. Do you think this is just the idea of him I am in love with or just plain old him? I feel like he would have gotten in contact with me by now. What do you think?

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I honestly feel your pain. I'm in this current situation now, it hasn't been 10 years but it has been four since we broke up and I still think about him. every. single. day. The feeling is still there and I dare say I haven't felt exactly the same about anyone else since. I feel like such an awful person as I have a current boyfriend which is long term and I do love him, he is everything I ever wanted in a partner and what I set out to look for when I broke up with my ex.

But the same intensity isn't there. It doesn't help that I think my ex feels the same way also, he still rings me, he still reminisces about times we had sometimes although he hasn't for a while. He is also in a long term relationship. I know I could never go back there because whilst the feelings and the passion of the relationship were so intense, it was also toxic and I knew it would destroy me if I didn't get out.

I googled this subject because I thought I was crazy, I don't want to feel this way, I don't choose to feel this way. And the prospect of feeling like this for years and years about someone who I am unable to have a relationship with frightens the life out of me. I just want to know if it will ever go away? When I am old will I look back and wish I'd spent my life with him?

The situation is made worse that we have a lot of mutual friends. I recently had to face him and his current partner, although I had mine with me also, and I really got on with his girlfriend, but I want to avoid becoming friends with her. I want to be able to look at him and feel absolutely nothing.

I just have no idea how to finally shut that door and keep it closed, I feel like I'm drowning and I have to pretend everything is ok. I don't want to end up hurting my current partner, he is amazing. Although the situation isn't good, it is nice to know that I am not the only person with this problem. If anyone gets past this, tell me how!?

The breakup was so traumatic. He was so angry, but I had to get away. After when I was ready to talk, he wanted nothing to do with me. And that's when I started feeling stuck, it felt weird to feel relief at the relationship being over and feeling deep sadness that there was no closure.
I started to get over him, then I ran into someone who told me he met someone - it had only been two months. Then the sadness would come back just like it was brand new. After a while, I started feeling better. Then I ran into someone who told me he was engaged - it had only been six months. Then the sadness came back more strongly and with more intensity and I started obsessing. It was awful because I didn't want him back, but it's as if my feelings got stuck in a compartment in my heart separate from the rest of my body, separate from common sense. Then they told me he was married, they bought a house, he joined her faith.... all these things he never did for me, for us - it hadn't been a year. And something broke inside and I've never seemed to be able to get over it completely since.
It sucks. I have good days, then I have days like today. I worked as long as I could, because there was a scent in the air today that grabbed something inside my memory, I can't even tell what it is, just that I started feeling despair and sadness. And I'm different now too. It's funny, I really like the person I am becoming, just wish that stuck part didn't exist. It's blocking love from my life. And it exists all the time.

I read about limerence. Don't know if it fits this exactly, because I don't want him back, I just want him out of my cell memory. Out of my heart.

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I know I still love my ex, even though it's been over 10 years since we broke up. I feel completely devastated and depressed whenever I find out he's dating someone new even though I've been with my significant other for almost 10 years now. I know I hurt him badly when I left him without much warning. He was my first love, we were together 4 years in our early 20s. I just had issues! I felt that I was too young and uncertain, I hadn't been with anyone else. He started moving toward marriage and I was afraid. I also wasn't ready to be a stepmom as he had 2 kids already. I've just never felt anything really romantic toward my current partner, although we are very close friends. My relationship with my ex was very intense, we had this deep understanding of each other. I felt something when we were intimate, I've never felt that with my current SO or anyone else. I don't even like to kiss my bf, for some reason I hold that as more of an intimate act than actual sex.
But now that I've stated all of this, there are times when I just feel like I can't come clean with my ex and tell him how I feel. I want him to move on and be happy, I don't want to pull him back down and possibly break his heart again. I mean it HAS been 10 years, we are prob both very different people now. He DID break my heart as well while we were together but we moved past it, we didn't break up from that. And not to justify anything, but like I said we were both fairly young and mistakes were made. I don't know if I'm just misinterpreting all of what I'm feeling since I've never been in love before or after him. I know he still loves me, I know we are soulmates if that exists, but I don't want to ruin his new relationship either. I cannot hurt him again. Maybe sometimes soulmates aren't meant to be together... All I know is right now I feel like I can barely function or breathe. I'm not sure what to do.

I just saw this. I don't know if you feel the same way still. For me it has been so hard. It has been 8 years since my ex and me were together. We went through so much pain and so much love. I since have remarried and love my husband but I hurt. I see my ex's Facebook now and he is in a relationship and get mad!!! I want to contact him but I respect my vows. It hurts. I have a beautiful daughter with my husband but I have never really felt that spark that I did with my ex. I often find myself going through these stages of feeling sad. On certain kind of days I close my eyes and it's like.... I wish he was there. I don't know if it will ever get better... We were together for 5 close to 6 years. What is wrong with me? I am married. He is a good guy, a guy that many women would want. Why do I keep looking at my ex's Facebook seeing what he is up too? How do I let this go? When does the hurt stop? Someone out there please respond.... Should I find a way to contact him.... I'm begining to think cousenling will help. But I am a counselor...

I was dating my ex for 5 years... I never thought it would be a major relationship In my life as he was older than me and I was not really sexually attracted to him but over the year he became my lover, my friend and someone i just loved being with in fact it was the first time in my life I was truly in love. He had some commitment issue which suited me at the start and after being together for 5 years he one day out of the blue expressed how much he loved me. I always knew he did but because of the line of work he was in I also knew he had a hard time expressing himself verbally and his commitment issues also had a connection with that. The day he told me he loved me should have been a mile stone in our relationship because this man who kept his emotions locked inside him had finally opened up but with it was not as he also told me in a round about way, that he could never more forward in our relationship because of his own issues. that broke my heart then and there and i knew i was never going to get anything more from the relationship than what it was, so I walked away. it is now 5 years later and this man still holds the key to my heart which I hate so much. i keep reminding myself, it is better to have loved than to not have loved at all but I do miss him and think i could have handled the whole thing better instead of just walking away. c'est la vie- what will be will be

This is so has been 4 years since I last saw a man who technically was not my ex as we were never in a confirmed relationship..but we pretty much were. I met him when I was at present already in a relationship with my now husband. From the minute I laid eyes on him I couldn't stop thinking about him. He made it pretty obvious he fancied me and used to tell my boyfriend that he was a lucky man to have me. We used to flirt etc but I never done anything about it as I did love my boyfriend...untill one time in 2009 after I got back from a holiday with my boyfriend the connection was so strong we could no longer keep our hands off each other...we started seeing each other after things went wrong with my boyfrirnd. I was in heaven with this guy I adored him...however after a couple of months a lie had been made that I was still with my ex...we fell out and he stopped talking to me. After a couple of months he came back to me but he soon told me he was moving to go to uni and started seeing this girl. He still wanted me in his life but I blocked him and never wanted to speak to him again. I tried to block him out and move and my ex boyfriend made up we had a child got married and had another child..I never stopped thinking of my ex praying one day my husband would make me feel the love that I got from this guy. The other day I went to my local supermarket and saw him working behind the counter!! Omg I was not expecting to see him there because he had moved to uni so I was shocked to see him.back working in my town. Its been 3 years since I have spoken to him, I have not stopped thinking about him I know that I will love him forever. I have tried to move on even got married and whilst I do love and care for my husband it's just not as strong as the love I have for this guy xx


my name is Robin Shelly. Seriously i flattened when my Husband of 8 years left to be with another woman in Texas. I cried and sobbed every day, until it got so bad that I couldn't bear it anymore. and i reached out to the Internet for help, until i hit on the real thing, and that is you Dr.Alubart. I almost gave up trying to get my Ex Husband back and having a contented family again.. I had tried the whole lot I knew, and with your spells, blessings and extraordinary magical powers, you did all the work, and immediately after 24 hours, my Ex Husband came back to me and he was penitent for everything that he has done. And now my life is balanced and i am happy again. Dr.Alubart you do a great service to people, and I don't think many people had known about you. You are the diamond in the rough. Thank you Dr.Alubart You are talented and you give off yourself so freely like you did to me. Thank you for weaving your magical love spells for me and Sergio. He is back to me just the way it was when we first met.. from the depths of my soul! I am immensely happy now. Thank you and God bless you so much sir. now my man is back to me just in 24 hours, as you have said i am fully rewarded. Thank you so much sir, Lots of appreciations.. Here is Dr.Alubart Website: website: http://ogojidogospirituallovespell.web... and his Email: Robin Shelly frm New York. his web sitehttp://ogojidogospirituallovespell.web...........


my name is Robin Shelly. Seriously i flattened when my Husband of 8 years left to be with another woman in Texas. I cried and sobbed every day, until it got so bad that I couldn't bear it anymore. and i reached out to the Internet for help, until i hit on the real thing, and that is you Dr.Alubart. I almost gave up trying to get my Ex Husband back and having a contented family again.. I had tried the whole lot I knew, and with your spells, blessings and extraordinary magical powers, you did all the work, and immediately after 24 hours, my Ex Husband came back to me and he was penitent for everything that he has done. And now my life is balanced and i am happy again. Dr.Alubart you do a great service to people, and I don't think many people had known about you. You are the diamond in the rough. Thank you Dr.Alubart You are talented and you give off yourself so freely like you did to me. Thank you for weaving your magical love spells for me and Sergio. He is back to me just the way it was when we first met.. from the depths of my soul! I am immensely happy now. Thank you and God bless you so much sir. now my man is back to me just in 24 hours, as you have said i am fully rewarded. Thank you so much sir, Lots of appreciations.. Here is Dr.Alubart Website: website: http://ogojidogospirituallovespell.web... and his Email: Robin Shelly frm New York. his web sitehttp://ogojidogospirituallovespell.web...........

goodness me after gg through this insane emotions alone for 6 years i decided to google it up and see so many similar stories. i havent known one person who lingers around post-breakup as long as me and it feels so good to know its normal and i have company. they always say it gets better in time, well i PRETEND to them like it does. no one knows that up till now it drives me crazy that i have burst of urges to text him up and stuff. how long will this go on for? I dont wanna miss out on my own happy ending just cause i was busy following up on his life

another qn i have is if ill be able to completely get over this after im married. i would not like to still think or miss him after having a husband and kids. but the stories shared here shows otherwise. sigh it'll feel like an inescapable prison if so

wish i had an answer

Look up the term "limerance."<br />
<br />
This is what people like you and me are dealing with. I suppose it's not as insane as it seems, since so many people seem to share this experience. It's been 10 years for me, too <3

I often feel like a loser because its been 8 years and my ex still controls me and he dont even know it. Im 22 and I met him when I was about 14.. we fell in love with each other almost instantly. .we had one of those break up to make up relationships. We broke up like 10 times in 4 years.. we stopped talking completely in 2011 but my heart still beats for him.. he was my first love and I believe he spoiled me..he always smelled good and dressed nice.. never had bad breath. Teeth is pearly white..he doesn't smoke or drink and takes care of his body.. he has a great smile he isfunny smart and romantic.. he adores his mother and has the greatest respect for his step father... I have had like 2 serious relationships after him but non that compared to his love and comfortability.. at this moment we are both single but im afraid of putting myself out there.. I dont ununderstand how you can have such deep and passionate feelings about someone and not be with them.. im afraid he will eventually get married maybe have children and im still jumping from one relationship to another all because they cant fill his shoes.. sometimes I just wish I knew how he really felt about me and that way I can execute my future accurately.. I dont wanna be the girl who settle either all because my greatest love was when I was damn near a child !! HELP!!

oh my god. i relate best to your story! so frigging similar. I feel you :( god being in this place sucks. HEEEEEELP

I got involved really young too - I think when you get together with someone so deeply during your developmental stages it really makes things harder.

It's hard to forget your ex. Mine is more than ten years, and when we first communicated and met after ten years, the spark came back. So I guess during those years, I really did not forget him, but I was just denying. The emotional freedom technique helped me to somehow ease the pain. Google emotional freedom technique.

10 years and I still talk to my ex- girlfriend, I fell hard for her, and it still hurts all the time. we hooked up a few times, but I never had sex with her after we broke up, wanted to, just couldn't do it for some reason.. I still want her back, and she knows it too, she just isn''t into it right now I guess... or maybe she likes the attention... either way, I'm still fighting... now that's pathetic...

12 years ago I broke up with an Ex for the second time. We were 16 (1998) when we first started dating (even lost my virginity to him). 5 months later we broke up then two years (2000) later we found each other again through a mutal friend and started dating again. Well after a few months things weren't going well for me where I lived he was born and raised there, everthing and everyone he knew and loved was there. I couldn't ask him to leave it all. So I broke up with him. I never told him why.

I moved west in 2001 got married and had three kids. I was married for 9 years but I wasn't happy. I thought about my ex A LOT over the years even tried looking him up on Facebook and Myspace. Never thought he would be trying to do the same after what I did to him (twice)

Well Feb of 2013 I got a friend request on Facebook. HE FOUND ME!!! I couldn't believe it. Come to find out all these years I was spelling his last name wrong. I was off by one letter. I was still out west and he was still east. We skyped everynight. But to make a long story short... I am back in the east with my children living with him and him and I promised to never let each other go again. So the saying is true. Love is like a butterfly, you let it go if it comes back to you it's ment to be... But don't let it consume your life.. Gaia has a plan for all of us we just have to listen to her.

You are not pathetic, so please dont even let that cross your mind. My story is extremely personal, but I really need to vent. I have never commented or shared anything this personal online before. I guess it may be because ive always believed that i have a really great support system at home. I have a very understanding mother who has ALWAYS been there for me. She tries to help me with any problems that im dealing with. My sisters are also great listeners. But lately I've come to realize that they dont seem to understand me at all. Anyway its very nice of all of you to share your stories on such a personal topic. <br />
<br />
This is my story: Im 24 years old and I was dating my brother in laws best friend who is 31years old. <br />
We first met at my sisters wedding. For me it was love at first sight. We talked, danced, and had a good time. A few weeks later I contacted him on Fb. Long story short we started dating. It was a long distance relationship which was great for me BC I was dealing with a BIG problem, my eating disorder. Ive had an eating disorder for 8 years. But I never hid that from him. From the very beginning I told him about it. I have always been an open book about my e.d. Of coarse I was scared and embarrassed to tell him everything but I knew that it was the right thing to do. After a year things slowly started to go downhill. Eating disorders are very complicated. It started causing a lot of stress in our relationship. I was unhappy because it was still a part of me and he was unhappy because of my mood swings, health issues, depression etc. I was basically a human roller coaster. It got to the point that I would start fights with him over every single thing. It was not what I wanted. I do love him very much. I hate who I was with my E.D. Not only did it affect me physically, but emotionally as well. I took so many things out on the one person who truly meant a lot to me. Eventually we broke up, then got back together, broke up, and so on. After that i decided to go to treatment because I really wanted things to work out. I was in treatment for a while but then I started to miss him so much. I just wanted to get better on my own. So I went back and spent more time with him in SC. Until it started all over again. I understand that it was really stressful, complicated, and unfair to him. I regret so many things and I wish I could change it all but I can't. We broke up for good a year ago. We didn't talk for several months then we started talking again in July. He came down to spend the 4th of July with his family at the beach. Coincidentally, I was down there doing the exact same thing. So we agreed on meeting up for lunch. We had lunch and things went well. It was short, but I really felt like I was getting closure somehow. Except shortly after that I started to miss him again. Everything just seemed so unfair. I keep beating myself up about how my stupid E.D. got in the way of so many things in my life. I can only imagine how I started to sound like a broken record BC I kept promising that I would get over it time after time. It just never happened. So recently I told him that I am going to treatment for the full three months and that I'm not leaving until I recover. I went to treatment and we talked everyday emailing, texting, phoning, etc. I made the huge mistake of having expectations.. I expected him to visit me while I was in treatment. I expected him to want to be there for me on family day. I expected him to show me that he really did want to fix things. But that was wrong of me because I needed to get better. I was focusing more on our relationship than on my recovery. He grew tired of it. He stopped calling, texting, emailing me all together. I'm so unbelievably torn about it. I never wanted to hurt him. But that's all that I seemed to do. I wish that I could somehow talk to him face to face to explain so many things. But at this point I know that he doesn't want to hear it. I wouldn't want to hear it.. so I can understand. I just hope that once I am fully recovered I can have a chance to talk to him or show him how im not the same person. I'm not my eating disorder anymore. I hope he hasn't let my eating disorder define me.


Thank you so much for sharing this. My story is almost the same.. I only got over my ed when we were finally broken up. I saw that it ruined my relationship and I wanted to fix it before it was too late. Unfortunately he was already done. He had gone to someone else. The fighting and mood swings were too much for him. I never told him what the problem was. I wish I could tell him now, but he wouldn't understand and probably just tell his new gf. I'm embarrassed I let it ruin my life and now it's ruined my relationship. It's been five months and I'm not over it. You understand what it's like to have an ed, it's part of you.. so in a way I've lsot two things now.. that, and my relationship. All I can do now it hope I can find someone else, and be this new person with him.

my ex had an eating disorder and funny i think i picked it up from him. after he left i gained 80lbs its been a battle for me since. maybe i was predisposed to having one idk

Reading this has opened my eyes slightly but I don't know what to do , I'm 21 years old and four years ago when I was in college I met this amazing girl actually through a guy in my class who liked her but she chose me instead, anyway we talked for hours every day staying up until 6am talking online we eventually ended up going out, we never had a single argument or fight the entire time we were together..... But almost a year into it and my family decided they were moving back nearer to where most my family lives 300miles away so I broke up with her because I didn't think it would be fair to force the whole distance thing to work..... So I moved away and we never spoke for 2 years imediately after breaking up with her I slumped into a whirlwind of depression but decided to get back in touch a year ago it's been for years now and we speak sporadically when we have time between her being at university and me working but just as I thought we'd be ok as friends she started bringing up in conversation the things we did and I thought ok no harm in reminiscing the good times but she also has said on several occasions that I'm the best boyfriend she's ever had and that she sometimes wishes that we never broke up, that's what started me thinking and all the feelings came rushing back from nowhere and now It's dawned on me I never stopped loving her I just forced myself to forget it but I just can't anymore, just last week we were on Skype til 3am talking just like we did before I guess I'm just confused I have the opertunity to move back there and probably will I just don't know if she feels the same or not or if it's just me clinging on to an unrealistic prospect of is getting back together

I hope somebody can make sense of this sorry

Any advice would be greatly appreciated :)

She still cares about you she is just afraid to 1) say it 2) live it 3) lose it again. Keep up the way you are if she keeps saying the same thing "You are the best boyfriend I ever had" and "I wish we never broke up". Say to her why did we break up? Get the ball rolling sooner or later if it is meant to be you two will be telling eachother how you truly feel about each other.

Thanks a lot now I just gotta muster up the courage to say something, and when you say ask her why we broke up it was me that ended it because I was moving 300 miles away and didn't want to force the distance thing on her because at that time I felt it would be to much of a commitment for her don't know why I thought that, if you could offer any advice on what to say because I know if I tried to go down the route of telling her id spill my guts out so any advice on that would be awesome, thank you so much for your comment it has made me understand why she says these things :)

I dont know if you read my post I did the same thing about 12 years ago. I broke up with my boyfriend now before I moved 1200 miles away. He found me a year ago after us not talking for 12 years and now I am back east with him and couldn't be happier...

Adk her how she feels. If she feels the same go back to her. It's simple, either be depressed or be happy...

Thanks just gotta muster up the courage to say something I guess I care that much I don't want to hurt or distress her in any way but thank you :)

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Reading all of these posts makes me feel validated in my feelings, which I haven't been able to let go for two years now. I am currently married to my high school sweetheart for four years. About year two, we separated because we just didn't feel in love anymore. We were in our mid twenties and both agreed we didn't want to live a passionate-less existence. While we were separated, I met a man a few years younger than me that recently moved to the area from across the state. We fell instantly IN LOVE. Just the way we looked into each other's eyes was fireworks. The attraction, the meshing of personalities, it felt truly meant to be. You could cut the passionate tension between us with a knife. We met in traffic at a red light, so even the way we met seemed fateful. He had never dated anyone before me (should have been a red flag, I know), he is a bit younger, had made some bad decisions so was still finishing college, in a transient part of his life, and was still a virgin. He was a bit intimidated by me being older, educated, owning my house, having just general life experiences, esp. sexual ones (he was pretty self conscious-took him 4 dates to kiss me), etc. But it almost made it seem like he idolized me, which was like a drug high for me, and just felt so romantic and passionate. I never had someone feel that way about me. Until I told him I was still married and separated from my husband. I was ready to risk it all, get a divorce for him, but he felt completely uncomfortable with the sitution. He didn't want the demise of a marriage riding on his shoulders. He also felt afraid he would allow himself to fall in love and that I would choose my husband in the end, leaving him heartbroken. He slowly just faded away, no word, no breakup. It seemed so easy for him to forget me and go no contact. I couldn't believe how easy he got over me. I was DEVASTATED. Well, a few months later and then every couple months he would contact me and tell me he can't stay away or resist, he had to see me, he was such a sucker for me, I was just the most amazing woman he ever met. It was still these passionate, yearning communications. We would meet up and have these electric dates. At least I knew at that point, even when he pretended to not care, he still did. Yet he always would disappear on me when he got scared/it would get too serious. We never did get sexually intimate because he is so afraid of his inexperience and what I will think of it. So I know he wasn't contacting me just for sex. It finally ended about a year ago when he told me he is moving back home for work (against his will) and he really doesn't see anyway it could work romantically because of long distance. He had another year in this area and asked if we could be friends over that time period. I told him absolutely not and that I needed no contact with him for my heart to mend. It wasn't fair to him, me, or my separated husband. I also knew there was no way for us to be friends. It was his way of safely getting to spend time with me while guarding his heart. Pretty much completely self serving. I didn't understand why he couldn't just take a risk and admit he really felt the same way I did! He respected my wishes and we've had minimal contact (he still tries to send flirty texts every once in awhile) but mostly he likes to act as if he just doesn't have feelings for me, but I know differently. I know in my gut & soul differently... He is AFRAID, inexperienced, and avoidant to any risk whatsoever. Now, the second year has passed and he moves away next month. I am reconciled with my husband, and things are much better in our marriage, but I can't help but feel I am going through the motions. I just cannot get over the other and it makes my marriage seem even duller in comparison than it originally did to the passion of "Mr. went on a few dates". How can 10 dates with someone even be compared to a 10 year relationship? But the 10 dates top it any day. Our dates were special outings and he has told my friends he has never had life experiences like he did with me and that it was the best summer of his life, I gave him the best memories, etc. I think I am feeling especially this way because I know he is leaving and I am curious if he will contact me to see me before he does. I hope he does, more for satisfaction that he still has feelings for me. But what good will it do? It's this hope that keeps me holding on to him. All of his friends and my friends have told me his plan is to get his life together so he can come back and be "good enough for me". But I think he is good enough now. Why can't he see that? Having a relationship end in the throes of passion is horrific, especially when it's outside your control. How can you get over someone when you know in your heart they still love you, too? Even if they will do everything in their power to sabotage the relationship because they have their own personal issues? It is so frustrating and gut wrenching. I just want to forget him and the idealized feeling I associate with him. Or maybe I am crazy? Most men would say, "He is a guy. He's not that deep. He's just not into you." Wish someone could shed some light.

You are right. You are crazy. No sex? Throes 0f passion? Lol. He's Self serving? You're with a man you don't like? For 10 years? Still thinking of another dude? Who sounds gay? I agree you're delusional.

Total troll. You horrible person.

It has been 8 years since I have seen him on my birthday he flew in I can remember like it was yesterday him getting off the plane wrapped in balloons that tall smiling guy from ear to ear my memories are haunting the more I try not to think about him the more the thoughts of what if.... What if he called what if he found me online ... on and on but I am married with two children its awful the thoughts that come to mind torturing in fact I purposely do not have a Facebook because of it and thw watch it's I'm glad I can vent here I dare not tell anyone I know it could ruin so much it was so dreamy the way we met on the ski slopes but it was ended after me acting my immature age of 16 and our parents forbidding us to talk or see each other again after finding out that we were sexually active

This definitely hit home with me. I am 21 years old I have a boyfriend and a daughter and I am truly happy with my little family. Except for the fact that my ex is always on my mind. I mean like he was my first true love he was my everything but he treated me like **** he claimed he loved me but was cheating on me and was emotionally and physically abusive which is why I left him. I didn't want to leave him I had to leave him. It was what was best for me. But other than the bad **** that happened him and I had so many good times. He truly made me happy with myself. At that time in my life when I was with him I was the most happiest with myself even if we were having a bad time I still was happy just being with him. Him and I connected on a emotional level tht I've never had with anyone else. Btw I was with him for 4years and we had gone through a lot a pregnancy tht I terminated, him being sent away for a year but we stood together, just so much happened that I can't let go and I can't let him go.

At least let go of your current boyfriend and give him a chance to find true love.

I met my ex when I was 16 and we were only together for 6 months or so. I met someone else and totally fell in love with him a few weeks after my ex and I split & we've been together ever since. My ex got in touch via Facebook last year and we have stayed in touch sporadically since and it's been do nice just to talk to him again. I thought I was ok with it but he recently emigrated with his family for work and I just feel so sad. Nothing could ever have happened between us and I wouldn't want it to but I've had to acknowledge that I do still have feelings for him after all this time and wonder if he feels the same - I mean why did he get back in touch with me? I'm glad I found this forum because although I wouldn't wish anyone to feel this way, I know I'm not alone. Thank you for sharing and love to you all x

Totally fell in love? Yet you still have feelings for another guy? That's love to you? You'll be cheating on your current bf in no time...

I haven't cheated on him in 16 years and we're getting married soon. My ex was my first love and our split left me with some unresolved issues and feelings that only resurfaced when he got back in touch. Being able to actually voice my feelings has helped me to deal with them and I don't appreciate being judged by someone who hasn't got a clue about me. I joined this forum because reading other people's posts lead me to believe that it was a place I could do that & perhaps help other people who are having similar difficulties. Maybe you should take your cynisism somewhere else...

"but I've had to acknowledge that I do still have feelings for him after all this time and wonder if he feels the same" not judging just trying to comprehend.. You see if my wife to be told me that she still has feelings for an ex she talks to on Facebook there wouldn't be a wedding. Although I'd appreciate her honesty. In this world we love in I would call it off at " I talk to an ex on Facebook" but hey that's just me, I have dignity. And just because you don't Like my opinion doesn't mean I have to go somewhere else... Why would you post if you didn't want a dissenting opinion?

Stop it. You're nasty. It's not a nice trait. You'll have a hard time in life doing this, even if you're doing it for the lolz. People grow up and they leave people like you behind.

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i have never considered posting on such a site in order to access help, now i just need some help/advice if you like. i am a 20 year old male at university and have fallen foul to the adage "you don't know what you've got till it's gone".
I met my first love in year 8 of secondary school, aged 13. We stayed together until the end of first year university when i was 18.
Sadly during secondary school i was a bit of hedonist, quite reckless in my decision but i knew i loved her. i wanted to play up to the "LAD" attitude in a way. We both cheated on each other, twice in fact but we stuck it out and stayed together because both times were drunken horrible mistakes during harder times in our relationship. We were young.

We were at universities that were only an hour from each other so the train journeys were okay and we saw each other atleast once or twice a week.

My first year at university was hectic, full of partying etc and i didn't allow enough time to skype/text in order to show my love. Both our pasts haunted us and neither of us felt particularly secure, her more so.

Fast forward a year, half way through second year and I'm a different person.Probably the person she wanted me to be all them years. I just didn't want to miss out on life experiences but i let the one thing that kept me sane go. i've quit smoking weed, enjoy nights in, don't feel obliged to go on every night out my male friends go on.. all the things that pushed her away a year ago.

Throughout our youth we did loads of things, holidays, trips away the lot. We had a relationship nobody understood. My childhood sweetheart if you like. I did some bad things i truly regret to this day. My drinking "don't give a **** attitude" and the fact i smoked weed clouded my mind and i didn't realise what i had. This girl was everything i hoped for, no lie. Appearance and personality.

I still look at her facebook, compare myself to her new boyfriend. Regret the fact it could quite easily have been me if i had put more effort in.

I have only seen her once at a night out in our hometown. i came home this christmas still hoping in a way to see her, to show her my change. To tell her that i was genuinely sorry for what i did wrong, the fact i probably destroyed a fair bit of her self esteem by pretending i didnt give as much of a **** as i did.

I have had 2 small relationships since which i could not sustain at all, in fact i have not had a sexual relationship not intoxicated since. i am still not over her a year and a month on. Thats not to say i havent "liked" other girls or even thought about going out with one of them. But whilst this has been in my mind i haven't let myself fall for a girl, i know i am not in the right place for a relationship again.

SHe is happy and i want her to know i am happy for her, but messaging her looks desperate and probably weird considering the last thing she ever said to me was "i just want you to be happy". We haven't texted since the break up, nor spoken other than once where we both just spoke about our family, how things were going etc. THis was inflicted upon us due to the fact we ended up at the same party before a night in town.

I know i completely screwed it. The sad fact is the regret hangs over me and won't leave me alone. Every day i still think of her. I hate myself for it. The old me has gone now, the old i dont give a **** guy so its impossible to confide in my new friends at university who don't understand.

i'm not sure i will ever be able to let myself go and actually think i'll ever get anything i love as much again. I am low on self esteem and i look at myself and feel disgust.

I'd like to add that the insecurities she felt led her to believe i had cheated on her at university, this was not true. It was messed up. We both sometimes played games about hanging with other girls/boys. Hands up , me more than her. but it was a two way thing. My effort plighted the relationship completely and she deserved better. i can't forgive myself.

I can relate to most of the things you are saying, I kinda went through a similar thing and is still hurting.. Unfortunately I don't have a timemachine or any good advice, but it made me a little bit happier to read your story and know I'm not alone out there.. So thanks for that anyway ^^

You're 20. Don't worry about it. Besides your tom the bomb! Mary Jane will be there for you way more than any other girl will.

I can relate to a lot of you, I was in my 20's when I left my ex. I just gave up because she wouldn't talk to me when I bought up topics that I need closure on. I've recently felt sad because I've started to miss her a lot now. she is married and while I have a girlfriend of 3 years now I just cant stop to regret leaving. I was young and dumb and should have tried to talk it out. After we broke up we spoke a little but then she moved out of state and I lost contact of her. she then married to someone who beat her. I found that out when I ran into her on Facebook in 2010. she was then divorced for about two years and just gotten married to her current husband. I was single in 2010 and we talked for a few days then I think she felt guilty talking to me and just stop and now I really just for some reason really miss her. She was my first girlfriend. I feel really dumb for not being about to get over her. I really do but god why wont it just stop. she don't even live in this state at all. I feel empty at heart. I remember every detail of that day down to the time. I wish I could talk to her. not spill my guts but really tell her I sorry and I was so wrong leaving and end it at that.

thank you all for reading.

I feel sorry for your current girlfriend wasting her precious time on someone that's pining over another girl. Set her free

This guy thinks life is black and white.

It's good to know that I am not the only one experiencing this. I feel relieved actually. I am 24 and I already have a new boyfriend and a wonderful daughter but I still can't get over my ex boyfriend after almost 2 years. I thought I already moved on but I still can't get him off my mind. We've been together for almost 3 years, he's in a band and he went to another country to pursue his career and to earn. I followed him hoping to get a job there so we can be together but turns out he already met someone else. I was in denial and blinded. I still believed him and trusted him. I went back home but I still tried to work on our long distance relationship but eventually lies and doubts took over. We didn't have a formal break up we just stopped communicating with each other and that was it. It's so hard to forget him especially when i hear the songs he used to sing to me and sometimes I even watch his videos because I miss him so bad. Until now I still have this hanging feeling, what ifs, buts, shoulda woulda couldas. My current boyfriend is wonderful but I feel like what I had and felt for my ex can never be replaced by anyone. I feel like he is my soulmate. I still hope and pray that one day we'll see each other again. :(

And if you do what'll happen to your current fool? Will you just discard him? Poor guy, try to be a human and tell him the truth and let him find true love not some self absorbed cretin that will end up hurting him.

So much heart ache here! I balled throughout reading everyone's posts! I thought I'd share my experience after reading everyone's posts. I realised recently that I can't keep fighting the memories and urges of love and telling myself to get over him! So I decided to try another tactic that it will be okay to let myself love my ex. It was 9 years of ups and downs I need to celebrate the fact that I was lucky enough to have had this time with the love of my life. I was diagnosed with a chronic illness ms and a few years into it I lost myself piece by piece and destroyed everything around me. We shared amazing life experiences that can't be repeated. I don't think there is this exclusive club but we all seem to be more sensitive souls and will take longer to heal than some. It's been 3 years since it ended. I can't believe he got married when I wanted that and he always said we didn't need a piece of paper! So whilst I work hard, keep busy, it's probably better not to fight the urge of love for him as that just makes it worse so Im going to keep allowing myself to love him in the moment of thinking of him and then drop it to get on with my day. It's truly amazing how many memories we made that come back in the strangest situations. I do make myself crazy sometimes though thinking unhealthy thoughts like being together when we are old and grey! And the time thing someone mentioned above is something I keep getting and roll my eyes at it now it's so frequent! I get strange signs all the time that don't actually mean anything but I clutch my chest like I'm about to die of broken heart and wish the pain away! He is married now so I couldn't contact him ever again. And all our friends deserted me so I suppose it's hard to rebuild. I guess a truly broken heart is always broken so I just need to learn how to keep loving with it. Let's hope I lose my memory completely! Maybe post traumatic stress but there's a name for everything. My family have also disowned me in their hearts. Got to pull a lucky card one day?! I think forgiving yourself is also a struggle and a necessity to move forward. Here's hoping to less tears and more laughs for all here!

Hope the best for you. I think you need you more than anyone else right now. Love yourself


You shouldn't feel pathetic, I'm almost 23 and I still have feelings for my first "serious" boyfriend who I was with aged 16 - 17. I'm currently in a 2 year relationship with someone that I really care about but something about my ex won't let me let go. It's been over 7 years now and we aren't even on good terms. I've only seen him a handful of times in the last 5 years and we're like strangers but my heart flutters and I'm always left wondering if... I feel like in the past we were just kids and we made so many mistakes and it's just a shame. In a way I just wish I could stop feeling like this.. thinking of him, occasionally dreaming of him, looking him up on Facebook and feeling gutted when I realise he's with someone new... comparing myself to her and so on. He's never coming back to me and I know this attention could be going on my boyfriend who is a lovely guy and deserves the best but I don't now, everyone seems to just tell me that you never fully get over your first love. It's a weird one. I just feel full of regret. Totally relate to your story, hopefully we'll all be able to get closure eventually!

So you're saying being with Someone else didn't help you get over your first love? Maybe you should tell your current bf how you feel and let him get a chance at true love.

Just guessing, but given all your responses, I can tell that you were that guy. You were the guy that was in a relationship with someone who was in love with someone else. See, now I would never do that to someone. I've been in love and completely single for 12 years pining over one man that I will never have. Guys have tried to date me time and time again, but my heart is shattered. Which is more pathetic? Trying to move on with another man or staying forever broken and single?