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Still Not Over My Ex-boyfriend After 10 Years

A few years after my ex-boyfriend and I broke up I met a woman in a cafe. She talked about her break up and I could relate, the pain she described was so real I asked her when did it happen. I was thinking months if not days by this woman's reaction. She said oh ten years. Then i thought to myself no not me No not me!

After one failed serious relationship and some flings.

It has been my 10 years and the pain, the anger, the hurt and yes the love is still fresh.

I saw his picture on facebook and I hurt so bad!

I no longer cry but I still get depressed over it.

What could have been... what should have been.

I see his wife, the woman he cheated with and wonder

HOW

WHY

I feel like a failure and think that love is just not for me.

I am worried, 10 years and I am still not over it.

The relationship lasted 6 years.... shouldn't't I BE OVER IT BY NOW.

Am i not pass the stage of looking him up on facebook, or praying a family member brings him up so i know how he has been.

Am I pass looking or talking to other guys wishing they were him.

I feel pathetic.

HELP...

anyone out there can tell me, how to get over this guy.

I love him sooooo much and I am was soooo hurt.

athenalolita athenalolita 26-30 207 Responses Apr 7, 2010

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I miss my poochie, my coconut icy lover, my yellow rose, my sunshine dreamer, my vanilla smelling princess, my soul mate :'(
I often dream of her. It leads me to spending days and weeks on end pondering the time we had together and the time that it ended.
Over 13 years on and I still believe I would do anything to have her in my arms again.
My soul is inanimate without her.

5 years out of the relationship and ypu guys give me no hope for the future. My heart breaks every day with the wiff of the scent he used to wear or spoken i love yous that just arnt as real as they were for him. My heart hurts and the tears fall as I write this thinking about him. They say its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved but boy does my heart say otherwise.... praying for all those who have loved and lost and are still losing.

I feel the same way. My ex cheated on me 16 years ago. I never got over him. I think what hurts me the most is that it blindsided me. It hurts me because I truly loved him. People say the most stupid things on these forums...they think therapy and hobbies
will somehow make things better...exercise and meet new friends...things will get better...what a joke. I have to go...looking for a basket weaving class to make the pain go away...not.

Five years and nine months ago, I was 15 and had a boyfriend who I had been with for 11 months. He loved me unconditionally and I didn't realise it then- but I loved him too. He was my best friend, my rock and was so respectful and loving towards me. I couldn't have asked for someone better but he didn't give me a 'spark'. We were young so of course he didn't! I know now that that would have grown over time. That we could have MADE that spark. I should have given him my virginity but instead, I gave it to some random stranger on a night of insanity. It was meant for him. Now, I often think of him and wonder what we could've been if I didn't break up with him. I remember he was SO angry that I would do this and he had days off school to 'recover'. I didn't know it but that would lead me to five years of solitude and loneliness. I am not overweight or ugly and I am often asked why I don't find a boyfriend and the fact is I am frightened.
He moved on a year or so later but the relationship didn't last. I am not sure she ever loved him or he, her.
Looking back on it now, I think I thought I could find someone better. I did a lot better than he did in school and now I am training to be a nurse whilst he is in HCA/CSW training- so not that different careers. I live in London whilst he still lives at home (40 miles apart). We text, occasionally. I haven't seen him in four years, since our leaving party at school. I remember a comment he made to my friend about how I looked beautiful. It pains me to remember what I did to him.
I tried to make a relationship with another guy, myself, a guy from home at a uni further away than home from London and it didn't work out. He was a complete arsehole and dumped me after having sex once with him, he was still in love with his ex. Funnily enough, I didn't think of my old boyfriend when I was with the new one but I CERTAINLY did when he broke up with me.
I have recently been imagining what I could do to start our friendship again and would it even work with being miles apart? I might try and text him more. This thread is full of people who haven't DONE anything about the fact they lost the love of their life. I am terrified that I have. Why else am I still f***ing single???

I know how you feel. Granted I'm only 5 years out of my relationship, but I want to free my caged heart. I was only with him for a little over a year (from 19-20) and I haven't been able to stop thinking of him. When he broke up with me, he got into a relationship 2 weeks later. After they broke up, he texted me and asked how I was doing. He gets into another relationship and after they break up, we go on a date. He gets into another relationship and I recently heard he's engaged. That opened so many healed wounds. I congratulated him on Facebook and he said thanks and that he's really happy. It sucks when he kept contacting me, and preventing me from healing. He's liked me since 2007, we dated from 2009-2010. He still kept contacting me, yet never got with me. The only thing I regret is not standing up to myself and laying everything on the table. Just asking him if this is going to go anywhere, because if it's not, I need to heal and move on. I know I'm too late now to get any answers. I am currently in a great relationship with a guy (almost 2 years), but I feel bad I can't give 100% to him because of my ex.

Well the woman I'm still in love she is amazing, she have a great job, great family, she is beautiful, she is a woman never give up, the nice thing was help me out of my selfs team, she help me out to keep going in my job, she help me to support my mom when I was unemployed, she was thought me to improve my English, we had a lot of plans together and dreams but after 1 years she break up with me her last words was 'leave me alone' I can't forget about her she don't want talk to me, she already move on she has a new bf and she seems happy with him but he doesn't love her I can notice in his attitude to her in Facebook comment and pictures.
About me every time I wanna like meet someone I don't have mood is not born in myself to do so, so I prefer keep the friendship and continue my single life. I really can't over her my ex.
I really love her so much until today, after the break up I'm still buy to her every year a post card of her birthday and Xmas and I keep it if one day she will talk to me I will gave her all the post cards I have.
Will be nice if we talk again and we back like use to be.
Dream is not cost you nothing right?

Thanks for listen my thoughts!

This is something I have experienced for 19 years. My first boyfriend married the girl he dated after my parents forbid me to date him. He has children with this woman. I eventually got married to a really nice man I have no children. But never got over him. I cry every day of my life. It is ther worst pain imaginable and it never goes away. I am an educated professional woman with friends and hobbies. I see a pysch for this for counseling and anxiety and depression medication. I wish I was brave enough to stand up to my parents when I was 19. I live with regret and the deepest sadness.

I understand exactly how you're feeling. I'm married, have 2 beautiful boys and still think about my ex everyday.we broke up 14 years ago. I Look at his FB and his wife's facebook. The Pain is incredible. Wish I could meet him one last time for closure. I'm trying to remember the negatives in our relationship and trying my very best to turn that love into hate.
Good luck to you

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It's because you don't like that guy at all and your mind is playing tricks on you, you're not hurt you just feel like it because you actually have feelings for the new guy, and you worry and care about him so you're body hurts I'm love and you're worried you'll lose him.

Even though this is an old post, I feel your pain like you won't believe. I have been broken up for 8 years and I still love my ex more than anything. It has controlled my life and no matter what I try to do I can't feel the same about another girl. She was and still is amazing. It saddens me so much to think about how I could be alone forever and never feel the same way again. Ever. I get depressed at times when I think about it or see her on Facebook etc. I must sound pathetic but it's just a love I have never been able to get over...

I've just googled this topic in desperation after looking up my ex on Facebook (again), crying and wondering what is WRONG with me. How can I still feel such intense sadness and pain 8 years after we broke up? He has a new life with another woman - part of me is really glad he's happy because he's a good person and deserves it... but it still hurts soo much and I still miss him so very deeply. He was my first love, my soulmate and best friend. When he decided to leave, it was totally unexpected and the most gut-wrenching, heart-breaking shock I've ever had in my life. The trauma of the break up has remained with me to some extent over the years. I just knew I'd never be the same again after he left. He did tell me at the time he'd always love me and I guess I've clung to that and have hoped deep down we'd reunite one day when the time was right. However, he does seem to have completely moved on and doesn't even want to be friends.I have tried really, really hard to heal myself and get over him - counselling, CBT, writing out feelings, trying to convince myself he wasn't that special, filling my life with friends/hobbies etc. but none of it has truly worked long-term. I've just left a two year relationship, which I hoped would help me finally move on from my ex (everyone says when you meet someone new you stop thinking about your ex... never happened for me). I just never felt anywhere near as in love/passionate about my recent boyfriend as I did about my ex. It actually felt worse being in this mediocre relationship than being alone... it made me miss what I had with my ex even more. I also felt really guilty that I was still thinking about my ex when I was with someone else.I have reached a point where it's hard to even imagine meeting someone I will feel so strongly about ever again. Some days are ok and I feel more positive; others are really hard, especially when there are specific reminders or I have a vivid dream about him. I wake up from these dreams with an overwhelming sadness weighing me down. It's amazing how fresh the grief can still feel sometimes, despite the fact it's been 8 years. Time definitely doesn't heal all things. I've kind of accepted that I may always feel this grief and it's something I just have to live with, unfortunately.Maybe I'm delusional (some of my friends think I am) or maybe he really is the love of my life and I won't find that again. It's so hard and my heart goes out to everyone else here who is struggling with this issue.

Hello. I can relate to you.Your story is very, very similar to mine. It has been 8 years. He has been happily (or it may seem) with someone. I am currently engaged. Still, I feel the love, the hurt,... He doesnt want to be friends. I have tried to be friends but he seems not interested. I frequently have vivid dreams in which I look for him, try to get him back but he always turn me down. He was my first love, I has so much pasion and love for him. I havent been able to feel the same for anyone, not even my fiance. I do love my fiance, but is not the same. I sometimes I get depressed. I do feel the guilt as you describe for thinking about him. Some days I just wish I could go to the past and fix things but I cant. Tried may ways for forget him but I have come to realize that I may feel this way forever.

Today was one of those bad days. My fiance caught me crying and I told him that I missed my ex or at least my past. Something I have been trying to overcome. He was shocked but hugged me.

Thanks for sharing your story - it does sound very similar to mine. I suppose it's nice to know we're not alone in how we feel but it is so, so difficult... especially when you're in another relationship where you care about the person but you just don't feel the same way. I know how confusing and depressing it can be.

hi- your story is very similar to me. in my case its been 15 years. I will wake from dreams with heavy sadness weighing on me. She was my first love.

Hi. I know this is probably a response from a while ago. How do you feel about this now? I also googled this... and also thought I was crazy. Lol and your response stuck out to me. It's been 2 years for me. I've moved very far far far from my hometown. I have a completely new life since I've been with this guy. I don't even think he thinks about me or even cared about me as much as I him. I have no idea. He told me the same thing too. Maybe it's because he doesn't have social media.... I have no idea who he is now or what he is doing.. I think about it, our break up everything. I try to find him online... I talk about him to people who live back there and try to hear SOMETHING about him. I look for it. I dream about him. Honestly.... at least once a week. I am in a current relationship that is everything I wanted and it still feels like something is missing. I love this person I am with but feel as if he is more of my deep, loving, friend. I think that maybe I feel this way because I still feel this want, this knowing, this home that I had with my ex. I don't know if it's the idea of this person.. or really him I miss. All I know was that when we were together we could do nothing NOTHING.. and I was happy. And to be quiet honest we were so comfortable and so in love with just each others presence that it was exactly what we did..nothing and did not mind. Lol, We became an unproductive couple... We did not fight a lot either... we broke up really because he used a lot and kind of just broke up with me because he wanted to do these drugs.......but I also left the relationship feeling as if he used my soul. He never gave a reason to our break up. It really was out of the blue...... which hurt even more and left my neurotic for months losing weight and heavy drinking to cover up my anxiety. I was emotionally dependent without realizing it. Now I am not emotionally dependent on anyone. In fact, I forget what that is like. In a way that was all the good that came out of this break up... but this dependence wasn't even there before him either...which breaks even. So like I said, I felt very used after the year we were together... a very gut wrenching feeling that the death of my father didn't even come close to. (I KNOW IT SOUNDS HORRIBLE, but it is very true). And there were different circumstances. It was so great until he wanted to break up and all I received in the mail a year later was an amends (emends?) note that was obviously an assignment from AA to make amends. It was generic and just openly admitted things that he had done to me that he could not admit, even months after post break-up. He admitted to cheating too. So I feel like a loser who fell so deeply for a user abuser... but it wasn't until he broke up with me had I realized it. During the relationship it felt SO REAL though. I was head over heals... and he really was not selfish towards me. He really put my first. Was so in love with me too. I felt so special to be loved by someone like him. Do you think this is just the idea of him I am in love with or just plain old him? I feel like he would have gotten in contact with me by now. What do you think?

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I honestly feel your pain. I'm in this current situation now, it hasn't been 10 years but it has been four since we broke up and I still think about him. every. single. day. The feeling is still there and I dare say I haven't felt exactly the same about anyone else since. I feel like such an awful person as I have a current boyfriend which is long term and I do love him, he is everything I ever wanted in a partner and what I set out to look for when I broke up with my ex.

But the same intensity isn't there. It doesn't help that I think my ex feels the same way also, he still rings me, he still reminisces about times we had sometimes although he hasn't for a while. He is also in a long term relationship. I know I could never go back there because whilst the feelings and the passion of the relationship were so intense, it was also toxic and I knew it would destroy me if I didn't get out.

I googled this subject because I thought I was crazy, I don't want to feel this way, I don't choose to feel this way. And the prospect of feeling like this for years and years about someone who I am unable to have a relationship with frightens the life out of me. I just want to know if it will ever go away? When I am old will I look back and wish I'd spent my life with him?

The situation is made worse that we have a lot of mutual friends. I recently had to face him and his current partner, although I had mine with me also, and I really got on with his girlfriend, but I want to avoid becoming friends with her. I want to be able to look at him and feel absolutely nothing.

I just have no idea how to finally shut that door and keep it closed, I feel like I'm drowning and I have to pretend everything is ok. I don't want to end up hurting my current partner, he is amazing. Although the situation isn't good, it is nice to know that I am not the only person with this problem. If anyone gets past this, tell me how!?

The breakup was so traumatic. He was so angry, but I had to get away. After when I was ready to talk, he wanted nothing to do with me. And that's when I started feeling stuck, it felt weird to feel relief at the relationship being over and feeling deep sadness that there was no closure.
I started to get over him, then I ran into someone who told me he met someone - it had only been two months. Then the sadness would come back just like it was brand new. After a while, I started feeling better. Then I ran into someone who told me he was engaged - it had only been six months. Then the sadness came back more strongly and with more intensity and I started obsessing. It was awful because I didn't want him back, but it's as if my feelings got stuck in a compartment in my heart separate from the rest of my body, separate from common sense. Then they told me he was married, they bought a house, he joined her faith.... all these things he never did for me, for us - it hadn't been a year. And something broke inside and I've never seemed to be able to get over it completely since.
It sucks. I have good days, then I have days like today. I worked as long as I could, because there was a scent in the air today that grabbed something inside my memory, I can't even tell what it is, just that I started feeling despair and sadness. And I'm different now too. It's funny, I really like the person I am becoming, just wish that stuck part didn't exist. It's blocking love from my life. And it exists all the time.

I read about limerence. Don't know if it fits this exactly, because I don't want him back, I just want him out of my cell memory. Out of my heart.

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I know I still love my ex, even though it's been over 10 years since we broke up. I feel completely devastated and depressed whenever I find out he's dating someone new even though I've been with my significant other for almost 10 years now. I know I hurt him badly when I left him without much warning. He was my first love, we were together 4 years in our early 20s. I just had issues! I felt that I was too young and uncertain, I hadn't been with anyone else. He started moving toward marriage and I was afraid. I also wasn't ready to be a stepmom as he had 2 kids already. I've just never felt anything really romantic toward my current partner, although we are very close friends. My relationship with my ex was very intense, we had this deep understanding of each other. I felt something when we were intimate, I've never felt that with my current SO or anyone else. I don't even like to kiss my bf, for some reason I hold that as more of an intimate act than actual sex.
But now that I've stated all of this, there are times when I just feel like I can't come clean with my ex and tell him how I feel. I want him to move on and be happy, I don't want to pull him back down and possibly break his heart again. I mean it HAS been 10 years, we are prob both very different people now. He DID break my heart as well while we were together but we moved past it, we didn't break up from that. And not to justify anything, but like I said we were both fairly young and mistakes were made. I don't know if I'm just misinterpreting all of what I'm feeling since I've never been in love before or after him. I know he still loves me, I know we are soulmates if that exists, but I don't want to ruin his new relationship either. I cannot hurt him again. Maybe sometimes soulmates aren't meant to be together... All I know is right now I feel like I can barely function or breathe. I'm not sure what to do.

I just saw this. I don't know if you feel the same way still. For me it has been so hard. It has been 8 years since my ex and me were together. We went through so much pain and so much love. I since have remarried and love my husband but I hurt. I see my ex's Facebook now and he is in a relationship and get mad!!! I want to contact him but I respect my vows. It hurts. I have a beautiful daughter with my husband but I have never really felt that spark that I did with my ex. I often find myself going through these stages of feeling sad. On certain kind of days I close my eyes and it's like.... I wish he was there. I don't know if it will ever get better... We were together for 5 close to 6 years. What is wrong with me? I am married. He is a good guy, a guy that many women would want. Why do I keep looking at my ex's Facebook seeing what he is up too? How do I let this go? When does the hurt stop? Someone out there please respond.... Should I find a way to contact him.... I'm begining to think cousenling will help. But I am a counselor...

I was dating my ex for 5 years... I never thought it would be a major relationship In my life as he was older than me and I was not really sexually attracted to him but over the year he became my lover, my friend and someone i just loved being with in fact it was the first time in my life I was truly in love. He had some commitment issue which suited me at the start and after being together for 5 years he one day out of the blue expressed how much he loved me. I always knew he did but because of the line of work he was in I also knew he had a hard time expressing himself verbally and his commitment issues also had a connection with that. The day he told me he loved me should have been a mile stone in our relationship because this man who kept his emotions locked inside him had finally opened up but with it was not as he also told me in a round about way, that he could never more forward in our relationship because of his own issues. that broke my heart then and there and i knew i was never going to get anything more from the relationship than what it was, so I walked away. it is now 5 years later and this man still holds the key to my heart which I hate so much. i keep reminding myself, it is better to have loved than to not have loved at all but I do miss him and think i could have handled the whole thing better instead of just walking away. c'est la vie- what will be will be

This is so me...it has been 4 years since I last saw a man who technically was not my ex as we were never in a confirmed relationship..but we pretty much were. I met him when I was at present already in a relationship with my now husband. From the minute I laid eyes on him I couldn't stop thinking about him. He made it pretty obvious he fancied me and used to tell my boyfriend that he was a lucky man to have me. We used to flirt etc but I never done anything about it as I did love my boyfriend...untill one time in 2009 after I got back from a holiday with my boyfriend the connection was so strong we could no longer keep our hands off each other...we started seeing each other after things went wrong with my boyfrirnd. I was in heaven with this guy I adored him...however after a couple of months a lie had been made that I was still with my ex...we fell out and he stopped talking to me. After a couple of months he came back to me but he soon told me he was moving to go to uni and started seeing this girl. He still wanted me in his life but I blocked him and never wanted to speak to him again. I tried to block him out and move on.me and my ex boyfriend made up we had a child got married and had another child..I never stopped thinking of my ex praying one day my husband would make me feel the love that I got from this guy. The other day I went to my local supermarket and saw him working behind the counter!! Omg I was not expecting to see him there because he had moved to uni so I was shocked to see him.back working in my town. Its been 3 years since I have spoken to him, I have not stopped thinking about him I know that I will love him forever. I have tried to move on even got married and whilst I do love and care for my husband it's just not as strong as the love I have for this guy xx

THE GREAT SPELL CASTER THAT HELP ME....

my name is Robin Shelly. Seriously i flattened when my Husband of 8 years left to be with another woman in Texas. I cried and sobbed every day, until it got so bad that I couldn't bear it anymore. and i reached out to the Internet for help, until i hit on the real thing, and that is you Dr.Alubart. I almost gave up trying to get my Ex Husband back and having a contented family again.. I had tried the whole lot I knew, and with your spells, blessings and extraordinary magical powers, you did all the work, and immediately after 24 hours, my Ex Husband came back to me and he was penitent for everything that he has done. And now my life is balanced and i am happy again. Dr.Alubart you do a great service to people, and I don't think many people had known about you. You are the diamond in the rough. Thank you Dr.Alubart You are talented and you give off yourself so freely like you did to me. Thank you for weaving your magical love spells for me and Sergio. He is back to me just the way it was when we first met.. from the depths of my soul! I am immensely happy now. Thank you and God bless you so much sir. now my man is back to me just in 24 hours, as you have said it..wow.. i am fully rewarded. Thank you so much sir, Lots of appreciations.. Here is Dr.Alubart Website: website: http://ogojidogospirituallovespell.web... and his Email: ogojidogospirituallovespell@gmail.com Robin Shelly frm New York. his web sitehttp://ogojidogospirituallovespell.web...........

THE GREAT SPELL CASTER THAT HELP ME....

my name is Robin Shelly. Seriously i flattened when my Husband of 8 years left to be with another woman in Texas. I cried and sobbed every day, until it got so bad that I couldn't bear it anymore. and i reached out to the Internet for help, until i hit on the real thing, and that is you Dr.Alubart. I almost gave up trying to get my Ex Husband back and having a contented family again.. I had tried the whole lot I knew, and with your spells, blessings and extraordinary magical powers, you did all the work, and immediately after 24 hours, my Ex Husband came back to me and he was penitent for everything that he has done. And now my life is balanced and i am happy again. Dr.Alubart you do a great service to people, and I don't think many people had known about you. You are the diamond in the rough. Thank you Dr.Alubart You are talented and you give off yourself so freely like you did to me. Thank you for weaving your magical love spells for me and Sergio. He is back to me just the way it was when we first met.. from the depths of my soul! I am immensely happy now. Thank you and God bless you so much sir. now my man is back to me just in 24 hours, as you have said it..wow.. i am fully rewarded. Thank you so much sir, Lots of appreciations.. Here is Dr.Alubart Website: website: http://ogojidogospirituallovespell.web... and his Email: ogojidogospirituallovespell@gmail.com Robin Shelly frm New York. his web sitehttp://ogojidogospirituallovespell.web...........

goodness me after gg through this insane emotions alone for 6 years i decided to google it up and see so many similar stories. i havent known one person who lingers around post-breakup as long as me and it feels so good to know its normal and i have company. they always say it gets better in time, well i PRETEND to them like it does. no one knows that up till now it drives me crazy that i have burst of urges to text him up and stuff. how long will this go on for? I dont wanna miss out on my own happy ending just cause i was busy following up on his life

another qn i have is if ill be able to completely get over this after im married. i would not like to still think or miss him after having a husband and kids. but the stories shared here shows otherwise. sigh it'll feel like an inescapable prison if so

wish i had an answer

Look up the term "limerance."<br />
<br />
This is what people like you and me are dealing with. I suppose it's not as insane as it seems, since so many people seem to share this experience. It's been 10 years for me, too <3

I often feel like a loser because its been 8 years and my ex still controls me and he dont even know it. Im 22 and I met him when I was about 14.. we fell in love with each other almost instantly. .we had one of those break up to make up relationships. We broke up like 10 times in 4 years.. we stopped talking completely in 2011 but my heart still beats for him.. he was my first love and I believe he spoiled me..he always smelled good and dressed nice.. never had bad breath. Teeth is pearly white..he doesn't smoke or drink and takes care of his body.. he has a great smile he isfunny smart and romantic.. he adores his mother and has the greatest respect for his step father... I have had like 2 serious relationships after him but non that compared to his love and comfortability.. at this moment we are both single but im afraid of putting myself out there.. I dont ununderstand how you can have such deep and passionate feelings about someone and not be with them.. im afraid he will eventually get married maybe have children and im still jumping from one relationship to another all because they cant fill his shoes.. sometimes I just wish I knew how he really felt about me and that way I can execute my future accurately.. I dont wanna be the girl who settle either all because my greatest love was when I was damn near a child !! HELP!!

oh my god. i relate best to your story! so frigging similar. I feel you :( god being in this place sucks. HEEEEEELP

I got involved really young too - I think when you get together with someone so deeply during your developmental stages it really makes things harder.

It's hard to forget your ex. Mine is more than ten years, and when we first communicated and met after ten years, the spark came back. So I guess during those years, I really did not forget him, but I was just denying. The emotional freedom technique helped me to somehow ease the pain. Google emotional freedom technique.

10 years and I still talk to my ex- girlfriend, I fell hard for her, and it still hurts all the time. we hooked up a few times, but I never had sex with her after we broke up, wanted to, just couldn't do it for some reason.. I still want her back, and she knows it too, she just isn''t into it right now I guess... or maybe she likes the attention... either way, I'm still fighting... now that's pathetic...

12 years ago I broke up with an Ex for the second time. We were 16 (1998) when we first started dating (even lost my virginity to him). 5 months later we broke up then two years (2000) later we found each other again through a mutal friend and started dating again. Well after a few months things weren't going well for me where I lived he was born and raised there, everthing and everyone he knew and loved was there. I couldn't ask him to leave it all. So I broke up with him. I never told him why.

I moved west in 2001 got married and had three kids. I was married for 9 years but I wasn't happy. I thought about my ex A LOT over the years even tried looking him up on Facebook and Myspace. Never thought he would be trying to do the same after what I did to him (twice)

Well Feb of 2013 I got a friend request on Facebook. HE FOUND ME!!! I couldn't believe it. Come to find out all these years I was spelling his last name wrong. I was off by one letter. I was still out west and he was still east. We skyped everynight. But to make a long story short... I am back in the east with my children living with him and him and I promised to never let each other go again. So the saying is true. Love is like a butterfly, you let it go if it comes back to you it's ment to be... But don't let it consume your life.. Gaia has a plan for all of us we just have to listen to her.

You are not pathetic, so please dont even let that cross your mind. My story is extremely personal, but I really need to vent. I have never commented or shared anything this personal online before. I guess it may be because ive always believed that i have a really great support system at home. I have a very understanding mother who has ALWAYS been there for me. She tries to help me with any problems that im dealing with. My sisters are also great listeners. But lately I've come to realize that they dont seem to understand me at all. Anyway its very nice of all of you to share your stories on such a personal topic. <br />
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This is my story: Im 24 years old and I was dating my brother in laws best friend who is 31years old. <br />
We first met at my sisters wedding. For me it was love at first sight. We talked, danced, and had a good time. A few weeks later I contacted him on Fb. Long story short we started dating. It was a long distance relationship which was great for me BC I was dealing with a BIG problem, my eating disorder. Ive had an eating disorder for 8 years. But I never hid that from him. From the very beginning I told him about it. I have always been an open book about my e.d. Of coarse I was scared and embarrassed to tell him everything but I knew that it was the right thing to do. After a year things slowly started to go downhill. Eating disorders are very complicated. It started causing a lot of stress in our relationship. I was unhappy because it was still a part of me and he was unhappy because of my mood swings, health issues, depression etc. I was basically a human roller coaster. It got to the point that I would start fights with him over every single thing. It was not what I wanted. I do love him very much. I hate who I was with my E.D. Not only did it affect me physically, but emotionally as well. I took so many things out on the one person who truly meant a lot to me. Eventually we broke up, then got back together, broke up, and so on. After that i decided to go to treatment because I really wanted things to work out. I was in treatment for a while but then I started to miss him so much. I just wanted to get better on my own. So I went back and spent more time with him in SC. Until it started all over again. I understand that it was really stressful, complicated, and unfair to him. I regret so many things and I wish I could change it all but I can't. We broke up for good a year ago. We didn't talk for several months then we started talking again in July. He came down to spend the 4th of July with his family at the beach. Coincidentally, I was down there doing the exact same thing. So we agreed on meeting up for lunch. We had lunch and things went well. It was short, but I really felt like I was getting closure somehow. Except shortly after that I started to miss him again. Everything just seemed so unfair. I keep beating myself up about how my stupid E.D. got in the way of so many things in my life. I can only imagine how I started to sound like a broken record BC I kept promising that I would get over it time after time. It just never happened. So recently I told him that I am going to treatment for the full three months and that I'm not leaving until I recover. I went to treatment and we talked everyday emailing, texting, phoning, etc. I made the huge mistake of having expectations.. I expected him to visit me while I was in treatment. I expected him to want to be there for me on family day. I expected him to show me that he really did want to fix things. But that was wrong of me because I needed to get better. I was focusing more on our relationship than on my recovery. He grew tired of it. He stopped calling, texting, emailing me all together. I'm so unbelievably torn about it. I never wanted to hurt him. But that's all that I seemed to do. I wish that I could somehow talk to him face to face to explain so many things. But at this point I know that he doesn't want to hear it. I wouldn't want to hear it.. so I can understand. I just hope that once I am fully recovered I can have a chance to talk to him or show him how im not the same person. I'm not my eating disorder anymore. I hope he hasn't let my eating disorder define me.

Bpd.

Thank you so much for sharing this. My story is almost the same.. I only got over my ed when we were finally broken up. I saw that it ruined my relationship and I wanted to fix it before it was too late. Unfortunately he was already done. He had gone to someone else. The fighting and mood swings were too much for him. I never told him what the problem was. I wish I could tell him now, but he wouldn't understand and probably just tell his new gf. I'm embarrassed I let it ruin my life and now it's ruined my relationship. It's been five months and I'm not over it. You understand what it's like to have an ed, it's part of you.. so in a way I've lsot two things now.. that, and my relationship. All I can do now it hope I can find someone else, and be this new person with him.

my ex had an eating disorder and funny i think i picked it up from him. after he left i gained 80lbs its been a battle for me since. maybe i was predisposed to having one idk

Reading this has opened my eyes slightly but I don't know what to do , I'm 21 years old and four years ago when I was in college I met this amazing girl actually through a guy in my class who liked her but she chose me instead, anyway we talked for hours every day staying up until 6am talking online we eventually ended up going out, we never had a single argument or fight the entire time we were together..... But almost a year into it and my family decided they were moving back nearer to where most my family lives 300miles away so I broke up with her because I didn't think it would be fair to force the whole distance thing to work..... So I moved away and we never spoke for 2 years imediately after breaking up with her I slumped into a whirlwind of depression but decided to get back in touch a year ago it's been for years now and we speak sporadically when we have time between her being at university and me working but just as I thought we'd be ok as friends she started bringing up in conversation the things we did and I thought ok no harm in reminiscing the good times but she also has said on several occasions that I'm the best boyfriend she's ever had and that she sometimes wishes that we never broke up, that's what started me thinking and all the feelings came rushing back from nowhere and now It's dawned on me I never stopped loving her I just forced myself to forget it but I just can't anymore, just last week we were on Skype til 3am talking just like we did before I guess I'm just confused I have the opertunity to move back there and probably will I just don't know if she feels the same or not or if it's just me clinging on to an unrealistic prospect of is getting back together

I hope somebody can make sense of this sorry

Any advice would be greatly appreciated :)

She still cares about you she is just afraid to 1) say it 2) live it 3) lose it again. Keep up the way you are if she keeps saying the same thing "You are the best boyfriend I ever had" and "I wish we never broke up". Say to her why did we break up? Get the ball rolling sooner or later if it is meant to be you two will be telling eachother how you truly feel about each other.

Thanks a lot now I just gotta muster up the courage to say something, and when you say ask her why we broke up it was me that ended it because I was moving 300 miles away and didn't want to force the distance thing on her because at that time I felt it would be to much of a commitment for her don't know why I thought that, if you could offer any advice on what to say because I know if I tried to go down the route of telling her id spill my guts out so any advice on that would be awesome, thank you so much for your comment it has made me understand why she says these things :)

I dont know if you read my post I did the same thing about 12 years ago. I broke up with my boyfriend now before I moved 1200 miles away. He found me a year ago after us not talking for 12 years and now I am back east with him and couldn't be happier...

Adk her how she feels. If she feels the same go back to her. It's simple, either be depressed or be happy...

Thanks just gotta muster up the courage to say something I guess I care that much I don't want to hurt or distress her in any way but thank you :)

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Reading all of these posts makes me feel validated in my feelings, which I haven't been able to let go for two years now. I am currently married to my high school sweetheart for four years. About year two, we separated because we just didn't feel in love anymore. We were in our mid twenties and both agreed we didn't want to live a passionate-less existence. While we were separated, I met a man a few years younger than me that recently moved to the area from across the state. We fell instantly IN LOVE. Just the way we looked into each other's eyes was fireworks. The attraction, the meshing of personalities, it felt truly meant to be. You could cut the passionate tension between us with a knife. We met in traffic at a red light, so even the way we met seemed fateful. He had never dated anyone before me (should have been a red flag, I know), he is a bit younger, had made some bad decisions so was still finishing college, in a transient part of his life, and was still a virgin. He was a bit intimidated by me being older, educated, owning my house, having just general life experiences, esp. sexual ones (he was pretty self conscious-took him 4 dates to kiss me), etc. But it almost made it seem like he idolized me, which was like a drug high for me, and just felt so romantic and passionate. I never had someone feel that way about me. Until I told him I was still married and separated from my husband. I was ready to risk it all, get a divorce for him, but he felt completely uncomfortable with the sitution. He didn't want the demise of a marriage riding on his shoulders. He also felt afraid he would allow himself to fall in love and that I would choose my husband in the end, leaving him heartbroken. He slowly just faded away, no word, no breakup. It seemed so easy for him to forget me and go no contact. I couldn't believe how easy he got over me. I was DEVASTATED. Well, a few months later and then every couple months he would contact me and tell me he can't stay away or resist, he had to see me, he was such a sucker for me, I was just the most amazing woman he ever met. It was still these passionate, yearning communications. We would meet up and have these electric dates. At least I knew at that point, even when he pretended to not care, he still did. Yet he always would disappear on me when he got scared/it would get too serious. We never did get sexually intimate because he is so afraid of his inexperience and what I will think of it. So I know he wasn't contacting me just for sex. It finally ended about a year ago when he told me he is moving back home for work (against his will) and he really doesn't see anyway it could work romantically because of long distance. He had another year in this area and asked if we could be friends over that time period. I told him absolutely not and that I needed no contact with him for my heart to mend. It wasn't fair to him, me, or my separated husband. I also knew there was no way for us to be friends. It was his way of safely getting to spend time with me while guarding his heart. Pretty much completely self serving. I didn't understand why he couldn't just take a risk and admit he really felt the same way I did! He respected my wishes and we've had minimal contact (he still tries to send flirty texts every once in awhile) but mostly he likes to act as if he just doesn't have feelings for me, but I know differently. I know in my gut & soul differently... He is AFRAID, inexperienced, and avoidant to any risk whatsoever. Now, the second year has passed and he moves away next month. I am reconciled with my husband, and things are much better in our marriage, but I can't help but feel I am going through the motions. I just cannot get over the other and it makes my marriage seem even duller in comparison than it originally did to the passion of "Mr. went on a few dates". How can 10 dates with someone even be compared to a 10 year relationship? But the 10 dates top it any day. Our dates were special outings and he has told my friends he has never had life experiences like he did with me and that it was the best summer of his life, I gave him the best memories, etc. I think I am feeling especially this way because I know he is leaving and I am curious if he will contact me to see me before he does. I hope he does, more for satisfaction that he still has feelings for me. But what good will it do? It's this hope that keeps me holding on to him. All of his friends and my friends have told me his plan is to get his life together so he can come back and be "good enough for me". But I think he is good enough now. Why can't he see that? Having a relationship end in the throes of passion is horrific, especially when it's outside your control. How can you get over someone when you know in your heart they still love you, too? Even if they will do everything in their power to sabotage the relationship because they have their own personal issues? It is so frustrating and gut wrenching. I just want to forget him and the idealized feeling I associate with him. Or maybe I am crazy? Most men would say, "He is a guy. He's not that deep. He's just not into you." Wish someone could shed some light.

You are right. You are crazy. No sex? Throes 0f passion? Lol. He's Self serving? You're with a man you don't like? For 10 years? Still thinking of another dude? Who sounds gay? I agree you're delusional.

Total troll. You horrible person.

It has been 8 years since I have seen him on my birthday he flew in I can remember like it was yesterday him getting off the plane wrapped in balloons that tall smiling guy from ear to ear my memories are haunting the more I try not to think about him the more the thoughts of what if.... What if he called what if he found me online ... on and on but I am married with two children its awful the thoughts that come to mind torturing in fact I purposely do not have a Facebook because of it and thw watch it's I'm glad I can vent here I dare not tell anyone I know it could ruin so much it was so dreamy the way we met on the ski slopes but it was ended after me acting my immature age of 16 and our parents forbidding us to talk or see each other again after finding out that we were sexually active

This definitely hit home with me. I am 21 years old I have a boyfriend and a daughter and I am truly happy with my little family. Except for the fact that my ex is always on my mind. I mean like he was my first true love he was my everything but he treated me like **** he claimed he loved me but was cheating on me and was emotionally and physically abusive which is why I left him. I didn't want to leave him I had to leave him. It was what was best for me. But other than the bad **** that happened him and I had so many good times. He truly made me happy with myself. At that time in my life when I was with him I was the most happiest with myself even if we were having a bad time I still was happy just being with him. Him and I connected on a emotional level tht I've never had with anyone else. Btw I was with him for 4years and we had gone through a lot a pregnancy tht I terminated, him being sent away for a year but we stood together, just so much happened that I can't let go and I can't let him go.

At least let go of your current boyfriend and give him a chance to find true love.

I met my ex when I was 16 and we were only together for 6 months or so. I met someone else and totally fell in love with him a few weeks after my ex and I split & we've been together ever since. My ex got in touch via Facebook last year and we have stayed in touch sporadically since and it's been do nice just to talk to him again. I thought I was ok with it but he recently emigrated with his family for work and I just feel so sad. Nothing could ever have happened between us and I wouldn't want it to but I've had to acknowledge that I do still have feelings for him after all this time and wonder if he feels the same - I mean why did he get back in touch with me? I'm glad I found this forum because although I wouldn't wish anyone to feel this way, I know I'm not alone. Thank you for sharing and love to you all x

Totally fell in love? Yet you still have feelings for another guy? That's love to you? You'll be cheating on your current bf in no time...

I haven't cheated on him in 16 years and we're getting married soon. My ex was my first love and our split left me with some unresolved issues and feelings that only resurfaced when he got back in touch. Being able to actually voice my feelings has helped me to deal with them and I don't appreciate being judged by someone who hasn't got a clue about me. I joined this forum because reading other people's posts lead me to believe that it was a place I could do that & perhaps help other people who are having similar difficulties. Maybe you should take your cynisism somewhere else...

"but I've had to acknowledge that I do still have feelings for him after all this time and wonder if he feels the same" not judging just trying to comprehend.. You see if my wife to be told me that she still has feelings for an ex she talks to on Facebook there wouldn't be a wedding. Although I'd appreciate her honesty. In this world we love in I would call it off at " I talk to an ex on Facebook" but hey that's just me, I have dignity. And just because you don't Like my opinion doesn't mean I have to go somewhere else... Why would you post if you didn't want a dissenting opinion?

Stop it. You're nasty. It's not a nice trait. You'll have a hard time in life doing this, even if you're doing it for the lolz. People grow up and they leave people like you behind.

1 More Response

i have never considered posting on such a site in order to access help, now i just need some help/advice if you like. i am a 20 year old male at university and have fallen foul to the adage "you don't know what you've got till it's gone".
I met my first love in year 8 of secondary school, aged 13. We stayed together until the end of first year university when i was 18.
Sadly during secondary school i was a bit of hedonist, quite reckless in my decision but i knew i loved her. i wanted to play up to the "LAD" attitude in a way. We both cheated on each other, twice in fact but we stuck it out and stayed together because both times were drunken horrible mistakes during harder times in our relationship. We were young.

We were at universities that were only an hour from each other so the train journeys were okay and we saw each other atleast once or twice a week.

My first year at university was hectic, full of partying etc and i didn't allow enough time to skype/text in order to show my love. Both our pasts haunted us and neither of us felt particularly secure, her more so.

Fast forward a year, half way through second year and I'm a different person.Probably the person she wanted me to be all them years. I just didn't want to miss out on life experiences but i let the one thing that kept me sane go. i've quit smoking weed, enjoy nights in, don't feel obliged to go on every night out my male friends go on.. all the things that pushed her away a year ago.

Throughout our youth we did loads of things, holidays, trips away the lot. We had a relationship nobody understood. My childhood sweetheart if you like. I did some bad things i truly regret to this day. My drinking "don't give a **** attitude" and the fact i smoked weed clouded my mind and i didn't realise what i had. This girl was everything i hoped for, no lie. Appearance and personality.

I still look at her facebook, compare myself to her new boyfriend. Regret the fact it could quite easily have been me if i had put more effort in.

I have only seen her once at a night out in our hometown. i came home this christmas still hoping in a way to see her, to show her my change. To tell her that i was genuinely sorry for what i did wrong, the fact i probably destroyed a fair bit of her self esteem by pretending i didnt give as much of a **** as i did.

I have had 2 small relationships since which i could not sustain at all, in fact i have not had a sexual relationship not intoxicated since. i am still not over her a year and a month on. Thats not to say i havent "liked" other girls or even thought about going out with one of them. But whilst this has been in my mind i haven't let myself fall for a girl, i know i am not in the right place for a relationship again.

SHe is happy and i want her to know i am happy for her, but messaging her looks desperate and probably weird considering the last thing she ever said to me was "i just want you to be happy". We haven't texted since the break up, nor spoken other than once where we both just spoke about our family, how things were going etc. THis was inflicted upon us due to the fact we ended up at the same party before a night in town.

I know i completely screwed it. The sad fact is the regret hangs over me and won't leave me alone. Every day i still think of her. I hate myself for it. The old me has gone now, the old i dont give a **** guy so its impossible to confide in my new friends at university who don't understand.

i'm not sure i will ever be able to let myself go and actually think i'll ever get anything i love as much again. I am low on self esteem and i look at myself and feel disgust.

I'd like to add that the insecurities she felt led her to believe i had cheated on her at university, this was not true. It was messed up. We both sometimes played games about hanging with other girls/boys. Hands up , me more than her. but it was a two way thing. My effort plighted the relationship completely and she deserved better. i can't forgive myself.

I can relate to most of the things you are saying, I kinda went through a similar thing and is still hurting.. Unfortunately I don't have a timemachine or any good advice, but it made me a little bit happier to read your story and know I'm not alone out there.. So thanks for that anyway ^^

You're 20. Don't worry about it. Besides your tom the bomb! Mary Jane will be there for you way more than any other girl will.

I can relate to a lot of you, I was in my 20's when I left my ex. I just gave up because she wouldn't talk to me when I bought up topics that I need closure on. I've recently felt sad because I've started to miss her a lot now. she is married and while I have a girlfriend of 3 years now I just cant stop to regret leaving. I was young and dumb and should have tried to talk it out. After we broke up we spoke a little but then she moved out of state and I lost contact of her. she then married to someone who beat her. I found that out when I ran into her on Facebook in 2010. she was then divorced for about two years and just gotten married to her current husband. I was single in 2010 and we talked for a few days then I think she felt guilty talking to me and just stop and now I really just for some reason really miss her. She was my first girlfriend. I feel really dumb for not being about to get over her. I really do but god why wont it just stop. she don't even live in this state at all. I feel empty at heart. I remember every detail of that day down to the time. I wish I could talk to her. not spill my guts but really tell her I sorry and I was so wrong leaving and end it at that.

thank you all for reading.

I feel sorry for your current girlfriend wasting her precious time on someone that's pining over another girl. Set her free

This guy thinks life is black and white.

It's good to know that I am not the only one experiencing this. I feel relieved actually. I am 24 and I already have a new boyfriend and a wonderful daughter but I still can't get over my ex boyfriend after almost 2 years. I thought I already moved on but I still can't get him off my mind. We've been together for almost 3 years, he's in a band and he went to another country to pursue his career and to earn. I followed him hoping to get a job there so we can be together but turns out he already met someone else. I was in denial and blinded. I still believed him and trusted him. I went back home but I still tried to work on our long distance relationship but eventually lies and doubts took over. We didn't have a formal break up we just stopped communicating with each other and that was it. It's so hard to forget him especially when i hear the songs he used to sing to me and sometimes I even watch his videos because I miss him so bad. Until now I still have this hanging feeling, what ifs, buts, shoulda woulda couldas. My current boyfriend is wonderful but I feel like what I had and felt for my ex can never be replaced by anyone. I feel like he is my soulmate. I still hope and pray that one day we'll see each other again. :(

And if you do what'll happen to your current fool? Will you just discard him? Poor guy, try to be a human and tell him the truth and let him find true love not some self absorbed cretin that will end up hurting him.

So much heart ache here! I balled throughout reading everyone's posts! I thought I'd share my experience after reading everyone's posts. I realised recently that I can't keep fighting the memories and urges of love and telling myself to get over him! So I decided to try another tactic that it will be okay to let myself love my ex. It was 9 years of ups and downs I need to celebrate the fact that I was lucky enough to have had this time with the love of my life. I was diagnosed with a chronic illness ms and a few years into it I lost myself piece by piece and destroyed everything around me. We shared amazing life experiences that can't be repeated. I don't think there is this exclusive club but we all seem to be more sensitive souls and will take longer to heal than some. It's been 3 years since it ended. I can't believe he got married when I wanted that and he always said we didn't need a piece of paper! So whilst I work hard, keep busy, it's probably better not to fight the urge of love for him as that just makes it worse so Im going to keep allowing myself to love him in the moment of thinking of him and then drop it to get on with my day. It's truly amazing how many memories we made that come back in the strangest situations. I do make myself crazy sometimes though thinking unhealthy thoughts like being together when we are old and grey! And the time thing someone mentioned above is something I keep getting and roll my eyes at it now it's so frequent! I get strange signs all the time that don't actually mean anything but I clutch my chest like I'm about to die of broken heart and wish the pain away! He is married now so I couldn't contact him ever again. And all our friends deserted me so I suppose it's hard to rebuild. I guess a truly broken heart is always broken so I just need to learn how to keep loving with it. Let's hope I lose my memory completely! Maybe post traumatic stress but there's a name for everything. My family have also disowned me in their hearts. Got to pull a lucky card one day?! I think forgiving yourself is also a struggle and a necessity to move forward. Here's hoping to less tears and more laughs for all here!

Hope the best for you. I think you need you more than anyone else right now. Love yourself

Hey,

You shouldn't feel pathetic, I'm almost 23 and I still have feelings for my first "serious" boyfriend who I was with aged 16 - 17. I'm currently in a 2 year relationship with someone that I really care about but something about my ex won't let me let go. It's been over 7 years now and we aren't even on good terms. I've only seen him a handful of times in the last 5 years and we're like strangers but my heart flutters and I'm always left wondering if... I feel like in the past we were just kids and we made so many mistakes and it's just a shame. In a way I just wish I could stop feeling like this.. thinking of him, occasionally dreaming of him, looking him up on Facebook and feeling gutted when I realise he's with someone new... comparing myself to her and so on. He's never coming back to me and I know this attention could be going on my boyfriend who is a lovely guy and deserves the best but I don't now, everyone seems to just tell me that you never fully get over your first love. It's a weird one. I just feel full of regret. Totally relate to your story, hopefully we'll all be able to get closure eventually!

So you're saying being with Someone else didn't help you get over your first love? Maybe you should tell your current bf how you feel and let him get a chance at true love.

Just guessing, but given all your responses, I can tell that you were that guy. You were the guy that was in a relationship with someone who was in love with someone else. See, now I would never do that to someone. I've been in love and completely single for 12 years pining over one man that I will never have. Guys have tried to date me time and time again, but my heart is shattered. Which is more pathetic? Trying to move on with another man or staying forever broken and single?

Hi all I am 21 I came across this forum and it's so nice to see everyone supporting one another on here, my first love recently entered my life, he had left me with no explanation at 15, we had been on and off for 4 years it was an extremely tough time. 6 years later he finally had the guts to apologise and ask for me back. He had met so many women but nothing like what we had. We had a rare connection I have seen somebody else mention that on this forum, is this true love? I have a boyfriend now of nearly 2 years but do not feel the same way as I did with my first, it's sad

It's sad for your new guy...

I've been to so many threads and chat room forums, which I found mean, judge mental and harsh. This seems like a warm atmosphere. I've read some of your stories and it breaks my heart cuz I too am struggling and that your truly not alone. Anyone can tell you "get over it". He or she isn't worth it. And they are truly right, but what they don't seem to realize is, they haven't been in our shoes, heartbreak yes, but not the exact one we are going thru and that it may take from one month to years to get thru it....maybe never! So please, never let anyone make you feel bad about what your going thru....ever! You can't help the way you feel. As long as your living your life, crying over an ex is normal, no matter how many years have passed. I'm just greatful I found this and can relate....my story is pretty devestating. My thoughts are with all of you :)

Yes crying over an ex is normal, crying and pining over an ex while you're in a new relationship is not normal but completely abhorrent.

It has been 18 years (yes, eighteen!) since I was with my love. Rarely has a day passed that I have not thought of him. He is my first thought when I wake up in the morning and the last before I close my eyes at night. We had a deep, rare emotional connection that I believe only happens once in a lifetime.

Shortly after I opened a facebook account, he sent me a friend request and told me he thinks of me often. I could not respond because we are both married, and I believe we would be at high risk for an "emotional affair." I could never do that to my husband.

Someone posted on this thread that what we are experiencing is obsession and not love, but I do not agree. I do not exhibit obsessive qualities in any other aspect of my life. I married late in life and therefore dated a lot of men, and seeing pictures of any of them with their wives does not bother me in the least. However, with this particular man when I saw his facebook picture with wife and child, it felt as though someone kicked me in the stomach. I cried tears like I had not cried since we initially broke up.

I have tried everything to get over this man: exercise (to increase endorphins), meditation, prayer, journaling, and even counseling. Nothing has worked.
I am slowly accepting that I love this man with every inch of my soul, and the love simply will not die.

Thank you to all of you who have shared your stories. It has brought me some comfort to know that I am not crazy and others are experiencing the same thing.
I agree with the poster below: We are members of an exclusive club, whether we want to be or not.

You sleep next to a man while you think of another one? Sounds healthy.

YOU don't sound healthy.

Only 13 more years!! You can do it! "Life is what's happening while you're busy making other plans." You know? Life...

Idiot without a clue about the complexities of the heart.

I agree, if they are 'the one' you cant let go. I have spent almost 18 years without a relationship since we broke up, no one could ever replace her. I still think of her every day and she sometimes visits my dreams. I saw some recent pictures of her on the internet and no wedding ring. Maybe I should do something, may the lord grant me the courage. God bless

What you feel is normal. Glad you share. In life, we often hide the pain and agony in our hearts. We live life trying to be responsible, being married...but I still believe there is only one person that we can be emotionally, sexually, in all ways close to like no other.....unfortunately, it is not the spouse for most of us. My ex contacted me. We are both now married. We were together about 20 yrs ago. He said a day did not pass when he did not think of me. I saw him briefly and realized that I had caused so much pain in his life ..that he still loves me so..that I have never faded in his life. I hugged him and, just from the hug, I felt that we were connected beyond connection. I think years of being apart and longing he had for me was transferred for me. I did not realize how lonely my life has been, with any man that I have met...I did not know that I could feel that way I did until he hugged me. He remembers everything about me, my body, every trace of my face and every mole and scar.
I am standing on the other side here..I left him and hurt him. We faced the music and we are struggling. My leaving him left so many scars. He is married to someone that I think is very obsessed about him..he said he does not love her..but I just don't know.
I don't think I can hug anyone and feel the way i felt with him.

The futures is unknown. I hope he heals. Wish I never left.

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Also September 13th was the date we began dating. I see 9:13 on the clock all the time. I swear to God I do not look for it. I look at the clock and what do you know-the memory of that moment we made it official comes back to me at least twice a day. It's been happening for the last ten years no lie!! I roll my eyes when I see it now a days. I believe it's a sign.

Yes a sign of mental illness.

You need help, trustnobitches.

Me too. I'm deeply in love with my ex. I left him when I was 18. After ten years I still only want him. It was (for me) love at first sight. I followed him around like a puppy in high school. I worked hard for him to love me back. We were together for 3 years and I even lived with him at his parents' house. My family didn't know him enough to like him and didn't want to try. I left him to gain their acceptance of my decisions, only to fall in a deep hole with my life. Now after many years of ups and downs and a couple other men, he is still on my mind as he always has been. I had seen him a few times in person, no communication, and each time it brought tears to my eyes. My heart would go crazy each time. I want to shout to the world that I love him more than anything but I can't. He is with someone, married I think. I've researched soul mates and feel like he really is mine. Everyday I make a wish that he would call me.

Researched soulmates? No kidding? Can you share that link?

A**hole

I am in this same situation. 10 years. He now dates someone in my extended family so I have to see him sometimes at holidays etc. I am happily married with kids so that's that. I am not a cheater so we just avoid each other because it's too risky. Just sucks that mutual friends have told me he feels the exact same way about me. It's like we are forced to live our lives apart. It is SO hard to be around him.

havent even tried with anyone since exgf broke up/moved away 8 years ago. hoping for a day when i dont think of her. she has her own family now and my biggest regret is not talking to her when she reached out, shutting her down. she never knew how important she was to me and i figured if i prevented her from entering my life again i would just get over it....that was 4 years ago. i was too scared to admit how much she meant to me and lost her forever.

Sounds like my lol situation. I moved and tha deal was I'm movin back for us. And when I moved back I got shut down and I sometimes wonder if he ever thought about me. And now I moved on I guess... I have a family. I love my kids but I wud trade tha new one in for tha old one any day :) lol. I try not to think about him but it never works. He told me he put my heart in a box on a shelf and all I really want is that box so I can get my heart and move on lol

By tha new one and old one I meant bf. Or not new. Current really.

Oh yeah that makes it better.

Anyone notice how it's only one person being mean on here? This guy is unhappy.

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It has only been 1 month since I broke up with my girlfriend, but I love her deeply and I feel like I will never get over her.

I have dated other girls and been sad when we have broken up. But it has never been like this before. I think about her every single day for hours on end, my productivity for life in general has greatly diminished.

I have spoken to her via Facebook messenger only a couple of times since the breakup but it seems like she has moved on and is doing really well.

Again, it's only been 1 month, but it feels like that could quickly become 1 year, 5 years & 10 years. Does anyone have any advice for how to move on now?

Yes, take as long as you need and don't get into another relationship and hurt an innocent person to appease yourself until you can truly love them.

I'm in the same boat here, it's been 4 years for me. I just simply can't get over my ex wife, I've been with someone for the past year selfishly thinking it would cure me, but it actually made everything worse. I think of my ex wife everyday even when sleeping or having sex with my present girlfriend. I want to end this.

You should

I came across this article thinking wow, I thought, this is, was, me too. There’s so much pain and suffering in these posts and I can honestly say that I do understand. Really! I understand how painful it is to be so obsessed with someone that you get plunged into a soul crushing depression to the point where you think, hmm, suicide? Why is it the only soothing thought? I wouldn’t be brave enough to do it and I hope you’re not either. I was in relationship for 3 years, it ended badly and became obsessed for the next 6 years. On top of that, she found a boyfriend that worked in the same floor as I did and we were in contact while I tried moving on. I did wrong too, a lot. So I’ll be fair and say that I was the one that broke it off, then regretted it, then it was too late. But rather than commiserating I’ll try to give you some advice and perspective from another angle. It’s easy for someone to say ‘Get Over It’! But let’s face it, not all of us are wired the same. Some of us have deeper emotions than others, are prone to addictive behaviour patterns or haven’t had enough life experience in these matters to know there are better opportunities out there. You are not the problem, your mind is! This is the most fundamental point I can make to you. You are complete as you are, you don’t need another person to fulfil you or make you love again, to need to fill a gap or thinking they were the best thing and you missed out, etc. You have thought about this person for so long that your brain has hardwired neuron paths that habitually make you do the same thing you have done, for years. Why do you think smokers, alcoholics and sex addicts can’t quit so easily? You need to undo this. And you can. You just need to take control over your mind, silence it and make it your tool. It’s what it’s meant to be. Try to awaken to your real Self. The real you is not those thoughts that whirl around in your mind and make you feel horrible. In fact, the hurt you feel is your body telling you that something is wrong, stop thinking of it or I’ll hurt. Doesn’t it make sense? It’s just like a bruise when someone hits you, only mental/emotional. Get help if you have to. In fact, you must, since it’s been so long. You have unreleased pain inside you that’s associated with this little story of yourself. That’s all it is, a story, not your life. Talk to this person and tell them all you never did, release, if you can’t talk to them email them. If you can’t do that, imagine them in your mind and say it to them, scream it out if you have to and get it out. Find out what’s inside you that you need to do in order to get that feeling out of your own SELF. Don’t look externally. That person is not the image you have created in your mind. You give them way too much credit and place them on a pedestal. Empower yourself and stop being a slave to your thoughts. They won’t come back and they’re not meant to. You outgrew each other and you’re meant for different experiences. They’re living theirs while you’re not making room for yours. Don’t talk about them to others, you might feel a little better but you’re only prolonging the moving on process. Don’t try to find out where they are, what they’re up to, etc. These thoughts are like a crying child that what attention, they won’t stop crying until you try to soothe them. Don’t pay them attention and they’ll get quieter. It will take time, but it will. For going above your thoughts and getting to know how we humans work try reading Echkart Tolle – The Power of Now. Do whatever it takes to get your mind in order. Good luck and I hope you find peace inside!!!

Great advice. Too bad it'll be unheeded.

I really needed to read this. You are so right. I need to take back my power and quit giving it to someone who doesn't deserve it. From now on if my ex pops in my head I'm going to do whatever it takes to get them off my mind. Hopefully with repetition I will forget them forever.... Thank you

I am sorry for what you are feeling! The same thing happened to me! Its very difficult!

It's been 5 years....since 2008. Everyday since.....not a day has gone buy I don't think of him. I had a bad childhood and I married at 18 to escape that. Only I escaped into a horrible abusive marriage. When I divorced, I went on a path of self discovery and self love. Only I met a man persistent about being with me. We were good friends for a while before I gave in to try a relationship. It was the only time I ever felt at peace in my life. The only time I felt that love. But unfortunately he never knew that because I still needed to fix myself. I messed up often, I had no ambition or will. He wanted me to get a college degree, find a better job than bartending or serving. I always resisted thinking all he ever wanted to do was change me. But all he ever wanted was for me to see my full potential. I held a lot of demons in me that I needed to face and not hide behind him. We broke up, I guess he knew I needed to do that on my own. Now 5 years later, I have confidence, I have a nursing degree, I don't have that deep inner pain I fought all my life anymore. I am at peace with myself with the past but not with love. He moved on with another woman and has been with her for 4 years now. I am glad he is happy. I would never take that from him. I love him so much that all I care about is his happiness before mine. But I do wonder if he ever thinks of me like I do him. I was his first love, and he mine. He's exactly the man I dreamed to be with. He may not be considered "hot" in society... But he's the most beautiful man I have ever laid my eyes on...those green eyes. If only we had met now instead of then. He taught me so much. To value myself. In those years apart, I gave birth to a child. What people don't know is I moved back to the state where he was from to do all I could to run into him and win him back.... Only to hear he was with someone else. I was devastated, so I felt lonely and torn and dated a man briefly to keep myself busy and to hide from it. I left him 2 months later when I realized I was better than that and I would never settle again. When my true love and I broke up he made me promise to never settle for less. I wanted to kept that promise. I found myself pregnant after that. I knew the moment I found out I would be a soloParent. I found out the guy I was briefly with was into drugs. It later escalated into hard drugs like heroin. He's now in prison. I have not seen him since we broke up years ago. The child I gave birth to....gave me a reason to live and the will to be motivated. My demons gone. After I got my degree, I met a nice kind man who treated me and my child with the world. We got married and now have a child together. I needed to try to move on and love for my child. I often feel guilty because I know I will never love like I know I can love again. I still think of him often. I still hope a lot. I know it will never be. Too much has happened now to ever reconcile. I learned one thing in nursing school. When you reach the end of your life, as you lay dying, your body begins to hallucinate. To help transition to death. As my professor spoke all I could think about was that when the time comes one day, my passing will be beautiful because I will see him. It won't matter if it's just a hallucination but I will see his beautiful green eyes again..........

It's so refreshing to know that I'm not alone in this battle. It's been 25 years since me and my ex have been together. The reason that we broke up was because her family was moving away to another state because her father had gotten a job promotion. FYI, I found out from her when we re-connected back in 2010 that the only reason she broke off the relationship back then was because I was a senior in high school (she was a sophomore) and the thought of me going off to college and meeting another girl would break her heart. She claimed that she tried so hard to pretend that she didn't care about me when it literally tore her up everyday for a long time that she really wanted to still be with me (although it didn't seem that way to me being on the receiving end of her hardened attitude). Of course as a male, it was unpopular to let a woman know how you were truly feeling so I never expressed to her how I was hurting and wanted her back because she was my soulmate. We both eventually married other people (though her marriage ended at about 15 years) and though I truly love my wife, I still can't get over my ex. I believe that after our re-connection and the fact that we both are still madly in love with each other, she couldn't bare the fact of us only being good friends, so for a second time in my life she has distanced herself and will no longer take my phone calls, emails or texts. She is truly the one that got away because in our 7-8 months of dating, we only had one disagreement and she ultimately apologized to me when she discovered that she was wrong in what she was perceiving at that time. I just want her to know that I will love her as long as I live, but I just want her to be happy in her life pursuits.

She sounds insane. Try to make the best of your current relationship.

God! Your trolling is working. You're so nasty and horrible, just going around the thread being 'holier than thou' and criticising people for the way they feel. As if you can turn emotions on and off. Also, it is possible to love more than one person. You'rr just coming across as bitter. This is a thread to support each other, not tear them down.

i am afraid now i love a guy relationship was too short .... but for entire year i missed him... we are already splitted pls suggest me how not love him anymore.....

Screw a camel...

I cry everyday lately over my ex of 11 years ago. I ball up on the floor sometimes and cry like a baby over losing him. We dated only a year but it was the best time of my life. I loved him so deeply, all I wanted was to be with him forever. Then he told me he wanted to move away back to his home cuz he wasn't happy here except for with me. But I guess I wasn't enough to keep him here. I was so heart broken, we tried to stay together but the distance got to me. I could not handle being so far away from him. I had a breakdown one day because I was missing him like crazy, he said he couldn't do it anymore and broke up with me over the phone. I cried myself to sleep that night and haven't stopped crying. I miss him so much sometimes that it completely devastates me over and over again. Why did he give up on us after everything he promised me? I don't understand. I don't dare ask him now what happened, I'm too scared to hear the answer. I don't know how to get over him. My heart won't let me. I need help.

Just curious, why didn't you move away with him?

I feel so relieve that theres other people out there who shared the same feelings as me. I was with my first boyfriend for 2years I had to leave for the US. Long distance killed our relationship, been married now for 8years with 3 children, been over 10 years now since we broke and I still miss him and love
him, all I can do is pray about it. He showed me what real love is and no other man can fill that gap.

I am the same as you, I met him 13 years ago. Were together for a year. Then we moved town. He's married and I am too with two children but I still miss him and loves him. I feel bad as I am married but I am not in love with my husband . I don't know what to do :(

Leaves your husband. Give him a chance to find a good woman

Fill that gap... Well after 3 kids...

I too can relate ... And we split up in 1989. Yes I ended up getting married ... Having children ... Divorcing ... Remarrying ... Then my husband passed away after being with him for over a decade. Here we are three years later and I am remarried ... But I still carry my ex in my heart. It's so depressing. I look back on the years and I get angry that I have carried him in my heart for this long. Nobody understands how I can still be holding him so tightly in my heart. I feel alone that I cant talk to my family or friends ... Because everyone says just get over it. Why can't people understand ... I have tried!?!?! I came here looking for answers to how to get past it but found so nanny are going through the same thing. It's sad to see many are struggling as I am but it's good to know I am not alone.

You should seek him out and get double teamed by him and your husband. How did you get married if you love someone else? Sounds a little self serving.

Same boat here...I have been with my husband for eight years, but still love my ex that I have not seen in over ten years. My ex and I just recently started talking again and he claims that he has never stopped loving me either. Dont know what to think if it. Confused!!!

Your husband must be so happy!! Do you think you will think about your husband when you're banging this guy in the near future?

You should never feel pathetic for still loving someone after so long, because it just shows you how strong your love was and has continued to be. Some people have this with they're first love, others the 2nd or 3rd because that person just came later, but you know when that person is the one.. and you spend years looking for someone to make you feel the same way, to fill the huge gap they left. to find the piece's of your self that you lost when you lost them, and the painful thing you have to accept is, they stayed with them.

After 6 years I still love my first love, i still remember the smell of her hair, and that warm feeling that washed over my chest n body when i held her tight, when id lose my self looking in her eyes and kiss her with everything i have. i haven't felt like that again with anyone.

We're both now in our 20s, recently started talking. The feeling when we spoke about old times and was the best in the world, because she's ok, both of us had the worst time after we split, and it was my fault, n now talking about everything we didn't talk about back then, made me see if i had stayed, things would have been ok.

We are friends and maybe forever, but my heart still wants to hold her and never let go, we both wanted to get married and have a family, nothing in the world could destroy us back then, we was in our own world, the only thing that could have damaged us was us, and we let it happen. But if i ever get that chance again, i won't let it go again.

It makes me feel so much better that there are people out there that share this same experience as I have. When people say time will heal or I will get over it. It has been four years since our break up and I still feel the love like it was yesterday. He tells me I am the love of his life as well. The relationships that we have tried to have have not worked out or been the same since us. It breaks my heart daily. Hopefully things will work out but I appreciate hearing your stories. It helps me to not feel alone. Thank you.

Misery loves company

You are right there's nothing wrong with loving someone but what is wrong is getting married and still be in love with someone else... Good luck getting her back. Be careful what you wish for...

Ruining this whole thread. Such a c*&t

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I dont know if he was your first love but i can relate to you. I was with my first love for a yr, he cheated on me & we split. After 2 years of being single, I met someone new & was with him for 9 years (we married in this time). Fell out of love with him & met someone new who i am currently with. Were approaching 2 yrs of being together, but I still think of my first love every day, even though it has been 13 yrs since we broke up. We sometimes randomly talk to each other about our present lives & what were up to, never anything anymore. Recently iv been thinking about him more, i dunno if it coz me n my current partner had a major fall out & it hasnt been the same since. I honestly believe there will always be that one love you will hold in your heart & for me it is him.

Yet you've gotten married twice? And they haven't worked out? Imagine that?

i can relate too its soo sad i feel like its a cursed you feel me? everyday my ex comes across my mind even every hour! and its been 5 years and the love I have for her is truly unconditional i have been with flings and other lovers after her and they all ended quickly i never stayed persistent enough with them as i did with her.... and every time each fling or lover left my life i will weep badly thinking about how badly i miss her. my story is different she cheated on me and lied and was confused with us... but i loved her more than anything and still do... i went on youtube and what this is called is "magnetic attraction" its when you fall for someone so hard regardless the difference or the clashes the magnetic attraction is deep and strong and unfortunately no matter the years or how many changes you had in your life that person will always be thought of and missed. google on magnetic attractions. i still feel personally me and this girl have unfinished business i feel one day she will come back into my life i feel confident about that my intuition is sending me strong feelings that the spark hasn't left and one day no matter the years we will reunite and give this another try. i hate this feeling though everyday i think of her everyday my inner soul cries everyday my heart has a pain because it sucks i cant communicate with her. life..... struggles....

Dude she cheated on you. She banged other men! Get over it and find a decent woman. I think there are a few left.

lol you got that right just a FEW left... just hard to find them... i am over her i just think about her but i will never allow her back in my life.

About ten years ago I met a wonderful man, he and I were working together at the time. We began dating, we had a wonderful time, we laughed, we took road trips, we enjoyed simply being in the moment with each other. One November day, I was rushed to the emergency room, later to learn that I was miscarrying a baby, his baby, and I was not able to get ahold of him. I went into surgery and stayed the night at the hospital and he came up the next morning. He drove me home that day, and stayed with me for awhile and one day he left, and we never spoke again. Sadly, not a single day goes by that I don't think about this situation, this wonderful man, this love in my life that has been missing (not really missing, someone knows where he is)... I married and have two wonderful girls and we are all very happy. Then about two months ago, I take a new job, and learn that he works there too... I was half excited, half scared and so confused. We, of course, run into each other and all those thoughts and feelings come flooding back to me... I have spent so much time thinking about him in the last ten years, and now to have him working with me again is terrible and wonderful... do I just ask him one day what happened? Do I confess that I have thought about him for years? I will never leave my husband, and have no desire to start anything romantic with this man again, but I think I need some sort of formal closure on the issues...

The answer seems real easy to me. Respect your marriage, husband and children.

Have you gotten over him? Reason why I ask is because I haven't gotten over my ex-girlfriend from 10 years ago either and I am married with a 7 year old daughter. I know it's pretty sad.

Pretty sad? No it's really sad. For your wife

I lost my love of fifteen years. Five years onward and I still contemplate her memory. I remind myself that the atoms that we're made from are mostly empty space. I don't think we can tell if this was ever really real...

Oh Thank God I am not completely alone and nuts. I was with my ex for 13 years and we both when we were young cheated. We forgave each other and then he did it again. I lost it and made him leave and filed for a divorced. I felt someone healthy but he was always on my mind. He has been the first thought every morning since April 1993. I have had relationships over the last 8 years and 3 men have asked for my hand in marriage. I refuse and move on.

He married 3 months after we Divorced and Tattooed himself with her name "Kelly." I was shocked then since we have a daughter and he has a daughter from a previous relationship when he was 18. I guess I thought he would put his children's name before someone he barely knew. When he married he married in the Fall the same week we had married. He even went to the same destination as we honeymooned. I thought he was trying to recreate what he had.

I have told everyone I date that I am not over him but they appear to think they will be the one! Well I just recently split from a man I was dating and the day I split I learned he had divorced. My daughter ran in and said Dad is DIVORCED not getting but DIVORCED.

Last summer he had dropped our daughter off at a friends close by and asked if he could swing by and use the restroom. I agreed. We had a few beers. I then told him I had much to do but it was nice chatting with him. When he got up he kissed me. in between kissing I told him you are married, he said, "I know." I said my heart is beating, He said, "it is suppose to do that" I said, "You have to go I could never be the other woman." He left. He immediately called as I was dialing him both of us to ask WHAT JUST HAPPENED! His grandmother had just passed and I jokingly said, " Mamaw works fast up there."

For days we texted and he said he was divorcing and would try and flirt with me. I played for a few days and realized I could not do this. I told him, "Jamie as far as I am concerned you will always be mine but you are married and until you are divorced. I cannot continue this." He said, I know and you are mine. There is NO me without YOU. I am getting my affairs in order."

Then over a year later our daughter just blurted that out to me. It has been 3 weeks. He has been texting but wants to sext. I am not really down because I do not want to be one of many. I asked him about his statement a year ago, "There is No me without YOU." He said, "There isn't but that does not mean I cannot exist." I said, "we have both been existing at least you were married and only broke one heart I have broken many."

I thought about just playing and flirting but then I thought who am I kidding I have to take every opportunity to tell him the truth. So last night when he text and want to play. I said this is why I will not play. I pulled a card from the lot of many that read, "My Life for YOU." and then I said, and this, and this, and this. Needless to say I had saved everything throughout the years even the Polaroids ( if you get my drift). He told me I was depressing him and he would text later. He sent me a good morning and I him. I just do not know what to do. I keep talking to the universe "send me my soulmate whether it is Jamie or not now is the time positive thoughts positive energy." I read a few of these post and cried out loud. Any advice?

"I have told everyone I date that I am not over him" you are the only person who has said this on this post. The only honest person so far. Good for yoi

I also can relate. I broke up with my ex 13years ago. But I still think of him. We loved each other so much, but because of his anger issues, long distance relationship as well as low self esteem(from his side) I had to break it off.

I stay far from home and sometimes when I go home I will call to let him know that I am around, so we will meet for coffee or just to chat. Last month when we met it was intense cause we asked each other what went wrong, and I was glad that he admitted that he was wrong and if only he could turn back the hands of time. and
I told him that he could not,for now he is with his wife and I am with my husband and those are the people we chose to be with. I believe that we will end up together funny enough, in our old age. He is my love, my one but the person that I cant be with now.

"and I was glad that he admitted that he was wrong " lol...

Sadly, I'm in the same boat, but my story is different. I married a man that I thought was my soulmate. We had a 3 year old daughter when he cheated on me. I forgave him the first time and we had a second daughter. He cheated on me again, but this time with a friend whom he got pregnant while he was still married to me. He left myself and my 2 daughters (then 3 & 7) to be with this woman that he did not love. Horrible custody battles ensued, I had a restraining order against him because he became physically abusive towards me. He called the Catholic Children's Aid Society on me, lying to them telling them that I was beating our daughters which was not true. After questioning my daughters they realized that this was a lie and it was just my ex getting back at me. The stress of living with him before we divorced triggered Multiple Sclerosis in me. Having never received a dime of child support from him made my M.S. worse and I was working 4 part-time jobs to make ends meet. My daughters never understood why they were replaced by 2 other children and they cried themselves to sleep every night. Now 20 years later he's divorced (she cheated on him) and he helped my eldest daughter move in with me. Later, he apologized for everything including the abuse ( he believed that he was bi-polar at the time) he had put me through. He was profoundly sorry about his behaviour. He didn't know that he was my soulmate and I didn't know that he ever really loved me. I got pregnant when I met him and I thought that he was only with me because of our daughter. Anyway, he confessed to me that he had never stopped thinking and dreaming about me and how he told his girlfriend early in the relationship that he had wished that he had made it work with me and our family. I too dreamt of him during those years and always woke up crying. It took 10 years of therapy to get over him and another 10 years of working on myself. After he left, years later I lived with 2 other men, but I never loved anyone again like I loved my ex as I was incapable of ever trusting anyone like that again. And the person that I am now seeing also knows that I am incapable of loving anyone, I told him this years ago. Of course all of the relationships that I ever had after my ex, never worked out. Anyway, ever since his apology a month ago I've been dreaming about him every night. I dream that we are happy in a parallel universe and that he never left and that we have had more children together. I also dream that this was the life that we could've had. Now that I know that he really loved me all of those years and it makes me very sad about what we lost. I don't want to have dreams about him anymore but my subconscious won't stop. I told him that when he apologized that I forgave him too and I also apologized for getting a restraining order against him. Anyway, I think that I'm dreaming about him every night because I am mourning the life that we could've had together. Now on a regular basis he comes over to see my daughter and her boyfriend and we all sit down and we have a meal together. When he leaves, I feel confused as I do not want to have any feelings for a person that hurt me so profoundly. I don't know what to do and I wish that I could stop dreaming about him. Maybe I will not be around when he comes over to visit my daughter. Finding your soulmate and having that screw up on you, sucks!!!

I can relate with how you feel. I was with my husband for four years until he left me for a x girlfriend of his. It has been three years since things were over between us. I am tempted around the time of our anniversary to look him up on facebook. It makes me sad as I see pics of him and the ***** he ran off with and think that should be me not her. I have tried to move on and once the relationships gets too serious I get nervous and things end. I don't know how to let go of him. Maybe deep in my heart I hope he will come back.

Love yourself. Pining over That man is a waste of your life.

I think we are all being too hard on ourselves. I agree we don't want these feelings of rejection, or hurt, or sadness, to linger. We certainly miss, love, think of and probably often yearn for our ex's. You may see the date on something and it's around the time you were with that person. You may hear a song or any reminder of that person. In my case songs, movies, the apartments we lived in, among other triggers. I know I do long for my ex-boyfriend, he was and is the love of my life. He doesn't talk to me, he wont talk to me. I have found him and reached out and he NEVER returned my call. I don't want anything from him. It would be soothing to hear his voice. Let me be honest, I wasn't a good girlfriend to him. The entire end to the relationship was totally my fault. Yes there were some things that lead me to make the wrong decision, however the small things were invisible in the grand scheme of it all. He's now married. I learned from his fraternity brother, I almost choked when he said those words to me. He's successful. I was with him when he was broke and in school. I think about him often, and I have since moved on and had a kid. However I still find myself getting upset every so often. In this I have learned there is that one person in life you will ALWAYS LOVE...NO MATTER WHAT. So embrace loving this person versus fighting it and I think it will be easier to deal with

Wow just shooting a message to all you sad folks out there!

My personal story is that I was in a relationship for nearly 3 years, she was only 17 nearly 18 at the time, First started dating when she was 14! anyway she said she needed space from me and I said well maybe it's time that I let you go as I had given her space previously and she said "what was the point of giving up what everyone is ultimately searching for" and I agreed with her. I loved her so much, more then she will ever know or realize.

So How did I find the strength inside me to let go of the one I loved?

Is actually really simple but was the hardest thing for me to overcome.
Is when you love someone so much and so deeply, you truly want what is best for them. Even if that person is not you. You put your own agenda on the line and become selfless.
If that person comes back to you they loved you as much as you loved them.
If that person doesn’t come back to you, it’s time to move on and accept that the person is better off without you.
Through the love that you had for that person as love conquers all.
“So yeah I wrote that while at the time I was in one of the lowest points of my life.”

1 Corinthians 13:4–8a

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails

Another thing the bible says that is wrong...

I seem to be in the same boat as the rest of you. The thing I cannot figure out is that it has been a bit over 20 years. I am in a reasonably happy relationship (not perfect ....but which one is) and have been since about two years after we spit (he picked a different gal and it was a big, dramatic very hateful breakup- ouch!). I really hadn't thought much about him in years and years but all of the sudden I simply cannot get him off my mind. I feel like a lunatic. I just cannot stop thinking about him. To the point where I am actually having trouble getting my work done. I am literally having to hold myself back from being an absolute drooling idiot and calling him. Dratted internet makes it just way too easy to find somebody's phone number these days. I know for a fact that he would not welcome a phone call (we have not spoken since the breakup and he is married and has been for about as long as me). Of course I dream about the call and that he would be happy to hear from me but I do still have some limited grasp of reality. And I am holding on to that, I hope. I have to admit that I have come close to calling an old mutual acquaintance who I haven't talked to in at least ten years in the hope that I would hear some news. Why oh why is this happening? It came out of nowhere and doesn't seem like it is going to stop anytime soon. I have tried and tried to be rational but nothing works. And nothing changed in my life that I can think of. I keep trying to tell myself that I am not remembering the relationship as it was. But I know that is just a lie. I do remember. I loved this man with every inch of my soul BUT I thought I was way, way over it!! This sucks!!

I'm messed up. I'm still in love with my ex. She's married, happy and I'm truly glad for her. We split up 12 years ago but I can't get over her, I have not seen her for 10 years. I think of her alot and I mean alot even though I know it is destructive. I am not interested in anyone else nor have I, or do I want to be. I feel that these are feelings that I am always going to have, it impacts many aspects of my life. She is happy and I am not going to do anything to let her know or interfere in her life. That is it.

oh Lala123123123 are you my twin sister? why are our experiences so similar!

I know how you feel,I too was in a relationship many moons ago,to this day I cant get him out of my mind,to make things worse he lives across the street from me,I even got married and divored,never even loving my husband,I would dream about my ex all the time,I believe that if your truly in love the pain will never go away. I wish I could help you,but I too suffer immensely.

I don't know how active this thread is but I am in this situation and feel like I've found a safe and supportive place to share. I'm married for 16yrs w/kids and our marriage was more like best friends than husband/wife. Our sex life is boring but he's happy with it. Well I recently got into...Facebook, and one day I looked up an ex. He was not really even a boyfriend, he was my Dancing Bear. We would hang out, listen to the Dead and well, get merry. Anyway, he was over 21 I wasn't, so there were times I was left behind. We lasted about ta-dah---6 months~ I went on to get into another relationship...that ended, and met another guy and we got serious. He wasn't a deadhead, but I thought I could change that..hmmmm. Well one weird night ALL my friends were going out and they told me I couldn't come. I was so mad, so I'm home alone crying, and my phone rings, it's my Dancing Bear. I don't even remember what he said, but I do remember asking him to come over. and he did, I have replayed that night in my head so many times, he was soooo quiet and I was so talkitive, Big Regret there, and lesson learned, we had an amazing night. I got married to the guy who wasn't a deadhead and we had kids. i told him a few nights ago that I'm bit happy in the marriage because I can not forget the strong love I feel for DB, he never got married, I sent him facebook msgs and no response. a lot of weird coincidences have happened lately that make me hopeful for the future, and I'm glad I've been honest with my husband. Right now I'm in a holding pattern, grateful for the past I shared with the man who is my soulmate and hopeful for a future, further down the line where we can be together completely.

Your husband must be ecstatic!

Some of your stories remind me of how I feel and are making me ball my eyes out. I met my first love when I was 21 and I fell in love at first sight. We went out fell deep in love. And I was so jealous at that age still am maybe? But I would see him look at another girl slightly and I would hurt and get mad. Wouldn't talk to him for days weeks. So stupid when I think back. That was like almost 20 years ago. Anyway. He was so sweet and treated me like a queen and no matte who started fight. ( usually me) he would come and apologize and make things right. So I became selfish arrogant. Ad knew he would never dump me cuz he loved me so much. But I loved him solo much too. I was constantly afraid of losing him. And anyway I guess that behavior made me lose him. I wrote him letter and he would come knock on my window and I was so happy. But then I would act the same. Afraid if I act to nice he might not like me or Smthg. I don't know I don't get my behavior. Then we wouldn't talk for years. But when he came back he asked if i was seeing someone and I never replied. He tried to kiss me and I moved away. Wtf? I'm crazy so obviously he got mad and left. My mom said this time he won't come back Then I saw he. Had a gf and I cried so much. Them I saw they broke up. So I went to his apt and felt stupid I had read in a book if u want your ex back don't sleep with them right away. So anyway I got there late and snuck behind someone to get in. Then i went to his apt door and called him he answered So I told him I was outside his door and he was a bit surprised. Anyway the same exact thing happened. He asked if I was seeing someone I didn't answer and he tried to kiss me again and I'm the biggest moron on the planet and did it again. Yes I moved away !,, Now I want to fin Muhammad ali to knock me out of my misery. Because I love him to death. And did want to kiss him and make love and be with him forever. Since the day I met him I've thought bout him every single day. Anyway he pretty much said we can't be friends and he was going to marry his gf and it was the love of his life. I said im happy for u and i don't feel anything for you. Before he hung up i said i will always be here for you. But the truth is they broke up. So anyway I was so hurt thinking I guess I'm not his true love and I screwed up massively. I gave it my last shot and now he doesn't want to tAlk to me or even try to be friends. So I did something even more stupid went online met the first nice guy and dated. I loved him but not like my ex , i got pregnant and he married me. 2 kids later I'm still dreaming about my ex and thinking about him everyday for 20 years crying when my husband was an *******. ( became abusive ) and now he moved out of the country and starting his life there. But a mutual friend knows someone that helped him move and said he mentioned something about I scarred him and he hasn't been able to fin someone like me. I feel like god meant for us to be together I know I will never love anyone like him again. I mis him. I want to hug him kiss him and just be with him everywhere. Marry him and be happy. Even when I found out I was pregnant I was sad because I wished it was with him. Still waiting for that to happen. Love him to death I can still feel the love we had I'm happy to know I'm not the only one feeling this way

Insane

its nice to hear that i am not alone in this same kind of situation. Its been ten years and i haven't forget him... My marriage life became miserable because of this undying love for my ex....

Poor you. Imagine how your husband must feel about wasting 10 years he'll never get back? Oh he's miserable allright

me and my ex broke up over 10 years ago now since then i have moved on and had 2 beautiful children im with a great man who i love very much. but what i felt for my ex is still there we were high school best friends for years and made the mistake of taking it further things didn't work out and we broke up we haven't spoken to each other since i seen him around and the pain is still as strong as it was then ive been to see someone for help because i feel bad for having these feelings and dreams about my ex i love my new partner so much and wanted it all to stop my doctor seems to think its all because i never got closure and things were left un said i told her there is no way that i can tell my ex all this he wouldn't understand it would just seem weird and embarrassing

Hey confused2002,

10 years is a long time to feel pain. I don't have a quick fix solution for you, but I really hope it gets better for you.

:-)

Hello,
I am in a similar situation. My ex and I broke up 13 years ago. I met my now husband 12 years ago. I have been married for almost 5 years. However, I think of my ex every day and I am still in love with him. The thing is, it's not only me. My ex and I have been communicating since the day we broke up. He is my best friend and we talk about everything. We have gotten together several times. Although this was difficult because we lived in different cities for the past 9 years. So our relationship consisted of chatting and the occasional visit (like once a year). But now we live in the same city again. We have seen each other only twice in 4 months. We have not had sex, only heavy kissing. We have only had sex twice in the last 13 years! But we are both still madly in love with each other. Here is the kicker- he is married, has 2 kids. He is not happily married but will not leave his wife because of the kids. This is unimaginable to him. I love my husband but I have never loved him in the same way as I love my ex. I have never stopped loving my ex. That is the problem. And as much as I try, I can not stop loving him. It is a deep, true love. He said to me just the other day that he has had the thought that when his children are older, him and I will be together and "he will finally feel whole". He said this! How do I get him to see this now? I would leave my husband for him. I feel like I have spent the last 13 years just waiting. I know I shouldn't, but I just can't let go.

Today I found out that my ex husband is expecting my heart sank cause from the age of 13-23 he was my life and I can't find the way to move on maybe this is the closure I needed. This really hurts how can I erase 10 yrs and 6 yrs of marriage it's been 3 in a half yrs now now and I'm stuck.

We ex-boyfriends are in the same place you are. Without a hurt, the heart is hollow. Memory is faulty: our nostalgia, no matter how realistic it seems, is not accurate enough to rely on. Cherish the love you experienced; some never had what you had. Strive to live in the present. Surpassing what you once had is possible, but you have to go out the door and be with people. Best wishes.

I met him when i was on working trip to LA 10 years back. First time i met him , i fallen in love at the first sight i guess . Before entering america we need to stop in Taipe. We went out together with few crew members and we had a couple of drink. The second day in Taipe we went to the night market and happen was when we wanted to cross the road he hold my hand and I feel so safe and i got to know that we are still holding hand we we enter the hotel lobby. And finally we had sex on that night.
Things happen so drastically and we both felt connected. Arriving in LA we shared room and we did also in Taipe on the back home. I feel so comfort , safe and i think i like him.
Back in based we date few time , watching movie and finally i met a guy that wanna marry me.
Things happen so fast and finally i left him and married with the new guy.
We never been broke up.
After 6 years we met again in london and we had sex . I really enjoy a moment with him.
We keep in touch until he finally decided to move on year 2010. I tried to find him and finally give up. Im still married and deep inside me i hope that we still can be friend. I just like the way he treat me !
One night on new year 2011 he called me after almost a year went missing. We end up having date .
We we still in keep in touch until now . He treat me like his girlfriend , he will texting me and sometime we met and spent time together .
I feel warm with him but i do care about my husband .
Just lately his behavior seem to be different or may be me has fallen in love with him.
Do u think that he love me ? Should i move on and divorce my husband ? It has been going on for ten years and i don't have a child with my husband .
Me and husband is not like normal marriage we actually have no longer married but non of us wanted to move out. We haven't talk for almost a year and i still living with him.
I am freaking confuse . Help.

Help

I guess you should talk to your husband about what is wrong between the two of you first and try to sort out the problems. Do you feel that your husband loves you? Do you love him? If not, then neither of you will ever be happy and it would be more appropriate to divorce him so both of you could move on.. I think you should talk to your husband and to the other guy as well.. And then only you may decide what to do..

I can understand.. I am going through a break up as well. I was with a guy for 9 years.. We imagined our life together.. All I ever wanted was his happiness.. But then we started to have some problems together.. arguments etc and decided to remain friends. Subconsciously, I thought that we would come back together after some time as usual. But this time he doesnt want to. He says we will both be happy with someone else. I dont agree with this. He can talk about himself but he cannot know my feelings. Koz I dont feel like loving again.. I dont wana get married anymore. I dont trust love. It breaks my heart. I never imagined he would do this to me. He said he needed time to think whether he wants to be with me or not. That hurts. Its the second time he's doing this to me. There are so many other boys who propose me, ask me out.. but Im just not interested. I keep crying all night.. am not happy.. lonelier than ever. Even when we were together, he wouldnt spend time with me and I was lonely but now I feel like something's missing. I dont know if its me.. if I have anything wrong with myself.. But I just wana get rid of this sad lonely feeling... I just want to stop loving him.. He doesnt deserve my love.. What should I do to get my mind off him??? Plz help. Thanks.

It has been 10 years for me too. I still remember every moment I spent with him. It was love of my life. I asked god for years to give him back, to let him come back, I used all mental power to will it into existence. I still love him just like on the first moment we met. Few months ago I saw his picture on the facebook and he looked so different: he had his belly and wrinkles were playing around his eyes. He is 12 years older than me so must be around 42 now. My friend said that I should now feel good that did not stay together because I am still young and beautiful and he looked so much worse than before and the only thing I could think of was: I would give anything to be able to fall asleep on his shoulder again, to hug his chest and kiss his little wrinkles around the eyes, I would do anything to smell his skin and to see his eyes looking deep inside of me. And after all these years I still believe that god will make our paths cross again. I refuse to accept that love like this can just evaporate into universe without any footprint on it's surface.

I feel exactly the same.

Hi

I see that this message was posted 3 years ago so I was hesitant to make a response thinking you migt've gotten over him by now but then taking into the consideration the fact that you've been struggling at moving on for 10 years now made me think that you might still need this message from me.

I had the same situation too. My relationship didn't take as long as yours but he was my first love so it was extremely hard for me to come to terms with the fact that I lost him. I ended up struggling to move on for 4 years from a relationship that only lasted for 8 months. Believe me, I tried every single thing I could think of just to finally get over him, including vacations out of the country as well as cutting off all sorts of communications. Despite that, I was still so in love and hurt and it felt like I never even moved on AT ALL.

After 4 years though, I realized, enough is enough. Yes, he's my first love. He'll always be but life goes on and I should've moved on by now.

So you know what I did? Do you want to know what finally gave an ULTIMATE STOP to this prolonged hangup? I know that you and I might have different beliefs and that you may not be a big fan of what Im about to say but if you're really interested in finally FINALLY moving on and being happy again, then you HAVE TO trust me on this one. You ready?....

I asked God to take away the feeling. I told Him that if this guy's not the one for me, that He manually pluck out the love from my heart because it's not supposed to be there if I'm not meant for him. I did EVERYTHING in my human power to deal with it but sometimes, there are things which I have to admit that I cannot do. And so, I had to give it up to the God of the impossible...so that He can make it possible for me.

But first, you have to acknowledge the fact that God is God. Cause before you trust someone to do something, you have to believe first that He is capable of doing it. Tell God that you trust in Him and that you want Him to move in your life. BE SPECIFIC with your prayers so you'll know that He really answered it when He does.

Take a chance on this. We may not be of the same religion but there's no harm in trying. You dont have to stay hurt for the rest of your life. You can be happy. Ask God to help you. Tell Him to take away the feeling. Take a chance. He answered my prayer.

krizhally,

I am glad to have read your message. I am suffering with memories of my second boyfriend. We went out in my final year of college. He was a massive flirt and had a dodgy ex-girlfriend that became his best friend that he occasionally slept with and so I broke it off with him after 6 months together. I thendated two other men after and was quite happy, even though I still missed him sometimes.

Two years later, he came back into my life. We became friends and I was so glad to have him again as we always had excellent chemistry and bonded so well. And then one day, he told me that he wanted to be with me again. He said that he never stopped loving and missing me over the two years we were apart. And in those two years, he did not date a single other girl. He did not even kiss another girl (and this is mr. massive flirt). And rather than believe that he had changed, I told him 'we'll see how it goes'. So we went out for another 18 months. But all that time, I just couldn't believe that he had changed even though it should have been crystal clear. And so I still fought with him. I questioned him. I told him I didn't see a real future. I got paranoid. I never trusted him. And finally when he realised that I was probably never going to give him a real chance, he quietly walked away, in pain. When I finally realised what a big mistake I had made and how sincere he had been, it was too late. He had found another girl. It pains me so much writing this because we were perfect for each other. I've had five real relationships, including one after him now, but nothing has been like me and him. If I had a soul mate, it was him. We were so right for each other. So right that God even gave us a second chance. He made my ex realise that I was right for him. But I was too selfish, too arrogant and with too little faith. And now it's too late.

It's two years since I last saw him. I recently found out that my he is now moving to the city that I'm living in, with his girlfriend, who I suppose he has become serious with since he walked away from me and dated her. I even had one relationship since my ex that recently ended. Yet, although he is not in my thoughts every day and I am able to be happy in general, there are times when I still wake up from dreaming about him, and burst into tears. And when I think about it, I know that he was the one. And yet, here I am, praying for this: "God, if he is not to be in my future, please pluck him out of my heart". It is painful because I believe that he was right for me - God even changed him and gave us a second chance. But I also believe that I messed up and am suffering as punishment - and that if I can't get what was the best for me, I have to at least ask that the pain can go away so that I can somehow be happy, even if I could have been happier. Perhaps that is all it is. :(

thanks for this... I will do it ... Let God heal my heart and take away all the pain....

I believe you can also pray for him to come back to you instead

Hi, new here want to tell u my story.

I met an amazing person when I was 16.. Everything I ever wanted in a boyfriend... Gorgeous, funny, loyal, was in a band! (Guitarist mmmmm!! Lol) great friend, just AMAZING!!! Well, we was together for nearly 2 years. During that time my mum was suffering from cancer and she died :( he was amazing during that time and so was his family.... Well I never got along with my dad, he was always abusive growing up, I hated him (still do) was v depressed after my mum and everything... looking bk i was completly lost. cut a long story short... I re met a old pal from my youth (he moved away then moved back) I met up with him n stuff. I finished with my 'perfect boyfriend' coz he was gonna give up going to uni to b with me... I couldn't do that 2 him,, so instead of being honest... I just ended it and he assumed it was coz of my old mate, which i let him believe... Well a couple if wks passed n I found out he was with sum1 else (re bound... I knew it!!) so I got with my mate......... (Mistake!!!) all the time I was thinking about my 1 true love! I ended up pregnant and marrying this guy...(bigger mistake!) I was physically and mentally abused for years.. I finally left after having 2 kids 7 yrs later... I jumped into another relationship with a really great man... Only problem is, that he isn't my 1st love... The only person I ever truly cared for and love with all my heart.... I have tried to be friends with him an he hates me :( it breaks my heart... It has been nearly 11 yrs and he won't give me the time of day... I know things will never go bk to how they were... But the day I lost him, I lost my best friend... I will never stop loving him. And even though I have found a loyal caring man I feel I can never give him my all because I will always love my ex... I know it's my fault the ways things ended and I'm forever kicking myself for being so stupid, I think I just need closure and I will b ok, but he won't give me the time of day.... It's true what they say.... You will NEVER get over your 1st love.... I feel for all of you.... This is the biggest pain I have ever felt... Heartbreak is literally a physical pain that will never go away... :-(

I'm going thru a similar situation. My ex and I dated for 10 years off and on. We have two daughters. The relationship ended ten years ago after I gave birth to my last daughter and after learning he impregnated two women. One of the women showed up at my home on night. That's when I realized this was not the life I wanted for me or my girls. Although our relationship was over, I felt that the relationship between him and his daughters would be strong. He rarely sees them twice a year and almost never calls them. Our oldest daughter is graduating from high school in a few weeks and I'm indecisive about notifying him of the dates.What's really confusing to me is that I still miss him at times and I think about him daily. His family has invited me to many family gatherings. I do not attend because it is hard for me to see him, especially with someone else eventhough I know that we can never Be together again. I will continue to pray for him. I wish him good health and happiness, I'm so ready to have a healthy relationship for myself.

Is this still a recent conversation going on?

yes

Wow- I thought I was the only one! Been 22 years for me. Thought he was the love of my life till he got another woman pregnant! His reason "you are not athletic enough and don't have a college degree. I want a successful wife who earns as much money as me"

Fast forward 20 years- he and his wife are both overweight and out of shape, wife stays at home with their 3 kids. She has never worked outside the home despite her college degree. I did finish college and have a decent job and have been married for 20 years. I am in good physical shape and have not gotten fat. Despite this, I think of my EX every single day.

I stalk his wife on facebook, look up their house on google earth. Stalk his brothers and sisters on facebook. Look at his kids pictures. All the while thinking "this should be MY life! I should be the stay at home mom! i should have that house!"

It is INSANE. I feel like a crazy person.

About 7 years ago HE called me after I contacted his sister on myspace. He asked me if I was still 110 pounds. When I said "yes, and i work hard at it" he said he e was going to be in Richmond and would LOVE to take me to dinner! I immediately said NO! There was no way I was having dinner with him and have to listen to how wonderful his life is. Then he would try to put the moves on me and then what???

I contacted his sister and told her what had transpired. I told her I had no desire to hook up with him so he could USE me once again. No thank you, i dont trust or like him. I never heard from him again.

Crazy thing is I am still jealous of him and what could have been. What is wrong with me????

nothing u said no i think u did great

I'm sorry to read so many stories about your pain, and how you haven't been able to move on past a certain relationship.

However, I tell you that for the most part, that's not a sign of true love, or unconditional love, but simply an obsession and you are confusing it with love. You think that the fact that you still think about that person, and hurt after that person, that you must love them. But the truth is that thinking and hurting after someone not always equal to love. We are used to equating thinking about someone a lot with loving them, but again, that is not the essence of love.

At the end of the day only you can break free from that pain and attachment, no one else can do it for you.

I used to feel similar, although it wasn't as extreme as some of the stories I've read here, about a particular ex. We had been together for almost 2 years, and for the next 6 years I was still thinking about him and the "perfect" relationship we've had.

The point is you can get stuck on someone because you have idealized them, or because you feel guilt (you think you've messed up that perfect relationship), when deep within your heart you are afraid to love again (this can be unconscious, and you might be afraid to love because you would feel more guilty about how you messed up the relationship with your ex, or because you don't want to get hurt again) and your ex is actually a safety valve for you.

The point is that after 6 years I had a chance to get back with my "perfect" ex, but that's when I finally was able to get over him. At first I thought that the fact that we both hadn't forgotten each other after such a long time meant that we were made for each other... but then I realized that wasn't it. We never truly got back, but I was able to see that the relationship ended because of both of us, and not only because of me. I stopped feeling guilty, and idealizing him. He is a wonderful person, and I still love him (always will) and wish the best to him, but that doesn't mean I want to be in a relationship with him anymore. I'm not obsessed with him anymore, and I was the only one capable of bringing that change. It simply took a change in perspective. When I started seeing things from a different point of view, when I realized that relationships are there to learn and grow, when I learned to love myself, to accept that I'm not perfect, and that it is okay to make mistakes as long as you learn from them, then I was able to move on.

Another exercise you can do is think about this, you really believe you love this ex right? Your love must be unconditional and pure right? Well, when love is unconditional you want the best for that person whether it involves you or not, correct? Imagine that this ex of yours is in the same situation you are, they haven't been able to move on, but it involves someone else, not you. They are in pain, and suffering because of someone else. Do you want to see that ex suffering like you are suffering? Don't you wish the best for them? (If not then you really don't love him/her) How would you help this person you love to move on?

Well, whatever you would do to help someone you care about to move on, is what you need to start doing towards yourself to move on. Love yourself unconditionally so that you can love others the same way. Do not get stuck on one single person. You don't have to stop loving people who have been special in your life, but you don't need to obsess over them anymore. Only you can liberate yourselves.

I hope some of you realize this and are able to forgive yourselves, and to move on. Love yourselves unconditionally, so that you can love others as much as you love yourselves.

I wish i had thot the way you did long time back. U r absolutely right however once you knew you could have him, thats where you realized you werent supposed to be togethet. Its like when it really cones to you after so long, you dun desire it anymore. Of all the replies, I personslly found yours to be the best and most practical one. Thanks so much!!

You're very welcome! I'm glad to know that my experience was of help to you. I had the benefit of being able to go back with this person if I wanted to, but I hope those who don't get that chance at least understand that they may not be as in love as they think they are. Just recently a relationship ended with a guy I also considered "perfect", but since I have my experience from the past I won't stop living, and I won't miss the opportunity of loving again because of the mistakes of the past. I'm not trying to be anti-romantic, and I know there are stories about some people who separate and after many years they re-connect, but if true love is meant to happen in the future, then at least enjoy your life in the present, don't be miserable because of someone who happened many years ago, specially if they don't even care about you. Just remember that love is much more than what we think it is, and obsessing about someone is not true love.

Its 13 years for me now - I still have recuring dreams where I meet up with my ex again since we split and all that chemistry is there, it feels amazing and I get to say everything I've wanted to say for the last 13 years, and make all my apologies and we agree to give it another go - and it feels wonderful for a moment then in the dream he always just disappears or I can see him in a crowded room and we get separated and I spend the rest of the dream trying to reach him before i wake. I never do. I wake up and feel sick about the decisions and indecisions i made that lead our break up. That dream always opens those wounds like they are new - the sense of loss is intense.

Oh goodness me.
I thought I was the only one who felt like this. Obviously not.
The other night I was sorting through my jewelry box and I found a hand written letter sent to me via snail mail from Canada. I am in Australia. I met this man online. I adored him and he adored me and I hurt him terribly. And naturally he wanted nothing to do with me. With good reason. After finding the letter, I wondered if he still had the email from that time, so I emailed him. He replied with two words. I was shocked as I thought I wouldn't get anything, so I replied back and since then I have heard nothing.
I adored this man and I still do. I never did say it to him, but he was and is the love of my life. I have had relationships since and nothing has stuck. I thought I was stupid still having the feelings I do, but since the very day we stopped talking, a part of me has been missing. Nothing quite fits or completes me. I don't want to get into another relationship and I am now even more adamant now knowing he is out there somewhere. I don't even care if he is in a relationship and cannot be with me. Or even wants to. I just can't let him go.
I believe in miracles and for this, this would be a huge miracle ... I will never stop loving or caring for this man and I never stopped. All the men I have been with since him have all said the same thing, 'something or someone has your heart, because you are not giving anything ...' and they would be right.
I never wanted to admit to myself that this may be true, but it is.
I just don't know what to do ... I will respect him and leave him alone but I will NEVER stop loving him.

As the other comments also show, you are not alone, but I'm afraid that's about as much comfort as can be given.

I met her 13 years and 5 months ago. We never even actually dated; I fell in love with her the day I met her, but due to some -in retrospect misguided- sense of duty couldn't act on it in the first few weeks. She hooked up with a good friend of mine and over the course of the next year or so, we became close friends. I tried for the sake of my friend to ignore my feelings (after all, I thought at the time this was just a crush), and we saw each other more and more often, at one point every single day of the week for months on end.

After a while of this I couldn't take it any longer and confessed my feelings to her. And it turned out she had had them too, right from the start. But she also loved her boyfriend (of more than a year at that point). We went through quite a difficult time, not knowing what to do, but not wanting to not see each other anymore, culminating in her spending the night. Nothing happened (coincedentally, my friend -her boyfriend-, had a very similar experience before he met her with another girl who slept with him then decided not to leave her boyfriend). And so it went; the next morning she declared she really wouldn't leave him and gave me a farewell gift. The fact that she had it told me she planned it from the start. I know I should've severed all ties back then but I just couldn't. Later she confessed to me that even though it wouldn't have changed anything, she really did want me to make a move, and couldn't believe I hadn't.

I convinced myself very hard that I was over her, and after a couple of years met someone else. Beautiful, smart, full of life. We dated for five years but there was always this other girl in the back of my mind, but I had almost completely convinced myself that I was over her.

Then she did break up with my friend, and almost immediately found someone else (or maybe this time it was because she found someone else that she left him). I felt completely torn between loving my own girlfriend and feeling bad for myself that she would leave her boyfriend for this other guy, while she hadn't for me, and hated myself for it. Why couldn't I just be happy with this awesome beautiful smart and sweet girl that loved me, and never hurt me? Do I just like the pain of a lost love?

Fast-forward a few years more, my girlfriend and I broke up, for several reasons, but mostly because I just couldn't attachi anymore. This was now six years ago and I have been alone since. I've met some people, and went on a number of dates, but could never get myself to step into another relationship again. This ex quickly met someone else, and is now (I suppose) happily married, and I have no hard feelings about that at all.

And then a few months ago she broke up with *her* long relationship, and moved out. We still saw each other every few weeks or so (again, I should have stopped this a long time ago, but still couldn't) but I had originally convinced myself that I really was over her, but this of course gave me hope and dreams again, even though the frequency of us hanging out didn't change, and I still realized she had lost her feelings for me.

And this morning she told me she has again met someone else. Or well, she told me she had news, and due to some other recent happenings I know what this news is. I knew this day would come, and would come soon, and still she manages to make me feel ill for choosing someone else over me. I know I shouldn't feel the way I do, and again I hate myself for it. I like to think I am too rational for this to bother me this much, after all this time, but obviously I am not.

We are meeting the day after tomorrow. I hope I'm strong enough to make this the last time.

But I doubt it.

Boxing Day 1995 we split up, I was 21, and I still think about him! Almost 20 years! As I remember it, we had one argument, that was all, after just over 3 years of going out together, and I never heard from him after that. I was devastated. I wrote him a card a few days later (becuase I hadn't heard from him) saying that I missed him etc and got no reply, so I assumed he just didn't want to know me any more. It all hurt so much. I couldn't think about anyone else, I just wanted him. Fast forward 8 years and he sends me a letter saying that it would be nice to meet up, but it was bad timing, there was this guy who'd decided that I was the one for him and he wasn't going to let anything get in the way. So, I decided that I wouldn't meet up with my ex bf as there was a good chance he'd not want to get back with me or that I'd just get hurt all over again and it would have definitely kippered the new relationship. Why had it taken 8 whole years for him to get back in touch? Surely that must have meant he didn't love me that much, or he would have got in touch sooner, so what good would it do seeing him again?

Now I'm not so sure though, perhaps I should have met up with him, it may have given me closure, because now I'm married with 2 children and I still feel the same about him. I never thought it would be this bad.

Im going on the ten year mark and im still not over my ex. I recently got engaged to someone else to seem like I moved on but I havent. It sucks to know I will always dream of being with someone else.