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Still Not Over My Ex-boyfriend After 10 Years

A few years after my ex-boyfriend and I broke up I met a woman in a cafe. She talked about her break up and I could relate, the pain she described was so real I asked her when did it happen. I was thinking months if not days by this woman's reaction. She said oh ten years. Then i thought to myself no not me No not me!

After one failed serious relationship and some flings.

It has been my 10 years and the pain, the anger, the hurt and yes the love is still fresh.

I saw his picture on facebook and I hurt so bad!

I no longer cry but I still get depressed over it.

What could have been... what should have been.

I see his wife, the woman he cheated with and wonder

HOW

WHY

I feel like a failure and think that love is just not for me.

I am worried, 10 years and I am still not over it.

The relationship lasted 6 years.... shouldn't't I BE OVER IT BY NOW.

Am i not pass the stage of looking him up on facebook, or praying a family member brings him up so i know how he has been.

Am I pass looking or talking to other guys wishing they were him.

I feel pathetic.

HELP...

anyone out there can tell me, how to get over this guy.

I love him sooooo much and I am was soooo hurt.

athenalolita athenalolita 26-30 188 Responses Apr 7, 2010

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Look up the term "limerance."<br />
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This is what people like you and me are dealing with. I suppose it's not as insane as it seems, since so many people seem to share this experience. It's been 10 years for me, too &lt;3

I often feel like a loser because its been 8 years and my ex still controls me and he dont even know it. Im 22 and I met him when I was about 14.. we fell in love with each other almost instantly. .we had one of those break up to make up relationships. We broke up like 10 times in 4 years.. we stopped talking completely in 2011 but my heart still beats for him.. he was my first love and I believe he spoiled me..he always smelled good and dressed nice.. never had bad breath. Teeth is pearly white..he doesn't smoke or drink and takes care of his body.. he has a great smile he isfunny smart and romantic.. he adores his mother and has the greatest respect for his step father... I have had like 2 serious relationships after him but non that compared to his love and comfortability.. at this moment we are both single but im afraid of putting myself out there.. I dont ununderstand how you can have such deep and passionate feelings about someone and not be with them.. im afraid he will eventually get married maybe have children and im still jumping from one relationship to another all because they cant fill his shoes.. sometimes I just wish I knew how he really felt about me and that way I can execute my future accurately.. I dont wanna be the girl who settle either all because my greatest love was when I was damn near a child !! HELP!!

It's hard to forget your ex. Mine is more than ten years, and when we first communicated and met after ten years, the spark came back. So I guess during those years, I really did not forget him, but I was just denying. The emotional freedom technique helped me to somehow ease the pain. Google emotional freedom technique.

10 years and I still talk to my ex- girlfriend, I fell hard for her, and it still hurts all the time. we hooked up a few times, but I never had sex with her after we broke up, wanted to, just couldn't do it for some reason.. I still want her back, and she knows it too, she just isn''t into it right now I guess... or maybe she likes the attention... either way, I'm still fighting... now that's pathetic...

12 years ago I broke up with an Ex for the second time. We were 16 (1998) when we first started dating (even lost my virginity to him). 5 months later we broke up then two years (2000) later we found each other again through a mutal friend and started dating again. Well after a few months things weren't going well for me where I lived he was born and raised there, everthing and everyone he knew and loved was there. I couldn't ask him to leave it all. So I broke up with him. I never told him why.

I moved west in 2001 got married and had three kids. I was married for 9 years but I wasn't happy. I thought about my ex A LOT over the years even tried looking him up on Facebook and Myspace. Never thought he would be trying to do the same after what I did to him (twice)

Well Feb of 2013 I got a friend request on Facebook. HE FOUND ME!!! I couldn't believe it. Come to find out all these years I was spelling his last name wrong. I was off by one letter. I was still out west and he was still east. We skyped everynight. But to make a long story short... I am back in the east with my children living with him and him and I promised to never let each other go again. So the saying is true. Love is like a butterfly, you let it go if it comes back to you it's ment to be... But don't let it consume your life.. Gaia has a plan for all of us we just have to listen to her.

You are not pathetic, so please dont even let that cross your mind. My story is extremely personal, but I really need to vent. I have never commented or shared anything this personal online before. I guess it may be because ive always believed that i have a really great support system at home. I have a very understanding mother who has ALWAYS been there for me. She tries to help me with any problems that im dealing with. My sisters are also great listeners. But lately I've come to realize that they dont seem to understand me at all. Anyway its very nice of all of you to share your stories on such a personal topic. <br />
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This is my story: Im 24 years old and I was dating my brother in laws best friend who is 31years old. <br />
We first met at my sisters wedding. For me it was love at first sight. We talked, danced, and had a good time. A few weeks later I contacted him on Fb. Long story short we started dating. It was a long distance relationship which was great for me BC I was dealing with a BIG problem, my eating disorder. Ive had an eating disorder for 8 years. But I never hid that from him. From the very beginning I told him about it. I have always been an open book about my e.d. Of coarse I was scared and embarrassed to tell him everything but I knew that it was the right thing to do. After a year things slowly started to go downhill. Eating disorders are very complicated. It started causing a lot of stress in our relationship. I was unhappy because it was still a part of me and he was unhappy because of my mood swings, health issues, depression etc. I was basically a human roller coaster. It got to the point that I would start fights with him over every single thing. It was not what I wanted. I do love him very much. I hate who I was with my E.D. Not only did it affect me physically, but emotionally as well. I took so many things out on the one person who truly meant a lot to me. Eventually we broke up, then got back together, broke up, and so on. After that i decided to go to treatment because I really wanted things to work out. I was in treatment for a while but then I started to miss him so much. I just wanted to get better on my own. So I went back and spent more time with him in SC. Until it started all over again. I understand that it was really stressful, complicated, and unfair to him. I regret so many things and I wish I could change it all but I can't. We broke up for good a year ago. We didn't talk for several months then we started talking again in July. He came down to spend the 4th of July with his family at the beach. Coincidentally, I was down there doing the exact same thing. So we agreed on meeting up for lunch. We had lunch and things went well. It was short, but I really felt like I was getting closure somehow. Except shortly after that I started to miss him again. Everything just seemed so unfair. I keep beating myself up about how my stupid E.D. got in the way of so many things in my life. I can only imagine how I started to sound like a broken record BC I kept promising that I would get over it time after time. It just never happened. So recently I told him that I am going to treatment for the full three months and that I'm not leaving until I recover. I went to treatment and we talked everyday emailing, texting, phoning, etc. I made the huge mistake of having expectations.. I expected him to visit me while I was in treatment. I expected him to want to be there for me on family day. I expected him to show me that he really did want to fix things. But that was wrong of me because I needed to get better. I was focusing more on our relationship than on my recovery. He grew tired of it. He stopped calling, texting, emailing me all together. I'm so unbelievably torn about it. I never wanted to hurt him. But that's all that I seemed to do. I wish that I could somehow talk to him face to face to explain so many things. But at this point I know that he doesn't want to hear it. I wouldn't want to hear it.. so I can understand. I just hope that once I am fully recovered I can have a chance to talk to him or show him how im not the same person. I'm not my eating disorder anymore. I hope he hasn't let my eating disorder define me.

Bpd.

Thank you so much for sharing this. My story is almost the same.. I only got over my ed when we were finally broken up. I saw that it ruined my relationship and I wanted to fix it before it was too late. Unfortunately he was already done. He had gone to someone else. The fighting and mood swings were too much for him. I never told him what the problem was. I wish I could tell him now, but he wouldn't understand and probably just tell his new gf. I'm embarrassed I let it ruin my life and now it's ruined my relationship. It's been five months and I'm not over it. You understand what it's like to have an ed, it's part of you.. so in a way I've lsot two things now.. that, and my relationship. All I can do now it hope I can find someone else, and be this new person with him.

Reading this has opened my eyes slightly but I don't know what to do , I'm 21 years old and four years ago when I was in college I met this amazing girl actually through a guy in my class who liked her but she chose me instead, anyway we talked for hours every day staying up until 6am talking online we eventually ended up going out, we never had a single argument or fight the entire time we were together..... But almost a year into it and my family decided they were moving back nearer to where most my family lives 300miles away so I broke up with her because I didn't think it would be fair to force the whole distance thing to work..... So I moved away and we never spoke for 2 years imediately after breaking up with her I slumped into a whirlwind of depression but decided to get back in touch a year ago it's been for years now and we speak sporadically when we have time between her being at university and me working but just as I thought we'd be ok as friends she started bringing up in conversation the things we did and I thought ok no harm in reminiscing the good times but she also has said on several occasions that I'm the best boyfriend she's ever had and that she sometimes wishes that we never broke up, that's what started me thinking and all the feelings came rushing back from nowhere and now It's dawned on me I never stopped loving her I just forced myself to forget it but I just can't anymore, just last week we were on Skype til 3am talking just like we did before I guess I'm just confused I have the opertunity to move back there and probably will I just don't know if she feels the same or not or if it's just me clinging on to an unrealistic prospect of is getting back together

I hope somebody can make sense of this sorry

Any advice would be greatly appreciated :)

She still cares about you she is just afraid to 1) say it 2) live it 3) lose it again. Keep up the way you are if she keeps saying the same thing "You are the best boyfriend I ever had" and "I wish we never broke up". Say to her why did we break up? Get the ball rolling sooner or later if it is meant to be you two will be telling eachother how you truly feel about each other.

Thanks a lot now I just gotta muster up the courage to say something, and when you say ask her why we broke up it was me that ended it because I was moving 300 miles away and didn't want to force the distance thing on her because at that time I felt it would be to much of a commitment for her don't know why I thought that, if you could offer any advice on what to say because I know if I tried to go down the route of telling her id spill my guts out so any advice on that would be awesome, thank you so much for your comment it has made me understand why she says these things :)

I dont know if you read my post I did the same thing about 12 years ago. I broke up with my boyfriend now before I moved 1200 miles away. He found me a year ago after us not talking for 12 years and now I am back east with him and couldn't be happier...

Adk her how she feels. If she feels the same go back to her. It's simple, either be depressed or be happy...

Thanks just gotta muster up the courage to say something I guess I care that much I don't want to hurt or distress her in any way but thank you :)

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Reading all of these posts makes me feel validated in my feelings, which I haven't been able to let go for two years now. I am currently married to my high school sweetheart for four years. About year two, we separated because we just didn't feel in love anymore. We were in our mid twenties and both agreed we didn't want to live a passionate-less existence. While we were separated, I met a man a few years younger than me that recently moved to the area from across the state. We fell instantly IN LOVE. Just the way we looked into each other's eyes was fireworks. The attraction, the meshing of personalities, it felt truly meant to be. You could cut the passionate tension between us with a knife. We met in traffic at a red light, so even the way we met seemed fateful. He had never dated anyone before me (should have been a red flag, I know), he is a bit younger, had made some bad decisions so was still finishing college, in a transient part of his life, and was still a virgin. He was a bit intimidated by me being older, educated, owning my house, having just general life experiences, esp. sexual ones (he was pretty self conscious-took him 4 dates to kiss me), etc. But it almost made it seem like he idolized me, which was like a drug high for me, and just felt so romantic and passionate. I never had someone feel that way about me. Until I told him I was still married and separated from my husband. I was ready to risk it all, get a divorce for him, but he felt completely uncomfortable with the sitution. He didn't want the demise of a marriage riding on his shoulders. He also felt afraid he would allow himself to fall in love and that I would choose my husband in the end, leaving him heartbroken. He slowly just faded away, no word, no breakup. It seemed so easy for him to forget me and go no contact. I couldn't believe how easy he got over me. I was DEVASTATED. Well, a few months later and then every couple months he would contact me and tell me he can't stay away or resist, he had to see me, he was such a sucker for me, I was just the most amazing woman he ever met. It was still these passionate, yearning communications. We would meet up and have these electric dates. At least I knew at that point, even when he pretended to not care, he still did. Yet he always would disappear on me when he got scared/it would get too serious. We never did get sexually intimate because he is so afraid of his inexperience and what I will think of it. So I know he wasn't contacting me just for sex. It finally ended about a year ago when he told me he is moving back home for work (against his will) and he really doesn't see anyway it could work romantically because of long distance. He had another year in this area and asked if we could be friends over that time period. I told him absolutely not and that I needed no contact with him for my heart to mend. It wasn't fair to him, me, or my separated husband. I also knew there was no way for us to be friends. It was his way of safely getting to spend time with me while guarding his heart. Pretty much completely self serving. I didn't understand why he couldn't just take a risk and admit he really felt the same way I did! He respected my wishes and we've had minimal contact (he still tries to send flirty texts every once in awhile) but mostly he likes to act as if he just doesn't have feelings for me, but I know differently. I know in my gut &amp; soul differently... He is AFRAID, inexperienced, and avoidant to any risk whatsoever. Now, the second year has passed and he moves away next month. I am reconciled with my husband, and things are much better in our marriage, but I can't help but feel I am going through the motions. I just cannot get over the other and it makes my marriage seem even duller in comparison than it originally did to the passion of "Mr. went on a few dates". How can 10 dates with someone even be compared to a 10 year relationship? But the 10 dates top it any day. Our dates were special outings and he has told my friends he has never had life experiences like he did with me and that it was the best summer of his life, I gave him the best memories, etc. I think I am feeling especially this way because I know he is leaving and I am curious if he will contact me to see me before he does. I hope he does, more for satisfaction that he still has feelings for me. But what good will it do? It's this hope that keeps me holding on to him. All of his friends and my friends have told me his plan is to get his life together so he can come back and be "good enough for me". But I think he is good enough now. Why can't he see that? Having a relationship end in the throes of passion is horrific, especially when it's outside your control. How can you get over someone when you know in your heart they still love you, too? Even if they will do everything in their power to sabotage the relationship because they have their own personal issues? It is so frustrating and gut wrenching. I just want to forget him and the idealized feeling I associate with him. Or maybe I am crazy? Most men would say, "He is a guy. He's not that deep. He's just not into you." Wish someone could shed some light.

You are right. You are crazy. No sex? Throes 0f passion? Lol. He's Self serving? You're with a man you don't like? For 10 years? Still thinking of another dude? Who sounds gay? I agree you're delusional.

Total troll. You horrible person.

It has been 8 years since I have seen him on my birthday he flew in I can remember like it was yesterday him getting off the plane wrapped in balloons that tall smiling guy from ear to ear my memories are haunting the more I try not to think about him the more the thoughts of what if.... What if he called what if he found me online ... on and on but I am married with two children its awful the thoughts that come to mind torturing in fact I purposely do not have a Facebook because of it and thw watch it's I'm glad I can vent here I dare not tell anyone I know it could ruin so much it was so dreamy the way we met on the ski slopes but it was ended after me acting my immature age of 16 and our parents forbidding us to talk or see each other again after finding out that we were sexually active

This definitely hit home with me. I am 21 years old I have a boyfriend and a daughter and I am truly happy with my little family. Except for the fact that my ex is always on my mind. I mean like he was my first true love he was my everything but he treated me like **** he claimed he loved me but was cheating on me and was emotionally and physically abusive which is why I left him. I didn't want to leave him I had to leave him. It was what was best for me. But other than the bad **** that happened him and I had so many good times. He truly made me happy with myself. At that time in my life when I was with him I was the most happiest with myself even if we were having a bad time I still was happy just being with him. Him and I connected on a emotional level tht I've never had with anyone else. Btw I was with him for 4years and we had gone through a lot a pregnancy tht I terminated, him being sent away for a year but we stood together, just so much happened that I can't let go and I can't let him go.

At least let go of your current boyfriend and give him a chance to find true love.

I met my ex when I was 16 and we were only together for 6 months or so. I met someone else and totally fell in love with him a few weeks after my ex and I split &amp; we've been together ever since. My ex got in touch via Facebook last year and we have stayed in touch sporadically since and it's been do nice just to talk to him again. I thought I was ok with it but he recently emigrated with his family for work and I just feel so sad. Nothing could ever have happened between us and I wouldn't want it to but I've had to acknowledge that I do still have feelings for him after all this time and wonder if he feels the same - I mean why did he get back in touch with me? I'm glad I found this forum because although I wouldn't wish anyone to feel this way, I know I'm not alone. Thank you for sharing and love to you all x

Totally fell in love? Yet you still have feelings for another guy? That's love to you? You'll be cheating on your current bf in no time...

I haven't cheated on him in 16 years and we're getting married soon. My ex was my first love and our split left me with some unresolved issues and feelings that only resurfaced when he got back in touch. Being able to actually voice my feelings has helped me to deal with them and I don't appreciate being judged by someone who hasn't got a clue about me. I joined this forum because reading other people's posts lead me to believe that it was a place I could do that & perhaps help other people who are having similar difficulties. Maybe you should take your cynisism somewhere else...

"but I've had to acknowledge that I do still have feelings for him after all this time and wonder if he feels the same" not judging just trying to comprehend.. You see if my wife to be told me that she still has feelings for an ex she talks to on Facebook there wouldn't be a wedding. Although I'd appreciate her honesty. In this world we love in I would call it off at " I talk to an ex on Facebook" but hey that's just me, I have dignity. And just because you don't Like my opinion doesn't mean I have to go somewhere else... Why would you post if you didn't want a dissenting opinion?

Stop it. You're nasty. It's not a nice trait. You'll have a hard time in life doing this, even if you're doing it for the lolz. People grow up and they leave people like you behind.

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i have never considered posting on such a site in order to access help, now i just need some help/advice if you like. i am a 20 year old male at university and have fallen foul to the adage "you don't know what you've got till it's gone".
I met my first love in year 8 of secondary school, aged 13. We stayed together until the end of first year university when i was 18.
Sadly during secondary school i was a bit of hedonist, quite reckless in my decision but i knew i loved her. i wanted to play up to the "LAD" attitude in a way. We both cheated on each other, twice in fact but we stuck it out and stayed together because both times were drunken horrible mistakes during harder times in our relationship. We were young.

We were at universities that were only an hour from each other so the train journeys were okay and we saw each other atleast once or twice a week.

My first year at university was hectic, full of partying etc and i didn't allow enough time to skype/text in order to show my love. Both our pasts haunted us and neither of us felt particularly secure, her more so.

Fast forward a year, half way through second year and I'm a different person.Probably the person she wanted me to be all them years. I just didn't want to miss out on life experiences but i let the one thing that kept me sane go. i've quit smoking weed, enjoy nights in, don't feel obliged to go on every night out my male friends go on.. all the things that pushed her away a year ago.

Throughout our youth we did loads of things, holidays, trips away the lot. We had a relationship nobody understood. My childhood sweetheart if you like. I did some bad things i truly regret to this day. My drinking "don't give a **** attitude" and the fact i smoked weed clouded my mind and i didn't realise what i had. This girl was everything i hoped for, no lie. Appearance and personality.

I still look at her facebook, compare myself to her new boyfriend. Regret the fact it could quite easily have been me if i had put more effort in.

I have only seen her once at a night out in our hometown. i came home this christmas still hoping in a way to see her, to show her my change. To tell her that i was genuinely sorry for what i did wrong, the fact i probably destroyed a fair bit of her self esteem by pretending i didnt give as much of a **** as i did.

I have had 2 small relationships since which i could not sustain at all, in fact i have not had a sexual relationship not intoxicated since. i am still not over her a year and a month on. Thats not to say i havent "liked" other girls or even thought about going out with one of them. But whilst this has been in my mind i haven't let myself fall for a girl, i know i am not in the right place for a relationship again.

SHe is happy and i want her to know i am happy for her, but messaging her looks desperate and probably weird considering the last thing she ever said to me was "i just want you to be happy". We haven't texted since the break up, nor spoken other than once where we both just spoke about our family, how things were going etc. THis was inflicted upon us due to the fact we ended up at the same party before a night in town.

I know i completely screwed it. The sad fact is the regret hangs over me and won't leave me alone. Every day i still think of her. I hate myself for it. The old me has gone now, the old i dont give a **** guy so its impossible to confide in my new friends at university who don't understand.

i'm not sure i will ever be able to let myself go and actually think i'll ever get anything i love as much again. I am low on self esteem and i look at myself and feel disgust.

I'd like to add that the insecurities she felt led her to believe i had cheated on her at university, this was not true. It was messed up. We both sometimes played games about hanging with other girls/boys. Hands up , me more than her. but it was a two way thing. My effort plighted the relationship completely and she deserved better. i can't forgive myself.

I can relate to most of the things you are saying, I kinda went through a similar thing and is still hurting.. Unfortunately I don't have a timemachine or any good advice, but it made me a little bit happier to read your story and know I'm not alone out there.. So thanks for that anyway ^^

You're 20. Don't worry about it. Besides your tom the bomb! Mary Jane will be there for you way more than any other girl will.

I can relate to a lot of you, I was in my 20's when I left my ex. I just gave up because she wouldn't talk to me when I bought up topics that I need closure on. I've recently felt sad because I've started to miss her a lot now. she is married and while I have a girlfriend of 3 years now I just cant stop to regret leaving. I was young and dumb and should have tried to talk it out. After we broke up we spoke a little but then she moved out of state and I lost contact of her. she then married to someone who beat her. I found that out when I ran into her on Facebook in 2010. she was then divorced for about two years and just gotten married to her current husband. I was single in 2010 and we talked for a few days then I think she felt guilty talking to me and just stop and now I really just for some reason really miss her. She was my first girlfriend. I feel really dumb for not being about to get over her. I really do but god why wont it just stop. she don't even live in this state at all. I feel empty at heart. I remember every detail of that day down to the time. I wish I could talk to her. not spill my guts but really tell her I sorry and I was so wrong leaving and end it at that.

thank you all for reading.

I feel sorry for your current girlfriend wasting her precious time on someone that's pining over another girl. Set her free

This guy thinks life is black and white.

It's good to know that I am not the only one experiencing this. I feel relieved actually. I am 24 and I already have a new boyfriend and a wonderful daughter but I still can't get over my ex boyfriend after almost 2 years. I thought I already moved on but I still can't get him off my mind. We've been together for almost 3 years, he's in a band and he went to another country to pursue his career and to earn. I followed him hoping to get a job there so we can be together but turns out he already met someone else. I was in denial and blinded. I still believed him and trusted him. I went back home but I still tried to work on our long distance relationship but eventually lies and doubts took over. We didn't have a formal break up we just stopped communicating with each other and that was it. It's so hard to forget him especially when i hear the songs he used to sing to me and sometimes I even watch his videos because I miss him so bad. Until now I still have this hanging feeling, what ifs, buts, shoulda woulda couldas. My current boyfriend is wonderful but I feel like what I had and felt for my ex can never be replaced by anyone. I feel like he is my soulmate. I still hope and pray that one day we'll see each other again. :(

And if you do what'll happen to your current fool? Will you just discard him? Poor guy, try to be a human and tell him the truth and let him find true love not some self absorbed cretin that will end up hurting him.

So much heart ache here! I balled throughout reading everyone's posts! I thought I'd share my experience after reading everyone's posts. I realised recently that I can't keep fighting the memories and urges of love and telling myself to get over him! So I decided to try another tactic that it will be okay to let myself love my ex. It was 9 years of ups and downs I need to celebrate the fact that I was lucky enough to have had this time with the love of my life. I was diagnosed with a chronic illness ms and a few years into it I lost myself piece by piece and destroyed everything around me. We shared amazing life experiences that can't be repeated. I don't think there is this exclusive club but we all seem to be more sensitive souls and will take longer to heal than some. It's been 3 years since it ended. I can't believe he got married when I wanted that and he always said we didn't need a piece of paper! So whilst I work hard, keep busy, it's probably better not to fight the urge of love for him as that just makes it worse so Im going to keep allowing myself to love him in the moment of thinking of him and then drop it to get on with my day. It's truly amazing how many memories we made that come back in the strangest situations. I do make myself crazy sometimes though thinking unhealthy thoughts like being together when we are old and grey! And the time thing someone mentioned above is something I keep getting and roll my eyes at it now it's so frequent! I get strange signs all the time that don't actually mean anything but I clutch my chest like I'm about to die of broken heart and wish the pain away! He is married now so I couldn't contact him ever again. And all our friends deserted me so I suppose it's hard to rebuild. I guess a truly broken heart is always broken so I just need to learn how to keep loving with it. Let's hope I lose my memory completely! Maybe post traumatic stress but there's a name for everything. My family have also disowned me in their hearts. Got to pull a lucky card one day?! I think forgiving yourself is also a struggle and a necessity to move forward. Here's hoping to less tears and more laughs for all here!

Hope the best for you. I think you need you more than anyone else right now. Love yourself

Hey,

You shouldn't feel pathetic, I'm almost 23 and I still have feelings for my first "serious" boyfriend who I was with aged 16 - 17. I'm currently in a 2 year relationship with someone that I really care about but something about my ex won't let me let go. It's been over 7 years now and we aren't even on good terms. I've only seen him a handful of times in the last 5 years and we're like strangers but my heart flutters and I'm always left wondering if... I feel like in the past we were just kids and we made so many mistakes and it's just a shame. In a way I just wish I could stop feeling like this.. thinking of him, occasionally dreaming of him, looking him up on Facebook and feeling gutted when I realise he's with someone new... comparing myself to her and so on. He's never coming back to me and I know this attention could be going on my boyfriend who is a lovely guy and deserves the best but I don't now, everyone seems to just tell me that you never fully get over your first love. It's a weird one. I just feel full of regret. Totally relate to your story, hopefully we'll all be able to get closure eventually!

So you're saying being with Someone else didn't help you get over your first love? Maybe you should tell your current bf how you feel and let him get a chance at true love.

Just guessing, but given all your responses, I can tell that you were that guy. You were the guy that was in a relationship with someone who was in love with someone else. See, now I would never do that to someone. I've been in love and completely single for 12 years pining over one man that I will never have. Guys have tried to date me time and time again, but my heart is shattered. Which is more pathetic? Trying to move on with another man or staying forever broken and single?

Hi all I am 21 I came across this forum and it's so nice to see everyone supporting one another on here, my first love recently entered my life, he had left me with no explanation at 15, we had been on and off for 4 years it was an extremely tough time. 6 years later he finally had the guts to apologise and ask for me back. He had met so many women but nothing like what we had. We had a rare connection I have seen somebody else mention that on this forum, is this true love? I have a boyfriend now of nearly 2 years but do not feel the same way as I did with my first, it's sad

It's sad for your new guy...

I've been to so many threads and chat room forums, which I found mean, judge mental and harsh. This seems like a warm atmosphere. I've read some of your stories and it breaks my heart cuz I too am struggling and that your truly not alone. Anyone can tell you "get over it". He or she isn't worth it. And they are truly right, but what they don't seem to realize is, they haven't been in our shoes, heartbreak yes, but not the exact one we are going thru and that it may take from one month to years to get thru it....maybe never! So please, never let anyone make you feel bad about what your going thru....ever! You can't help the way you feel. As long as your living your life, crying over an ex is normal, no matter how many years have passed. I'm just greatful I found this and can relate....my story is pretty devestating. My thoughts are with all of you :)

Yes crying over an ex is normal, crying and pining over an ex while you're in a new relationship is not normal but completely abhorrent.

It has been 18 years (yes, eighteen!) since I was with my love. Rarely has a day passed that I have not thought of him. He is my first thought when I wake up in the morning and the last before I close my eyes at night. We had a deep, rare emotional connection that I believe only happens once in a lifetime.

Shortly after I opened a facebook account, he sent me a friend request and told me he thinks of me often. I could not respond because we are both married, and I believe we would be at high risk for an "emotional affair." I could never do that to my husband.

Someone posted on this thread that what we are experiencing is obsession and not love, but I do not agree. I do not exhibit obsessive qualities in any other aspect of my life. I married late in life and therefore dated a lot of men, and seeing pictures of any of them with their wives does not bother me in the least. However, with this particular man when I saw his facebook picture with wife and child, it felt as though someone kicked me in the stomach. I cried tears like I had not cried since we initially broke up.

I have tried everything to get over this man: exercise (to increase endorphins), meditation, prayer, journaling, and even counseling. Nothing has worked.
I am slowly accepting that I love this man with every inch of my soul, and the love simply will not die.

Thank you to all of you who have shared your stories. It has brought me some comfort to know that I am not crazy and others are experiencing the same thing.
I agree with the poster below: We are members of an exclusive club, whether we want to be or not.

You sleep next to a man while you think of another one? Sounds healthy.

YOU don't sound healthy.

Only 13 more years!! You can do it! "Life is what's happening while you're busy making other plans." You know? Life...

Idiot without a clue about the complexities of the heart.

I agree, if they are 'the one' you cant let go. I have spent almost 18 years without a relationship since we broke up, no one could ever replace her. I still think of her every day and she sometimes visits my dreams. I saw some recent pictures of her on the internet and no wedding ring. Maybe I should do something, may the lord grant me the courage. God bless

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Also September 13th was the date we began dating. I see 9:13 on the clock all the time. I swear to God I do not look for it. I look at the clock and what do you know-the memory of that moment we made it official comes back to me at least twice a day. It's been happening for the last ten years no lie!! I roll my eyes when I see it now a days. I believe it's a sign.

Yes a sign of mental illness.

You need help, trustnobitches.

Me too. I'm deeply in love with my ex. I left him when I was 18. After ten years I still only want him. It was (for me) love at first sight. I followed him around like a puppy in high school. I worked hard for him to love me back. We were together for 3 years and I even lived with him at his parents' house. My family didn't know him enough to like him and didn't want to try. I left him to gain their acceptance of my decisions, only to fall in a deep hole with my life. Now after many years of ups and downs and a couple other men, he is still on my mind as he always has been. I had seen him a few times in person, no communication, and each time it brought tears to my eyes. My heart would go crazy each time. I want to shout to the world that I love him more than anything but I can't. He is with someone, married I think. I've researched soul mates and feel like he really is mine. Everyday I make a wish that he would call me.

Researched soulmates? No kidding? Can you share that link?

A**hole

I am in this same situation. 10 years. He now dates someone in my extended family so I have to see him sometimes at holidays etc. I am happily married with kids so that's that. I am not a cheater so we just avoid each other because it's too risky. Just sucks that mutual friends have told me he feels the exact same way about me. It's like we are forced to live our lives apart. It is SO hard to be around him.

havent even tried with anyone since exgf broke up/moved away 8 years ago. hoping for a day when i dont think of her. she has her own family now and my biggest regret is not talking to her when she reached out, shutting her down. she never knew how important she was to me and i figured if i prevented her from entering my life again i would just get over it....that was 4 years ago. i was too scared to admit how much she meant to me and lost her forever.

Sounds like my lol situation. I moved and tha deal was I'm movin back for us. And when I moved back I got shut down and I sometimes wonder if he ever thought about me. And now I moved on I guess... I have a family. I love my kids but I wud trade tha new one in for tha old one any day :) lol. I try not to think about him but it never works. He told me he put my heart in a box on a shelf and all I really want is that box so I can get my heart and move on lol

By tha new one and old one I meant bf. Or not new. Current really.

Oh yeah that makes it better.

Anyone notice how it's only one person being mean on here? This guy is unhappy.

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It has only been 1 month since I broke up with my girlfriend, but I love her deeply and I feel like I will never get over her.

I have dated other girls and been sad when we have broken up. But it has never been like this before. I think about her every single day for hours on end, my productivity for life in general has greatly diminished.

I have spoken to her via Facebook messenger only a couple of times since the breakup but it seems like she has moved on and is doing really well.

Again, it's only been 1 month, but it feels like that could quickly become 1 year, 5 years &amp; 10 years. Does anyone have any advice for how to move on now?

Yes, take as long as you need and don't get into another relationship and hurt an innocent person to appease yourself until you can truly love them.

I'm in the same boat here, it's been 4 years for me. I just simply can't get over my ex wife, I've been with someone for the past year selfishly thinking it would cure me, but it actually made everything worse. I think of my ex wife everyday even when sleeping or having sex with my present girlfriend. I want to end this.

You should

I came across this article thinking wow, I thought, this is, was, me too. There’s so much pain and suffering in these posts and I can honestly say that I do understand. Really! I understand how painful it is to be so obsessed with someone that you get plunged into a soul crushing depression to the point where you think, hmm, suicide? Why is it the only soothing thought? I wouldn’t be brave enough to do it and I hope you’re not either. I was in relationship for 3 years, it ended badly and became obsessed for the next 6 years. On top of that, she found a boyfriend that worked in the same floor as I did and we were in contact while I tried moving on. I did wrong too, a lot. So I’ll be fair and say that I was the one that broke it off, then regretted it, then it was too late. But rather than commiserating I’ll try to give you some advice and perspective from another angle. It’s easy for someone to say ‘Get Over It’! But let’s face it, not all of us are wired the same. Some of us have deeper emotions than others, are prone to addictive behaviour patterns or haven’t had enough life experience in these matters to know there are better opportunities out there. You are not the problem, your mind is! This is the most fundamental point I can make to you. You are complete as you are, you don’t need another person to fulfil you or make you love again, to need to fill a gap or thinking they were the best thing and you missed out, etc. You have thought about this person for so long that your brain has hardwired neuron paths that habitually make you do the same thing you have done, for years. Why do you think smokers, alcoholics and sex addicts can’t quit so easily? You need to undo this. And you can. You just need to take control over your mind, silence it and make it your tool. It’s what it’s meant to be. Try to awaken to your real Self. The real you is not those thoughts that whirl around in your mind and make you feel horrible. In fact, the hurt you feel is your body telling you that something is wrong, stop thinking of it or I’ll hurt. Doesn’t it make sense? It’s just like a bruise when someone hits you, only mental/emotional. Get help if you have to. In fact, you must, since it’s been so long. You have unreleased pain inside you that’s associated with this little story of yourself. That’s all it is, a story, not your life. Talk to this person and tell them all you never did, release, if you can’t talk to them email them. If you can’t do that, imagine them in your mind and say it to them, scream it out if you have to and get it out. Find out what’s inside you that you need to do in order to get that feeling out of your own SELF. Don’t look externally. That person is not the image you have created in your mind. You give them way too much credit and place them on a pedestal. Empower yourself and stop being a slave to your thoughts. They won’t come back and they’re not meant to. You outgrew each other and you’re meant for different experiences. They’re living theirs while you’re not making room for yours. Don’t talk about them to others, you might feel a little better but you’re only prolonging the moving on process. Don’t try to find out where they are, what they’re up to, etc. These thoughts are like a crying child that what attention, they won’t stop crying until you try to soothe them. Don’t pay them attention and they’ll get quieter. It will take time, but it will. For going above your thoughts and getting to know how we humans work try reading Echkart Tolle – The Power of Now. Do whatever it takes to get your mind in order. Good luck and I hope you find peace inside!!!

Great advice. Too bad it'll be unheeded.

I am sorry for what you are feeling! The same thing happened to me! Its very difficult!

It's been 5 years....since 2008. Everyday since.....not a day has gone buy I don't think of him. I had a bad childhood and I married at 18 to escape that. Only I escaped into a horrible abusive marriage. When I divorced, I went on a path of self discovery and self love. Only I met a man persistent about being with me. We were good friends for a while before I gave in to try a relationship. It was the only time I ever felt at peace in my life. The only time I felt that love. But unfortunately he never knew that because I still needed to fix myself. I messed up often, I had no ambition or will. He wanted me to get a college degree, find a better job than bartending or serving. I always resisted thinking all he ever wanted to do was change me. But all he ever wanted was for me to see my full potential. I held a lot of demons in me that I needed to face and not hide behind him. We broke up, I guess he knew I needed to do that on my own. Now 5 years later, I have confidence, I have a nursing degree, I don't have that deep inner pain I fought all my life anymore. I am at peace with myself with the past but not with love. He moved on with another woman and has been with her for 4 years now. I am glad he is happy. I would never take that from him. I love him so much that all I care about is his happiness before mine. But I do wonder if he ever thinks of me like I do him. I was his first love, and he mine. He's exactly the man I dreamed to be with. He may not be considered "hot" in society... But he's the most beautiful man I have ever laid my eyes on...those green eyes. If only we had met now instead of then. He taught me so much. To value myself. In those years apart, I gave birth to a child. What people don't know is I moved back to the state where he was from to do all I could to run into him and win him back.... Only to hear he was with someone else. I was devastated, so I felt lonely and torn and dated a man briefly to keep myself busy and to hide from it. I left him 2 months later when I realized I was better than that and I would never settle again. When my true love and I broke up he made me promise to never settle for less. I wanted to kept that promise. I found myself pregnant after that. I knew the moment I found out I would be a soloParent. I found out the guy I was briefly with was into drugs. It later escalated into hard drugs like heroin. He's now in prison. I have not seen him since we broke up years ago. The child I gave birth to....gave me a reason to live and the will to be motivated. My demons gone. After I got my degree, I met a nice kind man who treated me and my child with the world. We got married and now have a child together. I needed to try to move on and love for my child. I often feel guilty because I know I will never love like I know I can love again. I still think of him often. I still hope a lot. I know it will never be. Too much has happened now to ever reconcile. I learned one thing in nursing school. When you reach the end of your life, as you lay dying, your body begins to hallucinate. To help transition to death. As my professor spoke all I could think about was that when the time comes one day, my passing will be beautiful because I will see him. It won't matter if it's just a hallucination but I will see his beautiful green eyes again..........

It's so refreshing to know that I'm not alone in this battle. It's been 25 years since me and my ex have been together. The reason that we broke up was because her family was moving away to another state because her father had gotten a job promotion. FYI, I found out from her when we re-connected back in 2010 that the only reason she broke off the relationship back then was because I was a senior in high school (she was a sophomore) and the thought of me going off to college and meeting another girl would break her heart. She claimed that she tried so hard to pretend that she didn't care about me when it literally tore her up everyday for a long time that she really wanted to still be with me (although it didn't seem that way to me being on the receiving end of her hardened attitude). Of course as a male, it was unpopular to let a woman know how you were truly feeling so I never expressed to her how I was hurting and wanted her back because she was my soulmate. We both eventually married other people (though her marriage ended at about 15 years) and though I truly love my wife, I still can't get over my ex. I believe that after our re-connection and the fact that we both are still madly in love with each other, she couldn't bare the fact of us only being good friends, so for a second time in my life she has distanced herself and will no longer take my phone calls, emails or texts. She is truly the one that got away because in our 7-8 months of dating, we only had one disagreement and she ultimately apologized to me when she discovered that she was wrong in what she was perceiving at that time. I just want her to know that I will love her as long as I live, but I just want her to be happy in her life pursuits.

She sounds insane. Try to make the best of your current relationship.

God! Your trolling is working. You're so nasty and horrible, just going around the thread being 'holier than thou' and criticising people for the way they feel. As if you can turn emotions on and off. Also, it is possible to love more than one person. You'rr just coming across as bitter. This is a thread to support each other, not tear them down.

i am afraid now i love a guy relationship was too short .... but for entire year i missed him... we are already splitted pls suggest me how not love him anymore.....

Screw a camel...