Still Not Over My Ex-boyfriend After 10 Years

Hi, new here want to tell u my story.

I met an amazing person when I was 16.. Everything I ever wanted in a boyfriend... Gorgeous, funny, loyal, was in a band! (Guitarist mmmmm!! Lol) great friend, just AMAZING!!! Well, we was together for nearly 2 years. During that time my mum was suffering from cancer and she died :( he was amazing during that time and so was his family.... Well I never got along with my dad, he was always abusive growing up, I hated him (still do) was v depressed after my mum and everything... looking bk i was completly lost. cut a long story short... I re met a old pal from my youth (he moved away then moved back) I met up with him n stuff. I finished with my 'perfect boyfriend' coz he was gonna give up going to uni to b with me... I couldn't do that 2 him,, so instead of being honest... I just ended it and he assumed it was coz of my old mate, which i let him believe... Well a couple if wks passed n I found out he was with sum1 else (re bound... I knew it!!) so I got with my mate......... (Mistake!!!) all the time I was thinking about my 1 true love! I ended up pregnant and marrying this guy...(bigger mistake!) I was physically and mentally abused for years.. I finally left after having 2 kids 7 yrs later... I jumped into another relationship with a really great man... Only problem is, that he isn't my 1st love... The only person I ever truly cared for and love with all my heart.... I have tried to be friends with him an he hates me :( it breaks my heart... It has been nearly 11 yrs and he won't give me the time of day... I know things will never go bk to how they were... But the day I lost him, I lost my best friend... I will never stop loving him. And even though I have found a loyal caring man I feel I can never give him my all because I will always love my ex... I know it's my fault the ways things ended and I'm forever kicking myself for being so stupid, I think I just need closure and I will b ok, but he won't give me the time of day.... It's true what they say.... You will NEVER get over your 1st love.... I feel for all of you.... This is the biggest pain I have ever felt... Heartbreak is literally a physical pain that will never go away... :-(

I'm going thru a similar situation. My ex and I dated for 10 years off and on. We have two daughters. The relationship ended ten years ago after I gave birth to my last daughter and after learning he impregnated two women. One of the women showed up at my home on night. That's when I realized this was not the life I wanted for me or my girls. Although our relationship was over, I felt that the relationship between him and his daughters would be strong. He rarely sees them twice a year and almost never calls them. Our oldest daughter is graduating from high school in a few weeks and I'm indecisive about notifying him of the dates.What's really confusing to me is that I still miss him at times and I think about him daily. His family has invited me to many family gatherings. I do not attend because it is hard for me to see him, especially with someone else eventhough I know that we can never Be together again. I will continue to pray for him. I wish him good health and happiness, I'm so ready to have a healthy relationship for myself.

Is this still a recent conversation going on?

Wow- I thought I was the only one! Been 22 years for me. Thought he was the love of my life till he got another woman pregnant! His reason "you are not athletic enough and don't have a college degree. I want a successful wife who earns as much money as me"

Fast forward 20 years- he and his wife are both overweight and out of shape, wife stays at home with their 3 kids. She has never worked outside the home despite her college degree. I did finish college and have a decent job and have been married for 20 years. I am in good physical shape and have not gotten fat. Despite this, I think of my EX every single day.

I stalk his wife on facebook, look up their house on google earth. Stalk his brothers and sisters on facebook. Look at his kids pictures. All the while thinking "this should be MY life! I should be the stay at home mom! i should have that house!"

It is INSANE. I feel like a crazy person.

About 7 years ago HE called me after I contacted his sister on myspace. He asked me if I was still 110 pounds. When I said "yes, and i work hard at it" he said he e was going to be in Richmond and would LOVE to take me to dinner! I immediately said NO! There was no way I was having dinner with him and have to listen to how wonderful his life is. Then he would try to put the moves on me and then what???

I contacted his sister and told her what had transpired. I told her I had no desire to hook up with him so he could USE me once again. No thank you, i dont trust or like him. I never heard from him again.

Crazy thing is I am still jealous of him and what could have been. What is wrong with me????

I'm sorry to read so many stories about your pain, and how you haven't been able to move on past a certain relationship.

However, I tell you that for the most part, that's not a sign of true love, or unconditional love, but simply an obsession and you are confusing it with love. You think that the fact that you still think about that person, and hurt after that person, that you must love them. But the truth is that thinking and hurting after someone not always equal to love. We are used to equating thinking about someone a lot with loving them, but again, that is not the essence of love.

At the end of the day only you can break free from that pain and attachment, no one else can do it for you.

I used to feel similar, although it wasn't as extreme as some of the stories I've read here, about a particular ex. We had been together for almost 2 years, and for the next 6 years I was still thinking about him and the "perfect" relationship we've had.

The point is you can get stuck on someone because you have idealized them, or because you feel guilt (you think you've messed up that perfect relationship), when deep within your heart you are afraid to love again (this can be unconscious, and you might be afraid to love because you would feel more guilty about how you messed up the relationship with your ex, or because you don't want to get hurt again) and your ex is actually a safety valve for you.

The point is that after 6 years I had a chance to get back with my "perfect" ex, but that's when I finally was able to get over him. At first I thought that the fact that we both hadn't forgotten each other after such a long time meant that we were made for each other... but then I realized that wasn't it. We never truly got back, but I was able to see that the relationship ended because of both of us, and not only because of me. I stopped feeling guilty, and idealizing him. He is a wonderful person, and I still love him (always will) and wish the best to him, but that doesn't mean I want to be in a relationship with him anymore. I'm not obsessed with him anymore, and I was the only one capable of bringing that change. It simply took a change in perspective. When I started seeing things from a different point of view, when I realized that relationships are there to learn and grow, when I learned to love myself, to accept that I'm not perfect, and that it is okay to make mistakes as long as you learn from them, then I was able to move on.

Another exercise you can do is think about this, you really believe you love this ex right? Your love must be unconditional and pure right? Well, when love is unconditional you want the best for that person whether it involves you or not, correct? Imagine that this ex of yours is in the same situation you are, they haven't been able to move on, but it involves someone else, not you. They are in pain, and suffering because of someone else. Do you want to see that ex suffering like you are suffering? Don't you wish the best for them? (If not then you really don't love him/her) How would you help this person you love to move on?

Well, whatever you would do to help someone you care about to move on, is what you need to start doing towards yourself to move on. Love yourself unconditionally so that you can love others the same way. Do not get stuck on one single person. You don't have to stop loving people who have been special in your life, but you don't need to obsess over them anymore. Only you can liberate yourselves.

I hope some of you realize this and are able to forgive yourselves, and to move on. Love yourselves unconditionally, so that you can love others as much as you love yourselves.

Its 13 years for me now - I still have recuring dreams where I meet up with my ex again since we split and all that chemistry is there, it feels amazing and I get to say everything I've wanted to say for the last 13 years, and make all my apologies and we agree to give it another go - and it feels wonderful for a moment then in the dream he always just disappears or I can see him in a crowded room and we get separated and I spend the rest of the dream trying to reach him before i wake. I never do. I wake up and feel sick about the decisions and indecisions i made that lead our break up. That dream always opens those wounds like they are new - the sense of loss is intense.

Oh goodness me.
I thought I was the only one who felt like this. Obviously not.
The other night I was sorting through my jewelry box and I found a hand written letter sent to me via snail mail from Canada. I am in Australia. I met this man online. I adored him and he adored me and I hurt him terribly. And naturally he wanted nothing to do with me. With good reason. After finding the letter, I wondered if he still had the email from that time, so I emailed him. He replied with two words. I was shocked as I thought I wouldn't get anything, so I replied back and since then I have heard nothing.
I adored this man and I still do. I never did say it to him, but he was and is the love of my life. I have had relationships since and nothing has stuck. I thought I was stupid still having the feelings I do, but since the very day we stopped talking, a part of me has been missing. Nothing quite fits or completes me. I don't want to get into another relationship and I am now even more adamant now knowing he is out there somewhere. I don't even care if he is in a relationship and cannot be with me. Or even wants to. I just can't let him go.
I believe in miracles and for this, this would be a huge miracle ... I will never stop loving or caring for this man and I never stopped. All the men I have been with since him have all said the same thing, 'something or someone has your heart, because you are not giving anything ...' and they would be right.
I never wanted to admit to myself that this may be true, but it is.
I just don't know what to do ... I will respect him and leave him alone but I will NEVER stop loving him.

As the other comments also show, you are not alone, but I'm afraid that's about as much comfort as can be given.

I met her 13 years and 5 months ago. We never even actually dated; I fell in love with her the day I met her, but due to some -in retrospect misguided- sense of duty couldn't act on it in the first few weeks. She hooked up with a good friend of mine and over the course of the next year or so, we became close friends. I tried for the sake of my friend to ignore my feelings (after all, I thought at the time this was just a crush), and we saw each other more and more often, at one point every single day of the week for months on end.

After a while of this I couldn't take it any longer and confessed my feelings to her. And it turned out she had had them too, right from the start. But she also loved her boyfriend (of more than a year at that point). We went through quite a difficult time, not knowing what to do, but not wanting to not see each other anymore, culminating in her spending the night. Nothing happened (coincedentally, my friend -her boyfriend-, had a very similar experience before he met her with another girl who slept with him then decided not to leave her boyfriend). And so it went; the next morning she declared she really wouldn't leave him and gave me a farewell gift. The fact that she had it told me she planned it from the start. I know I should've severed all ties back then but I just couldn't. Later she confessed to me that even though it wouldn't have changed anything, she really did want me to make a move, and couldn't believe I hadn't.

I convinced myself very hard that I was over her, and after a couple of years met someone else. Beautiful, smart, full of life. We dated for five years but there was always this other girl in the back of my mind, but I had almost completely convinced myself that I was over her.

Then she did break up with my friend, and almost immediately found someone else (or maybe this time it was because she found someone else that she left him). I felt completely torn between loving my own girlfriend and feeling bad for myself that she would leave her boyfriend for this other guy, while she hadn't for me, and hated myself for it. Why couldn't I just be happy with this awesome beautiful smart and sweet girl that loved me, and never hurt me? Do I just like the pain of a lost love?

Fast-forward a few years more, my girlfriend and I broke up, for several reasons, but mostly because I just couldn't attachi anymore. This was now six years ago and I have been alone since. I've met some people, and went on a number of dates, but could never get myself to step into another relationship again. This ex quickly met someone else, and is now (I suppose) happily married, and I have no hard feelings about that at all.

And then a few months ago she broke up with *her* long relationship, and moved out. We still saw each other every few weeks or so (again, I should have stopped this a long time ago, but still couldn't) but I had originally convinced myself that I really was over her, but this of course gave me hope and dreams again, even though the frequency of us hanging out didn't change, and I still realized she had lost her feelings for me.

And this morning she told me she has again met someone else. Or well, she told me she had news, and due to some other recent happenings I know what this news is. I knew this day would come, and would come soon, and still she manages to make me feel ill for choosing someone else over me. I know I shouldn't feel the way I do, and again I hate myself for it. I like to think I am too rational for this to bother me this much, after all this time, but obviously I am not.

We are meeting the day after tomorrow. I hope I'm strong enough to make this the last time.

But I doubt it.

Boxing Day 1995 we split up, I was 21, and I still think about him! Almost 20 years! As I remember it, we had one argument, that was all, after just over 3 years of going out together, and I never heard from him after that. I was devastated. I wrote him a card a few days later (becuase I hadn't heard from him) saying that I missed him etc and got no reply, so I assumed he just didn't want to know me any more. It all hurt so much. I couldn't think about anyone else, I just wanted him. Fast forward 8 years and he sends me a letter saying that it would be nice to meet up, but it was bad timing, there was this guy who'd decided that I was the one for him and he wasn't going to let anything get in the way. So, I decided that I wouldn't meet up with my ex bf as there was a good chance he'd not want to get back with me or that I'd just get hurt all over again and it would have definitely kippered the new relationship. Why had it taken 8 whole years for him to get back in touch? Surely that must have meant he didn't love me that much, or he would have got in touch sooner, so what good would it do seeing him again?

Now I'm not so sure though, perhaps I should have met up with him, it may have given me closure, because now I'm married with 2 children and I still feel the same about him. I never thought it would be this bad.

Im going on the ten year mark and im still not over my ex. I recently got engaged to someone else to seem like I moved on but I havent. It sucks to know I will always dream of being with someone else.

Its been two years since you posted...how are you doing now? I was with a guy when I was 20 I am now 25..we were together for a short time...we both thought we were going to get married. I introduced him to my parents which I have never done prior....I fell in love with him, and I have yet to feel such an intense connection. Purely electrical. I thought I was over it about a year ago I started dating another guy...and I fell in love with him...and I was thrilled that the painful saga was over, but then me and the new guy broke up...I moved on...and the ghost of the past of 4 yrs ago came rushing back....into my mind and dreams...I think about him all the time...I have tried everything to move on...I am even in a new relationship now for the past 7 months, and yet he still occupies my mind....recently I got in touch with him and met up to talk ...we spoke for 2 hours...and I havent seen him since we broke up....I thought perhaps I needed closure and that talking to him would help me heal and figuring out why he left, but no it made no difference, and I am still stuck....so I understand how you feel...

omg i feel the same its been over 3 year for me me and my ex were going so well but all of a sudden he just ended it said he didnt love me anymore i was so confussed! but i met the kindest guy got married and had a child but the thing is i still really miss my ex i feel like im cheating in a way... to make hisgs worse he texts me occasionally and fbs me telling me it should of been us to gt married and have a child n that he lies when he said he didnt love me i really cant stop thinking about him its been 3 month since we last spoke :/

its even worse when you have a child that looks like them that you get to look at every day. knowing that she is ya'll dream...life plan. And then to see his new fiance who is EXACTLY like me. talks like me, acts like me, looks like me.....its like a clone.

Hi!so I was engaged to be married loved the guy with all my heart ;anyways to make a long story short he cheated and I eventually left! This happened in 2008 I started dating somone else but never did it feel as intense as it did with my fiance I always compared my new relationship to this! We were so connected and have and intense love great sex and fun! It's been 5 years since I left! I ran into him the other day and we went on a date and talked about past and had sex! We separated at 25 and now are 30..he claims he changed we talked about how no other relationship compared to ours! We are both single!!! Do you think he could change after all we are older and wiser!

How r u doing today I feel your pain I'm been suffering for yrs I miss my ex to...

iit been 3 yrs he has a kid and it kills me that he with someone. When we talk it very there that we both love each other still yes it bad he cheated on her before with me

Jjust wondering if I will ever heal and how do I get I over him.

It hurt that's he goes to her family things . I know I need help to get over him not unsure what to do.

Help

I have suffered for several years over my first love. He severely shattered my heart & left me just a few weeks before our wedding day. A few months later I found out he was marrying someone else & he even brought his bride to be to my mothers to see if he could rent one of her houses out to a friend. After hearing about that I married a guy I didn't love or even know so I didn't have to feel the pain anymore. Today I have a kid by the man I married and another on the way, but I'm still heart broke I still think about him everyday & occasionally check him out on Facebook. I'm not a plain Jane but I am a dumb women even after 7 years, I wish I would forget about him! The worst part is I know deep down that he doesn't care about me now & he didn't care about me then!

I'm here tonight because it's my ex's birthday. It's been almost nine years since we broke up. Just wish I could heal.

It is some comfort to realize I'm not the only one. I wish all of you out there peace and healing.

Reading everyone's comments highlights the differences and similarities we can experience.

It's harder when you can't face what your feeling and you don't know where to put the hurt. You fight for something for so long only to have to face the fact that the relationship has ended and things will never be the same, especially when a third party is involved.

It's also harder when you have kids because you remain in contact. Reading everyone's comments encourages me of the importance of letting go!! and trying to move on. I don't want to waste another day thinking about what could have been. I want to move on!!

I know I will eventually because I'm not going back!

I send peace and love to all you broken hearted...everything happens for a reason and you may have been saved from a bigger hurt than you feel now as a result of your break up....

live and love!!

Googling this topic must be proof I'm in the same place. I date and feel nothing most of the time. I cry often wanting my old life back and it's been nearly 2 yrs since my fianće and I broke up. Occasionally I've started to have feelings for someone new I was dating but they fizzle and instead of crying over them I go back to crying about the ex. The chemistry was powerful and something I'd never experienced. The breakup I didn't see coming. We got along abd did everything together. Then one day he just started acting cold and like that he ended it. For a year we every so often got back in touch and begged to go to therapy or do whatever. But atlas it wasn't meant to be. It still hurts. I've told myself I can't beat myself up and just accept that from time to time this hurts like it happebed yesterday. I just keep up with the rest of my life work family friends and try not to beat myself up when a meltdown happens. I feel hopeless about love some days but still get out there at give guys a chance. I know when I feel it ill know. Praying the guy I'm interested now is something real to me. That can let me go there again with someone new. I hope you feel a little better and just be ok with the fact that some days still really hurt and yes EVERYDAY I think about him too.

I met the love of my life my twin flame as i like to call him down the shore when I was 13. Right from the second I met him I knew i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. We spent the next two weeks glued to each others side. He even missed his twin sisters being born to spend more time with me. It was the most intense romantic happiest time in my life. However he lived far away from where i lived and when i went home we couldn't see each other. we talked all the time still he called me every night but we broke up not long after. I am now 24 I am decent looking so men are always chasing me, but i don't want anyone else and usually when think i do i end up comparing them to my "twin flame" and they don't come close to him. Ive recently found him on facebook he now lives across the country from me he's still single. we've been talking but he doesnt seem to want to work on things. It hurts alot and i cant help but to think that god is unfair. Im at the age where im seeing all my friends fall in love get married and have children. I hope one day hes willing to try and work on things because i know deep down he feels the same. And if not i really hope our souls have a chance together in another life

After 16 years separated from the person I would have done anything for we finally met again this year under very different circumstances and all our feelings have rekindled. He broke my heart so badly 16 years ago and we were in such a strange situation living on different continents, me a student, him a professional. We both married out next parters, he even married the woman he had cheated me for. She was vengeful towards me even though I had no idea about her existence until by chance I found a piece of paper with her name and number on it and gave her a call. She accused me of trying to steal him from her and began to spread lies about me with my colleagues as she knew where I worked. I made a final farewell phone call to him in 1996 and told him that I didn't want to talk to him again because I needed to get over him and that he had to ask his new partner to stop calling me and threatening me. He respected my request. For 16 years I kept track of him sporadically through his friends, but never once got in touch. Then last November we both lost very close family members and this triggered a need.

We started to email, eventually leading to phone calls. Taking the first call from him after so many years was really, really difficult and for a few days I just ignored his calls. Then finally I decided to be strong enough to hear his voice. Since then we have tried to meet when we can though still we are living so far away from each other, in Africa and Asia. Probably this distance is what will save us as neither of us wants to hurt our families with what has happened. Today he told me that he loves me, words I have waited 16 years to hear again. I am ecstatic, but also so wary and know that we cannot take this any further. And we will not. But I am simply so happy to know that after all this time he still cares for me even if he did do wrong to me back then. He says he could not have let me live in his country (civil wars and so on going on there...) and I guess he is right as that would not have worked out. I can see this in hindsight. I want all our friends to know that we are together again but know that I cannot. All these years have passed, and they often alluded to the fact that he had made a mistake and that he would be with me again one day. I always thought they were just being kind. Now I see that he must also have suffered in his own way for his manner of handling things when we were both much younger and more immature. About 4 years ago I did a clean out of most physical memories I had of him, as I had finally decided to marry my partner and figured there would be no going back at that stage. Now I just don't know. It is crazy that feelings can still be so strong after such a long time with no contact. I think it is a more common problem than people are aware of, since nobody talks about it.

I would never give up, some dreams can come true.

Well, I don't seem to be able to log into the account I opened yesterday and left the message below as valeryyy even if I am pretty sure of the email address I used, anyway… I suddenly thought that maybe some of you might be interested in knowing the esoteric meditation online school that helped me get over my ex. It's called MORYA FEDERATION . I'll have to seprate the link in order to avoid spam http:// www. moryafederation. net

Obviously every person has his/her own way and moment for healing but joining this online meditation school was what worked for me and helped me forget my ex boyfriend who I had missed so much for four years. It seems that in my case I needed to detach emotionally and not feel identified anymore with those feelings of love. I had to understand that the most precious thing in my life until then, my dream of love and those wonderful unique feelings were not going to be a part of me and my life anymore and rediscover life from a different perspective. It's so hard to let go when all your life philosophy and happiness is built on the concept of the love of your life.

I also understood that all the great people of the humanity had to renounce to things that meant their happiness sometimes: Jesus Christ, the apostles, Ghandi, etc., they were able to renounce to the personal love and to the feelings of attachment. While they were heading towards serving the humanity, I simply looked for my own healing. I have become a new person, much happier than before, discovered a new concept of happiness that does not revolve around the concept of meeting the love of my life. The incredible thing is that one doesn't even need that anymore in the same way, I still have romantic feelings of course and I value love relationships, and I would do my best if I was in one but I have learnt that personal love is just a part of a bigger love and instead of feeling that I have lost something I realize how much I have won.

Good luck to you athenalolita and to all of you!

I am one who has found my cure...

But first my story: I was 27 and had been alone for a few years when I met him. He was handsome, charming, interesting and decided to conquer me. I literally saw the world around me with different eyes a few hours later after we met in a café and exchanged telephone numbers and I was smiling to everybody. I said good bye to him and headed to my group meditation meeting that evening, telling my colleagues how happy I was because I had met him. I still remember how they became serious and when I asked why, the teacher told me: 'every relationship is a test...'

The first six months were the happiest of my life I had lived until then. I remember an afternoon when we were driving up in the mountains and I was feeling so happy, so complete like never before that I thought 'I am so happy now...that I could die' My dream of love that I had been waiting for so long, became true and there was nothing ever that could have overcome that.

After the first six months we started to have problems, he changed, our relationship changed and I couldn't adapt to less. We broke up, I suffered tremendously, we got back together but our differences were still there and I couldn't accept some, he couldn't accept others. We broke up again. I couldn't eat, I lost my sleep and my sleeping problems lasted a few good years. I wanted to have him in my life again but this time he didn't give me a chance. I called him, sent him text messages, he never replied. I stopped trying to speak with him after a year but missed him every single day for another three. I met a nice guy and for the first time in my life I started a relationship without being in love. Needless to say, this new relationship didn't have a chance because of me. It was like living with a ghost, his ghost. And I prayed every single day, every morning, every evening, I prayed to God to either bring him back in my life or to take away the pain. I sometimes prayed that if none of them was possible, I just wanted to die. There were so many days when I was feeling so much pain that I had to lie down and make up an excuse in front of my partner. I sometimes cried and this nice man never knew why. I wanted to tell him once when he asked but right then his phone rang and an old friend called him after 8 years without speaking to one another and I thought that I wasn't meant to tell him and kept hoping that things would improve.

Over the years my healing process had begun taking a spiritual form somehow because I really felt that I needed a miracle. And one day I found an esoteric spiritual school in internet and I subscribed to its program. I had searched all my life for a teaching that would fulfill me and never found one until then. I can't explain what happened...Maybe it brought me an instant vibration change and uplifted me. I discovered wonderful people that I felt we had a lot in common, I began studying and found answers to long time questions about life, about my family, about myself...I simply healed over the night!! It was a like I could finally detach of my old emotions and memories and also of my need of having those feelings of love in my life. For the first time I felt happy and complete without needing him or our love relationship. Life has never been a fairy tale but even if it’s far from being perfect I have been living life almost every day with a wonderful feeling. I think I found my Soul and God. And I have become a new happier more confident and wiser person since then. I even thought sometimes that I had to become a new person in order to forget him.

I separated of my boyfriend that I never could never love as I should have done, he has a new happy life and so do I. And as I said before the impossible happened: I succeeded to forget the love of my life and feel that I could be happy without him. He became just a memory with no feelings attached to it and has remained like that ever since.

May you all heal soon and completely and live a full happy life!

saw 74 what is your name?

Saw74 What is your name?

Oh wow..I can relate to all these stories!!! I met my first love in 1998 in the US and he was a french expat. We were head over heels in love, but suddenly he decided to move back to france. I could not travel because of my own immigration situation but we still maintain a long distance relationship (him coming every 3 months to see me in the US) for a week or so. I knew he always wanted to have children, I couldn't travel because of my stupid green card (Thank you homeland security)..in 2001, he came down to the US to tell me that he had an affair with a married woman and she ended up being pregnant..to make a long story short, we tried to get back together but we just couldn't because of my situation..she left her husband to move in with my ex..(i know he used to tell me he had nothing in common with her)..anyway, they now have 2 kids and living in south of france..i am still single and especially lately I am finding myself thinking about him - after 15 years.. I miss him terribly

I understand that hurt, that pain that makes your insides twist at the mention of his name. I met the love of my life when I was 18, he was in the military. We broke up 16 years ago, but I never stopped loving him. I got married, had a child, got divorced, got engaged again recently and had another child with my current fiancé. Then one day, out of the blue, we met online again. He never got married, told me that he never got over me and wanted to be friends. Time stopped for both of us, it was like 16 years never happened. We don't even remember why we broke up. He knows I have a family and engaged, yet we remain friends. We love each other and probably always will. We lead separate lives and I have an obligation to my family. But the friendship that we have now, although sometimes it hurts, means everything to us. Maybe one day, we say...Lord knows but I at least have him in my life, for us that is better than hurting apart.

You really aren't alone. I hope that this news can make you feel a bit better, as it has me.
Nor are ANY of the people on this page.
Honestly... Reading some of these stories was just so unbelievably familiar... Particularly (as is my case), when you're now married to someone else and so is your ex.
I hurt EVERY day... and it's been twelve years now.
And she did a horrible thing to me at the time, after having dumped me and then trying unsuccessfully to get me back (so I should be over her, right?)... and then I did a horrible thing to her -nothing physical, just verbal and written humiliation of one another- to hurt her back.
I fluctuated between anger and heartbreak then, and I still do now. I feel sick and depressed about her not still being in my life every single day of it.
Her father died earlier this month, and I can't stop thinking about her... even though I am fairly certain that she (and her family) despise me.
I hope she's all right one minute, and then, the next, I just feel anger at her.
Makes me feel as though I'm a psychopath, or something...
I love my wife and son so deeply. I don't want my ex- back, and I don't feel anger or hostility to the man she married. And I'm certain she loves her husband and child just as much. I just want to TALK to her to see her. To tell her that I'm sorry for what happened. I want this partly because I know it'll help me to move on, which I still haven't -as you can no doubt tell!
I tried writing to her a few years back, but (both of my) attempts went unanswered.
My friends and family all detest this woman because of what she did to me, so I can't tell them how I feel and how much pain I'm still in... twelve years on.
One respondent above says, "I will have to live with this pain for the rest of my life."
I actually started crying when I read that, because I feel EXACTLY the same thing EVERY single day.
How can I tell my wife this?
How can I tell anyone that I personally know?
But reading the posts here has, truly, made me feel somewhat better -even if it is for knowing the rather sad news that others hurt as I do.

It's been 6 years for me, but everything is as fresh as if it was all going on last week.
I met my love in 2003, when we were both 18, online, I was very low, to the point where I was contemplating suicide. He didn't know any of this, he just struck up a conversation with me, making me laugh and then we took it to voice chat... BAM, that was it, his voice wrapped around my heart and held it there, safe, calm. From that moment on, we talked almost 24/7, either through phone calls or the internet, I felt like I had known him all my life.
I went to stay with him for a week while his parents were away and I have never had a moment like it since, we cried together as we held each other, just because we felt relief, I could actually feel the hole inside me filling up just from being near him. I intended to ask him to marry me that weekend, I had no doubts in my mind I wanted to be with him forever.. but the ring didn't arrive at his house in time, so I was embarrassed, I couldn't ask him without the ring... so I didn't. I kick myself for that every day.
We had just under 3 amazing years together, he moved across the country to live with me and my parents, we were never out of each other's company if we could help it, if we did have to part for any reason, we would call or text each other the whole time, just because it hurt too much not to be in contact with each other.
Suddenly in 2005, an american online friend of his started making strange demands, she was mentally disturbed and had a massive crush on him, she told him if he didn't fly out to see her, she was going to overdose on her medication, she called him on the phone and made him listen to her taking them... her family were furious, they blamed him for her stunt, he gave in and said he'd go see her to stop it happening again. I was very jealous, but I didn't want her to kill herself, also I trusted him with all my heart.
He went, he was supposed to be staying a month, but since he had a three month open ended ticket she had paid for, as she had a LOT of money, she wasn't letting him change the date on the ticket to come home early, then her family told him they'd booked him on a cruise with them, since he was so good at cheering up their daughter, due to ship out a month later, so he came home for 30 days... then I didn't see him for another three months, he hardly even contacted me, I spent two weeks trying to get in contact with him, even driving to the airport on the day he was supposed to come home, but there was no sign of him. He had caught flu, or so he told me, the doctors wouldn't let him home yet, another two weeks. He missed my 21st birthday, it's the only birthday I can remember where I was truly sad and heartbroken.
Once he came home, something wasn't right, he was distant, we didn't have the same passion, the same fire, when he held me, it was like he wasn't really there.
He left me in 2006, a month before our 3 year anniversary, he told me he didn't want to come back home from his parent's house, that he didn't love me like he used to, I had planned an elaborate marriage proposal... I was devastated.
He moved to America a month later, four months after he dumped me, he had married his rich American friend.
They're together now, they have a huge house in NC, he has all the things he's ever wanted, he gives money to his mother so she could get away from his abusive alcoholic stepfather...
We talk sometimes online, but it is so difficult, I usually start crying, he's confessed that he still feels the same about me, that he never really stopped loving me, but he took the chance to save his family, to get out of the country, and I understand, I do, it just breaks my heart to think I can never ask him to be with me again, because that would be like asking him to give up helping his family, since his wife made him sign a pre-nup... the worst part is I have a boyfriend, whom I've been with over 3 years now, but I'm only with him because he reminds me of my ex in many ways, he's like a patch, to ease the addiction, it's awful sometimes, I find myself thinking just that and I feel so ashamed of myself, because it's not really fair, but my boyfriend loves me so much, while my heart still belongs to the man who saved my life.