These are edited copies of emails and texts I receive from dear friends. Meant to be personal, but somehow helped me in writing something. It has been an ordeal lately... to write. Not that there are too many thoughts... in fact, the faerie brain seems hollow."I think I've finally identified my predicament. Truth be told, a knight sort of wrung it out from the faerie. And I guess he knew for some time but letting me figure it out on my own. He's like that. Such a knight. ;p
I said I feel displaced, like I don't know where to belong. If there is a meaning of being lost, and I thought I've gone through this already... well, hello again.
Maybe I should write about this on ep. I've thought about it for some days now... but I stare at my Evernote on a blank page. =(
Maybe it's the season, too. Not really looking forward to it. Just want to get it over with. I'll be in this miserable apartment on the eve with just Brill. Sylph Jr will only be with me on the 26th, his birthday. I don't want to sound gloomy about it; but you have to admit it is very sad and pathetic.
Maybe it's my illness and the meds I'm taking. I want to get better but this illness will take 3 to 4 months least before recovery is noticeable.
Maybe it's the time off work... not really doing much with faerie time, and I've never been without anything to do. Things are usually neck high, swimming in a sea of unfinished tasks... and here I am now... just twiddling my thumbs".
When it was decided for us to live here, I wasn't up for it. But I belonged with my family, and so, I followed that intent.
For seven years, the only place I thought I belonged with was still with my family. Friends, work... all revolved around the family.
To belong is to find oneself... but I did not find me.
I only identified myself with my family.
After seven years here, my family fell apart.
Take that away, I am truly lost now where I belong.
And sadly, I am sill searching me.
I was told this...
"Your'e alone and haven't figured your life out. I saw this news report on these beagles used for medical testing. Never been out of a cage. Had to get used to the feel of freedom to move and grass on their paws...
And on a highlight, he added...
"And don't be afraid to come out of the cage, beagle".
I look around in my faerie cage.
I look outside... testing faerie feet on the snow-covered grass...
They say freedom is priceless.
It is not.
It comes with the price of courage.
And until one is ready to pay the full price, it makes this faerie a displaced beagle.