I Would Do It All Over Again..

Its been a year that i have been taking care of my dad who had a heart attack and stroke,now paralyzed on the right side of his body and he can no longer talk properly.. he understands whats going on around him, what happened to him and recognizes everyone who came to visit, but when he decides to talk its like his brain can no longer process it into words and he ends up saying sound/syllables instead that you really can't understand..its like he became a child again.. you have to feed him, bathe him, change his diapers and everything just like a child.... as a daughter i believe that this is the time we should repay all the hard work and sacrifices our parents have made for us when we're young so i decided and volunteered to take care of him with my own will, also i am a nurse so it was like already planned by God that i would take care of him.. my eldest brother also volunteered to help me, giving me allowance and all because i can't afford to look for a full time job because looking after dad is hard work enough lifting him up to his wheelchair and back to bed..i can say that we are not poor but we are not rich either, so every monthly budget is just enough to provide for our food, dad's meds and supplies like diapers,etc. and our bills..we are thankful that we are still able to make end meet..But there are days when he becomes so moody and throws things at me when we can't understand what he wants,and there are days also that he keeps on crying feeling sorry for himself..and i admit there are also days that i can't help myself and didn't mean to raise my voice at him because of exhaustion and i hate myself for doing that but i really can't help myself sometimes.This is the reason that we don't want to hire a caregiver to look after him instead because of his attitude, i am afraid they might do something to him when we are not watching... There are nights that i will think of my friends with jobs now and being able to go on vacations having fun, i envy them so much.. some of my friends have their own families now, i have been invited to weddings many times even baptisms of their babies,but i would rather not go because i am tired of explaining my situation again and again and why i still haven't got a job.. i know for some this is just a simple and pointless thing to worry about but i just want to share my feelings.. and yes! i am not a superwoman, i have the right to get tired from everything i've been doing and i think its normal.. >>>> Well,I am not complaining about where i am in my life right now, i am still thankful because my dad is still alive and i will still be able to kiss him everyday,when he is in a good mood ;-) .. i am still working as a nurse i can say, the difference is i just don't leave the house to go to work and my rate is a much lesser than what other people are earning,haha. but still i am happy that i am healthy and strong enough to look after him.. and if i'd have to live my life all over again, i would still be doing the same.. Family is the only constant thing in your life and at the end of the day, a loving family should find everything forgivable..
jobugs jobugs
22-25, F
Sep 24, 2012