Stuck Somwhere Inbetween My Dreams And Reality.

I try not to complain about my life..mostly because i have the power to change anything about it! I have recently moved away from my hometown and a lot of my family. I moved in with my mom, so i have her,  but i have not found the same happiness that i had, and i thought i was miserable before! Why am i always trying to escape, and  denying it! I feel im not running away..but i know i am, at the same time. I left to seek a better life, a better job, starting school, and above all making meaningful relationships, i never felt anyone had gotten close enough to me, but now i know they can read me like a book. Its just so funny to me.. I thought id be able to drop my old life like a hat! I did not realize the impact of my surrondings and friends had on me. All i look forward to anymore is my next visit home. I feel like a faliure, i am succesful in my employment, but i have not found anything close to my old world. The thing i miss the when i have nothing to do.. Knowing exactly how to entertain myself, getting out.. the familiarity of it all..To be fair ive only been down here 4months and working 2jobs keeps me from getting to know the place.. i just wish i had enough inner happiness to keep me going without having to seek it from my past and enviroment. I find myself just as bitter as before, feeling held back.. Theres nothing here holding me this time except myself and my desire to move forward. Force a different life upon myself. Sorry this is just a bunch of rambles. My first post is full of scattered thoughts and feelings. Maybe it will make more sense as i write out more of my life.

♫ ♪ ♫ ♪There's no telling where we'll be in a day or in a week and there's no promises of peace or of happiness, Well is this why you cling to every little thing and polverize and derrange all your sense Maybe life is a song but you're scared to song along Until the very ending Oh, it's time to let go of everything we used to... know Ideas that strengthen who we've been, It's time to cut ties that won't ever free our minds.. ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪

DriftingFeather DriftingFeather
18-21, F
Sep 8, 2010