Anniversary Day

I have done things in my past I am not proud of, but everything that has gone wrong in my life, I feel I can trace back to one day. The anniversary of that day is coming up soon, and I am already oversensitive to every little reminder, and I know it will just get worse as the day gets closer. I have gone through this day in the past, but never with all the other stresses currently in my life, and I am afraid that this day will not just be a bad day for me, but will cause others pain as well. I don't know how to handle it, except to try and live my life as I normally would. But I know, from day to day, what I normally do will trigger me into a flashback or worse. I am trying to keep myself busy leading up to it, so I don't have time to worry and "what if" myself, but that doesn't seem to be working. I hate that one stupid mistake can still haunt me nine years later to the point that I have to tell everyone I will be with on that day to watch out for me because I might do something stupid.
runningaway runningaway
18-21, F
2 Responses Aug 11, 2010

Very much as Koyptakh says,<br />
We all make mistakes, and bad things happen. <br />
Like he says we are all brand new a few years later.<br />
I can see your other stories above, we all have flashbacks of terrible things we have done, and terrible things that have been done to us. Just give a nod to them when they appear, and let them go on their way.<br />
You are already planning how terrible your day is going to be, please don't. I know it's worse when we have stress in our lives, but don't plan already how your day is going to be.<br />
Just let the flashbacks come acknowledge them, then please thet them go, you are so much more than your past, take care.

HI runningaway<br />
A million times you can do something stupid and nothing bad results. Maybe crossing a road without looking. One time in every million you meet a car or a truck. That is the nature of life. It is very forgiving of mistakes 999,999 times out of a million. Try not to be hard on yourself. Remember every 7 years every cell in your body has been replaced. You are new.<br />
Very best wishes<br />