Telling My Wife And Ordering My First Pair

Normal is such a stupid category.

I'm not normal, and no one I've ever gotten to know very well is either. But by some standards, I'm a pretty average guy. I've been happily married to my beautiful wife for three and a half years as of this posting, and I'm hopelessly in love with her. I've never had any desire to be a transsexual or homosexual (though I have nothing against that lifestyle; it's just not me). I like my ****, and I like sticking it in my wife. I have wished I was a girl since I was young, but never wanted to become one, just to be one. I've told my wife that much before, though that's another story. She doesn't understand it (not that I do either, really), but she loves me anyway. Anyway, this story is not about exploring the deeper meanings of why I like to wear high heels; it's just a story.

My wife and I both grew up in relatively fundamentalist religious families, and though we're much more open-minded now, there's definitely some carry-over into opinions we've had and haven't gotten around to re-examining yet. There's always a nervousness associated with telling someone you're different, even if (sometimes especially if) it's someone you love a lot.

Though wearing high heels has long been an urge I've had, I started thinking seriously about indulging that urge about a month ago. We were visiting my wife's family for Christmas, and I was at Target alone shopping for Christmas gifts. My wife and her family were at home and weren't expecting me for a while.  I had been typing out a text on my phone and walking in the general direction of the section I needed to be in to buy the gifts I needed when I gave up at some point on trying to walk and text at the same time. I finished punching out my text, and looked up to see that I had stopped in the middle of the women's shoe aisle and had been standing there for several minutes now. (You could probably guess by the length of this post that my text messages tend to be similarly verbose). I remember thinking, "Hmm...I've been standing here for a couple of minutes and no one is looking at me funny." I looked down and saw that one of the pairs of heels was available in size 11. I wear men's size 11, or sometimes a 10.5, so I knew they wouldn't fit, but the thought crossed my mind that maybe I could cram my foot into a pair if they ran large. I wasn't thinking at all of buying them, or even (at that point) of trying them on, but the fact that shoes large enough to almost fit me existed in a normal store was kind of exciting. I had been shoe shopping a number of times with my wife and contented myself with dressing her up rather than myself.  Even then, though, I would discretely check for large sizes out of the corner of my eyes and make a mental note of where I could find large heels if it ever came to that. The selection in size 11 at Target was better than I had seen most places, even if it wasn't quite my size.

I continued on to do the rest of my shopping, but the thought of those heels kept coming back to mind. I think it was about half way through the rest of my shopping when it occurred to me that I could try them on in the dressing room if I could get them in there.  (There was no way I was going to try them on in the shoe aisle).  When I had finished the rest of my shopping, I circled back through the aisle I had stopped in before, this time pretending to text on my phone while actually looking past it at the large sizes on the bottom shelf.  I stopped like I had done before, this time knowing that fewer people would be looking at me than I thought.  I waited until no one else was in the aisle and bent over to tie my shoe.  The shoes at this Target were displayed in shortened-shelf aisles, so anyone could see me getting something off of the higher shelves, but if I bent over I was at least partially concealed. While I was down there pretending to tie my shoe, I slid the first 11 I saw onto the cart. It turned out to be these:

(Target store link: http://goo.gl/6Chgk)   These were not the original pair I noticed available in 11, but I was moving to quickly to notice. I hastily put the shoebox under several shirts that were in my cart and kept walking. Thinking back, it's pretty ridiculous how timid I was. I was in a city far from home--my in-laws live more than 500 miles from where my wife and I live--and there was exactly zero chance I would run into anyone I knew even remotely. But if you've made your way to this forum and have read this far, I think you must know the feeling.

Anyway, I had the shoes on the shopping cart, but I still wasn't sure I was going to try them on. I thought I'd just head on over to the dressing rooms and if the dressing room attendent didn't look like she was watching to closely, maybe I would try and carry the shoes into a dressing room covered up by a couple of shirts and a pair of men's shoes for good measure. I picked up my carefully arranged stack of "clothes" to try on and walked straight past the dressing room counter (where the attendent was turned around stacking up some clothes) and straight into the first open dressing room on my right. My heart was pounding as I closed the door behind me and locked it. Anyone watching closely on a security camera probably would have thought I was trying to steal something (which I had no intention of doing).

Inside the dressing room, I sat down and caught my breath for a minute. I slowly started to untie the shoes I was wearing and felt my heart pounding with excitement.  My hands were trembling a little.  I remember thinking, "oh man, this is finally going to happen. I'm finally going to know what it feels like to wear high heels." I slowly loosened the laces of the heels and carefully untied the elastic connecting the shoes (presumably to keep people from trying them on. Am I the only one that always unties those things and tries them on anyway?). I've never been one to move slowly and deliberately when I'm excited about something, but this time I did instinctually for some reason. I couldn't get my foot into the shoes at first, and I had to loosen the laces a ludicrous amount, but I finally got them on. It felt like all of my toes were crammed into the space normally occupied by my big toe, but when I stood up, it felt amazing.  Not the shoes themselves, but the feeling of wearing high heels.  Again, I have no idea why it was so much fun, but if you've made it this far and are reading stories on this group, you probably understand the feeling.

I walked around the tiny dressing room in the heels for a couple of steps ("shuffled" is probably a better term), but the area inside the changing room was too small to take more than a couple steps, or four steps if I took the tiny steps I had to take with the state my feet were in.  Even so, I paced back and forth for about ten minutes. It was so much fun, and I had "gotten away with it" so easily that I decided I should go back and try another pair. I reconstructed my careful pile of clothes to hide the shoes and returned to my shopping cart. I still had no intention to buy anything, but I wanted to feel that feeling I had just felt again. I walked back to the aisle where I had gotten the pair I'd just tried on and found a family there arguing over something to do with Christmas gifts. So I kept walking and pretended to be looking at tupperware for a bit. The family moved on after an exasperatingly long time, and I put the first pair back. I grabbed a pair of boots this time. I think the trend of skinny jeans tucked into boots is really sexy on girls, and for whatever reason in my messed up mind that translated into a desire to see what I look like in skinny jeans and high-heeled boots. My mind doesn't actually always work that way, or even usually, but in this case I had an overwhelming urge to try it. I grabbed this pair of boots in size 11:

(Target store link: http://goo.gl/qCnKf) Using similar tactics to the first pair, I stooped over and tied my shoe, slid the boots onto my cart, and quickly covered the box with some shirts and stuff. I discretely grabbed a pair of girl's skinny jeans on my way to the dressing room and timed my approach to when the attendent was looking away. I again reached the "safety" of the dressing room without any issues and took off my shoes as before. I took off my pants and put on the skinny jeans. I had worn skinny jeans designed for men before and didn't like them all that much, but man -- when I put on those girls jeans it was exciting. I probably looked hilarious since I have a really flat butt and reasonably muscular legs, which is exactly the opposite of how skinny jeans are designed to be worn. I couldn't wait to see how they would look with the boots. Alas, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't squeeze my feet into them. I must have gotten lucky with my first pair and picked some that run large, because 11 was definitely too small in these particular boots.

Nonplussed, I returned the boots to the shelf I got them from in a similarly discrete manner. By this point I was addicted. I just had to try on one or two more pairs before leaving. I repeated my previous routine and stolled up to the dressing room with another pair of heels concealed in a stack of clothes. I was about to go in when the attendent stopped me and said, "Hey, did you want to try something on?" I froze. I was terrified, though I don't know of what. I somewhat calmly turned around and said "yeah" with the most confident voice I could muster. I felt like I'd been caught shoplifting or something. I fumbled with my carefully arranged stack and said something like, "here, I just want to try on -- wait, I don't need those." I walked quickly back to my cart and put up the skinny jeans (which I still had in my stack) and started back over to show her my pile so she could get me a dressing room. Halfway back, I panicked and said, "oh wait, I don't need that either." I turned around and said over my shoulder, "You know what? I don't need to be shopping for myself this time of year. I'll just put this stuff back." Then I hurried away before she could offer to shelve the stuff for me. I quickly returned the shoes and stuffed the skinny jeans on a vacant shelf in the men's section (I was too embarrassed to even go back through the women's section). I quickly moved to the checkout, trying not to look like I was rushing. I left Target that day with my head spinning, thoughts racing, and more than a little confused. It was mostly a good feeling about having tried on high heels for the first time, but the way it ended left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

* * *

The way that day at Target had ended set back my boldness on the heels front quite substantially. I didn't think about it much for the next few weeks, but the seed of the idea was there. Then, this past Saturday, I was sitting around with my wife doing some work (we're both in graduate school) when I had an urge to do something wild. At that moment, "wild" constituted shaving my chest hair. I'm not a very hairy man, so it hadn't needed to be done before (my wife always said I had "just the right amount of chest hair"), but I knew that some women like it when guys shave they're chest, so I thought I'd give it a try and see how my wife reacted. You may find it strange that this constitutes "wild" for me, and it's not all that wild, but at that moment it seemed like a pretty crazy thing to do, especially without asking my wife first if she thought it would look good. Yeah -- I'm that insecure.

Anyway, I went back to show my wife, and she reacted pretty well. She kept wanting to touch it, and pretty soon one thing led to another and we were headed to the bedroom.  On our way, though, she said, "I hope you didn't shave your legs also." She didn't mean anything by it, but it got me started thinking. I actually did want to shave my legs.  It made me anxious that she didn't want me to.  I did kind of want to play around with my wild, feminine side.

We made out for a little bit and eventually got to the point where we were having sex with her on top of me. We were going slowly and she was touching my chest when she noticed I had shaved my armpits as well. She asked why and I said something like, "because the explosion of hair looked out of place next to my smooth chest." Then I added, "and because I wanted to." That was the spark. Soon after, I found myself explaining that I did want to shave my legs, actually, and I kind of wanted to play around with "stuff like that" more -- meaning me messing around with girl's clothes and stuff. It took me a bunch of "maybes" and "umms" to get out the fact that I actually wanted to dress up like a girl sometimes when we have sex, but I got it out. She told me (as she had once previously) that she wasn't comfortable with that. When she had said that before, I had immediately backed down and said "okay, we don't have to go there." But this time I didn't say anything for a little while, and I think she knew what I was thinking. Remember all this time I'm still in her.  We had been grinding away at each other up until the point at which she said she wasn't comfortable with me dressing up in girl's clothing. We both just sat there, still, for a moment, partially reading each other's thoughts. We didn't really need to say anything for a moment; we were communicating enough without words.  Finally she said, "I know you're just being yourself." Then there was another long pause. I had more trouble making eye contact with her during that pause. Finally, she said, "You know I won't be attracted to it." Another communicative silence followed. I didn't know what to say, so I just said nothing. We both started to speak at once, then she stopped and I said, "maybe just heels?" She looked away, sighed, and said "maybe." That was all we said for another five or ten minutes. She started to slowly go up and down on my penis again, and we started making love again. We stared at each other and embraced and kept having sex.  After a long silence (with neither of us having climaxed yet), she finally said, somewhat tearfully, "you can do what you want." I came back with something cheesy like, "you're everything I want, and I want us to be happy."  Then I took a less cheesy tone and told her how I love her more than anything in the world, and she looked at me again, with tears in her eyes now.

I know she loves me as much as I love her, but at the same time I know this was hard for her. Logically speaking, it's pretty silly -- both of us know that. It's just clothes. Clothes can go on either gender without changing who that person is on the inside. That doesn't make it any easier to get used to. Somehow, after breaking that long silence, we knew we'd come to the end of the discussion. We started making love again, and this time we didn't stop until we'd both climaxed.

That would be the end of this part of the story, except for what happened next. After I have an ******, for the next ten or fifteen minutes all of my desires to dress up like a girl and do feminine things seem silly and ridiculous. I'm sure many of you reading this have had similar experiences. So I started to try and take back some of the things I had just said. But before I could say anything, she put her finger over my mouth and shushed me. I can't express how good that one little shush felt! It was like she was saying, "It's okay for you to be yourself; I love you the way you are even if I don't understand it. I don't need to understand it."

* * *

A couple of days later, I decided it was time to take the plunge and order a pair of heels in my size.  I spent more time than I should have browsing the available selection in size 12 on Amazon.com and finally settled on these:

(Amazon store link: http://goo.gl/HsD8G)  At first I set them aside to buy later, but then I saw that they only had one pair left in my size and a couple hours later I just had to buy them.  I didn't want them to run out because they are just so ... cute?  What's the right word?  (Even in an anonymous post that will be read mostly by like-minded people, I can't bring myself to say a pair of shoes are "cute," even though that's exactly the word that describes what I think, because saying shoes are cute seems like only something girls are allowed do).

Even after discussing it with my wife earlier, I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I'd ordered them until that night.  When I finally showed her a picture of the ones I'd ordered, her response was not nearly as bad as when I first broached the subject.  She said she might even like it if she could dress me up in some "man lingerie" with my heels.

I'm not pretending this has been easy for my wife.  What's great is she hasn't pretended either.  I know that she genuinely loves me no matter what.  Working through your differences and feelings is far better than hiding them.  It seems like such a silly thing to get so upset about -- or from my end, to obsess over.  It's just clothes.  What we wear doesn't change who the person wearing the clothes is inside.  Nonetheless, dealing with feelings that you can't explain logically (on both of our parts) can be difficult.  I'm fortunate to have a wonderful, loving wife who's willing to stick with me through it all.

My new shoes should arrive tomorrow.  I've been obsessively checking their shipping progress online all day today.  I'm super excited, and for once not ashamed of it.

WhatIsMe WhatIsMe
22-25, M
9 Responses Jan 22, 2013

I know that feeling buying telling the woman your with. I eventually have told the women I had long-term relationships which is 3 including my now babymama that I like wearing heels. Its not usually an easy thing and it does seem to be a deal breaker. You just hope they are willing to understand though we might not understand it ourselves. Ive gone & bought my our heels in a thrift store sure I got a little look but the clerk asked is this a gift of course I said yes. I half-heartedly she guessed they were for me but the thrill of buying my own high heels and the excitement and anxiousness of waiting to get them home and try them on was worth it. I did this on my own 4 yrs ago now before I had kids. Its still opening up but ive gotten bolder myself. The pair you picked are cute and I hope you do enjoy them.

Great story ! If she wants to dress you in "man lingerie" try Lingerie Diva. They sell lingerie for men ! Let her pick out the outfits that she wants to see you in !! Enjoy your heels and lingerie my friend ! I know I do ! My gf does also !

Wow! What a story! It was good to know, i'm not the only one. Yesterday I did what you just wrote. I told my wife that I like high heels.
Her reaction was exacly the same of your wifes reaction. Like you, I'm not gay, travestite or transgendered. I am happy with my *******and I like inside my wife. I just like high heels and girls jeans, its a great feeling, and I couldn't hide this from her anymore.

The times I have tried on woman clothes is when I am relieving myself. Once done no more desire

that used to happen to me, but then gradually the sexual arousal decreased, but I still wanted to wear them, that's when getting out seemed like the next step,

Wow! What a story! It was good to know, i'm not the only one. Yesterday I did what you just wrote. I told my wife that I like high heels.
Her reaction was exacly the same of your wifes reaction. Like you, I'm not gay, travestite or transgendered. I am happy with my *******and I like inside my wife. I just like high heels and girls jeans, its a great feeling, and I couldn't hide this from her anymore.

I think that is such a great story! Let me tell you sexually I have never felt so fulfilled as when I'm making love to the man I love when he is wearing exactly what he wants to wear. I think sometimes he is amazed at my suggestions but it is a surreal amazement. It's like he never thought he would ever get anyone to be this open with him. At first I will be honest, I couldn't work out why I was so "meh" with it all. I told my mum and she simply said "it's because you love him" and it is true. I come from a strict (ish) Turkish family and I know certain people would probably die if they found out. But I've never been happier so they can just deal with their own issues!

That is wonderful of you to love him so much and understand yourself as well. My wife and I just crossed over our 10th anniversary (12.5 yrs together) and while she fulfilled me I didn't fulfill her. Over the last 15 months (when I discovered there was a problem) I have been working out things in me. But she had already given her heart away and no longer had a heart for our marriage. I'm unbelievably heart broken. Not so much because her heart is dead to me but that she fought and tried so hard for me to really get her and I didn't fulfill her. I hope you both stay really well connected and work toward communicating and fulfilling each other. It sounds like you have something very special. We did too, but now it's gone and I'm just reeling from it and trying to recover.

A really interesting read, I was 13 when I bought my first pair and that was 15 years ago. I braved it into the shopping centre and spun the assistant some lie about them being a birthday present for my (imaginary) big sister, and felt the excitement all the way home and couldn't wait to try them on.

At that time it was all about the chunky platform shoes the Spice Girls were wearing. I loved that then. I tried various fetishy brands like Hot Topic, Pleaser and Demonia and wondered whether I actually wanted to do this in public or not. I know now and have for a good number of years that I don't want to be a girl, it is just one of those kinky things about me. After all, not everyone who likes a beer in the evening wants to be drunk all day. I'm not interested in 'making a statement' or whatever. I don't want to be that weird guy hobbling down the street looking like a drag queen that everyone points at and mocks. I'm very much a straight guy, have been in enjoyable long-term relationships, never had gay feelings and have always gotten on with women very well. It's just something I enjoy. I am comfortable with where I am with it.

Now I order online which gets rid of any awkwardness. I wouldn't ever dream of trying heels on in-store - that is waaaaay too much for me, although I have phoned up the customer service departments of shoe shops to ask if they have a certain style in a certain size in any of their stores and been successful more than once. Girls that work in shoe shops must have seen it all. Guys 'out of their depth' looking for a present for their girlfriend and know nothing about what she would actually like(!) etc.

I'm less into the fetishy styles now - more obsessed by the upper end of high street brands like Kurt Geiger and Aldo. I have totally thought of some styles as 'cute' - there isn't any other way to describe them is there! I do actually own two pairs of Louboutins and two pairs of Yves Saint Laurent heels too. I thought that when I bought the first pair of Louboutins that that would be the end of my shoe shopping - I have reached the pinnacle - heck, I sold 7 pairs just to save up for them. I had achieved the dream that most girls never get close to, in fact I bought my girlfriend a pair of CL Bianca's in her size and seeing her in them was just mind-blowing for me. But as I previously mentioned, I now own 4 pairs of super high-end designer heels. And, I am discovering new designers all the time thanks to that good old pal the internet. I always said to myself that I would never end up in debt because of it, and I haven't still to this day. My bank account is healthy and I have savings and a nice car. The problem now is space. I must have at least 70 pairs currently, with a good third to half of them in my girlfriend's size.

However, my relationship with my girlfriend (of three years) ended recently (who always looked great in her heels) and I think it was too much for her to deal with that I liked it more than she did. I told her about my fetish/addiction before we started going out and we were very good friends for a few years before that. She indulged me for a while which at the time I felt all my dreams were coming true - I could buy her heels and she could share my passion. I think it all went wrong after that. She was always afraid that it was controlling my life, or would do very soon. After all, how do you explain that wardrobe full of size 41/42 heels when there are kids involved (thinking about the future), especially as she was a 36. I was always happy for us both to be completely naked when we made love but she knew I would always be extra grateful if she was up for wearing heels for me. I never pressured her and assured her that I didn't 'need' her to be wearing heels for me to be able to make love to her. I wanted it to be special occasion material if you know what I mean, something to look forward to rather than the norm.

Anyway, I got to a point that I am still at where I enjoy wearing heels, but I want to control my addiction as I am scared that it will put other women off if I don't. Truth is, I literally have no more space to put them without selling a pair to buy a pair.

Now the goal is to select a few pairs that I want to keep and downsize my collection so that it can just be described as a kinky interest rather than an obsession. I have at least 12 pairs of actual (man) trainers too so I guess I am an out and out shoeaholic.

Having watched countless tv shows on hoarding and the processes of beating the hoard I know that if I want to get rid of them all I will have to take them to the dump and throw them all away in one fell swoop. Doing it one pair at a time and making time-consuming eBay listings just gives you more time to get cold feet and let the emotional attachment creep back in and before you know it you have convinced yourself you are going to keep them. Trust me. Been there. Done that. Problem is, there's a lot of money's worth there and I for one am not just going to throw them away! Dilemma!

I have such an intimate knowledge of buying heels on eBay now that I have bought pairs that were poorly advertised and sold them on for profit.

So what is normal then?

All I can offer from the experiences I have been through is that some guys can make a shoe-fetish work with their partner, others scare them off. It just depends where you and your partner's upper and lower boundaries are in that department. The more extreme(/weird) you feel it is, the more likely it is to freak a girl out. My ex is Christian (the stereotypical good girl/girl next door if you know what I mean) and I am an Athiest that grew up on satanic heavy-metal imagery, black leather, corsets etc and rock/metal nightclubs where fetish clothing was ACCEPTED. I hung out with girls wearing corsets, pvc and fetish boots most Friday nights. I guess opposites attracted in this instance. She had never really been around goth-looking girls and obviously never found out how nice (and open-minded) a lot of goths can be. Generally, whatever makes you happy is, to put on an American accent, 'Cool man.'

I recently watched a BBC documentary by Stacey Dooley called Gay To Straight - in which a bunch of (usually Mormon) Americans try to convince their 17 year-old son (who is probably gay, or questioning his sexuality at least) that leading a gay lifestyle is plain wrong and they would disown him if he chose that path, as it does not go inline with what God wanted. They call it SSA (Same Sex Attraction) instead and push them into therapy that will rid them of the disorder. I felt that same feeling of disgust coming from my girlfriend towards the end.

The way I look at it is, as long as I am not harming anyone with what I am into, then who should care? I always answered my girlfriend's testing questions about my interest in shoes as honestly as I could, but knew that even though I was trying my hardest to be completely open with her (including talking about my masturbatury habits which as anyone who has tried this will know - it's pretty f**king demoralising) it didn't really help. I almost wish I'd have lied to her and kept it secret.

I have done soooooooo much research on this topic asking Google the questions I imagine my girlfriend might ask and trying to find out the responses she will have read. It's pretty divided it seems. Some people are of the 'yeah it's cool man' approach and others are totally disgusted.

I guess in future when I am chatting/flirting with a girl I like, I know now that if she's wearing particularly striking heels there is a good chance she might have a shoe-interest of her own and be open to it. It's all about seeing what's actually there, not what could or might be there.

Sorry for the lengthy response, this is the first time I have written these feelings down and felt the need to share online. I hope you enjoyed your new shoes you were waiting for when you originally posted.

The question is, have you bought any more since...?

thanks for writing a heartfelt story, just this alone has helped me enormously !! I am going through a tricky situation with my GF, she hates me wearing anything slightly femme, but she knows she can't change that, so we have agreed to respect each others freedoms as much as possible, so I have to be careful when I browse fr shoes online, and when I have my clothes/shoes out, but I get to keep my GF, and still get to go out dressed in my oh so cute heels :)

Fantastic. You must persuade her to let you go all the way. You know you want to. Deep down she finds it very exciting.

There was a time when I really wanted to tell my wife about me wearing heels and I really fancied the idea of having sex with them on too, but I chickened out and never did tell her. I don't have the impulse to wear them or get dressed up anymore either. Not sure if it was just a phase I went through or what, but it's nice to hear that you managed to fulfil your dreams. Good on you

A beautiful story. I am very happy for you! I got my first pair not very long ago and wow it was so good to finally wear them the first time. Have fun in your new heels!