I Want Out Of My Funk

Been really feeling like my life is in dead end mode. I have no close friends at all and most of the time I guess I'm just ok with that. Really I wish I had someone in real life to talk to and do things with. I really feel lonely when I have no one to be with. I have a family...they do things with me. but I remember when I had friends and we did things. I would love to have someone now. I dwell a lot on the negatives. I tend to just watch a lot of movies and tv because its a way to tune out the real world. yet sometimes that gets me in more of a funk because then I start to think my life is NOT like the people on tv or movies who have friends and go out and do things together. I just wake up, clean house, go to work, repeat. again and again. sometimes I don't even feel like interacting with my son when he gets home from school because I just want some adult interaction. Winter time sucks so much because its cold and snowy and ice and you just cannot get out of your house to enjoy anything. I dream about moving to a warm climate....but family is here and right now thats all I got and I don't even see them that much but its at least something. My phone never rings. I see people at work who are doing things and I wonder why not me. I see groups of people going out for dinner and wonder how did they manage to get friends. I had bad news this week about a suicide and I've been dwelling on that too much. I have issues with trust and self worth. I'm just a weirdo. So not a single person here in real life that I feel comfortable sharing my issues with , so I put on my mask of normalcy and go into the world and no one knows me. I put out my feelings here on the internet for any and all to see and somehow it makes me feel better. Its kind of like puking.
choca choca
46-50
4 Responses Jan 11, 2013

I know what you mean and how you feel...I've had many of the same thoughts and feelings. My thoughts and prayers are with you...Sometimes I find praying helps me.

HI all,
I am still in a funk but trying to get out of it. I made a plan with my hubby to start exercising. I know that will help.
I tried something the other day but I feel like it made things worse. I have a new coworker and I like her personality and work ethic. we seem to get along really well at work. So the other day I decided to invite her to dinner with my family. My hubby was up for it and my son is only 6 so he could care less.
Things went really well at first. She showed up with wine, flowers and a toy for my son.
we had a good time finally getting to visit outside of the workplace where its very hard to talk for long when your supposed to be working. anyways, about 45 minutes into, just before we put dinner on the table I noticed that she was slurring her words and getting a bit louder. I figured she was getting a little drunk. I hoped getting some food in would help but she got louder and more drunk seeming all during dinner. (what a personality change!) She even seemed inappropriate with my son. She wanted to ask him what he wanted to be when he grew up and what he liked about school. well he wouldnt respond the way she wanted to the questions and she was even slamming her hands on the table and yelling HEY! answer me!
I intervened a little and she seemed peeved at me, I finally told my son he was excused and let him go watch a movie. I was having a hard time telling if she was just drunk or if this was the real her coming out...since we were not at work. I don't know but I was glad when she left.
So I was on here a couple months ago seemingly whining that I do not have friends and yet I tried to make a friend and couldn't wait for her to get out of my house.
I guess I feel worse in the respect that even when I try...its no use. Will I ever have friends? will I get out of this funk??
by the way...thank you so much for the responses to my post. It makes me very happy and makes me feel not so alone

I feel like you are writing about me....I can see why you write how you feel on this site. I feel like it is okay to tell a total stranger things that bother or hurt me, but not anyone that "might" be considered close. For me it is a vulnerblilty issue. I don't want to open up my wall of 'I'm fine, I'm tough" to anyone that I have to see again. Especially someone that can use it to hurt me. Which means anyone that I interact with in person. I have a strong, sarcastic sense of humor that gets me through each day, yet keeps people away also. Oddly enough, I have a husband , kids, family near me and I feel like they are all total strangers to me. I don't trust one of them to help me with any issues I have, and I have a lot of them. I am very selfish and I try to work on that, and as you can see I turned your post into my issues. I apologize for that, I wish you peace and next time you do go out, even to the market. Strike up a simple conversation with the most comfortable person you see...maybe even about something they are buying and how they like it? You will be surprised how a simple conversation about nothing in particular can make you feel like you have a human connection. Hope this helps.

I totally understand. It great to have family but still you need frens to socialise with, have a girls day out or jus chill and talk about normal things and laugh. Doing the same things every day can become a routine that is boring and predictable. Although you want frens keep it to a minimal too much frens can become a nightmare lol but two close frens is good. Try volunteering which will open up the world of people or try socialising more at work, or places you do manage to go.