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There's Got to Be An End

My wife and I have begun serious counseling in order to avoid divorce and I'm not sure I really want to avoid it.  I worry about the effect it will have on our kids more than anything else.  We need some rather drastic changes and I'm nor sure we can pull it off. 

I recently received a severe brow beating from my boss and his boss due to late assignments at work.  I explained to them that my work load was to heavy and that I had informed them of this over a month ago.  I reminded them that, not only did I have the largest list of assignments, but I also spent much of my time picking up the slack from the other three supervisors.  In order to "help me out," they ******** me of all of my assignments and placed me on the graveyard shift for a month.  After over a year of keeping the facility going, helping them out on their own projects, and keeping them out of litigation, this is the thanks.

I had just come through a major breakthrough on my childhood issues after 45 years and was feeling pretty good about life.  Now I feel that I have to start all over again.

deleted deleted 26-30 8 Responses May 24, 2008

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My husband and I were rised in very different ways...And during the first ten years of our marrage I had my distractions as I call then in polite society...But I always wanted it to be my husbands arms that I was in...It is not just because I think that men are hunters...They are and have always been...Wanting to win the football game...Have the hottest car...Not wanting to have their back to the door of a resteraunts...It is just the nature of man...Scienctific testing have proven this...It is not bigatry...Just fact...I do hope that you have found the woman that you need in your life...But it was you that said you were working on the marrage,,,and then stated that you found a woman that made you whole...Contradiction in terms...Fact. <br />
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If your wife never understood you, and never wanted to assist you with your problems I do not understand then how you could marry her...But I am sure that is another story. I was not trying to put men down in my post just bringing up things that were stated in your post...Iam sure that this woman is a very nice person, but I do reccomend that you give your self time before doing anything with this woman...Get yourself back onto firm ground as far as your life goes...To do anything less will just bring other problems into the mix

I know its hard, but maybe the night shift will give you time to truly reflect on your life and how you and your wife can improve it! :)

I aam sorry if the use of that word affended you...It was not ment in a sexual way...Men are by nature hunters...They with out knowing it live for the hunt...The fight and yes the conquest...This is one reason that men do so well in the busniss world...(Not saying that women can not do just as well) But women are the gatherers and the nuturers...This is just human nature.<br />
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It is just that you were say just about word for word what my husband told me...Both about him and I...and Him and Her...and well We are still together and it hase been 6 years...and she is no where in sight... All of the friends found out that what they were saying was not the truth...<br />
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I do hope that it works out for you no matter what you do...But do not sit here and in one part say that you are trying at theripy...and then in another part say that you are not...Just man up and say the truth...You stumbeled upon a new person that does not remind you of the pain...Someone that wants to make that pain go away...And you are leaving your wife for her...Case closed..

You sound like my husband...Have you ever asked your wife just why she is like that to you??? You said thaat you had issues as a child that you were eworking through...Could she possibly have childhood issues that she needs to work out...<br />
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I do not mean to sound hard or harsh...but you are not truely trying at this theripy...You have already found what you think that you want...Just like my husband did...I told him then that I would not give it 6 months...well his feelings for her did...but hers did not...As I told him that we were made for each other...I understand him...in a way that very few women understand their man...We were in the army together...We were Military Police together...We were at ties each others back-up on different calls...We each had to provide cover for the other on different calls...You truely get to know a person when they have a loaded gun pointed at our back...And you truely learn to totally trust that person at the same time...I have lived what he had lived...I have protected and been protected by him...What "normal" woman can say that. So like him I think what you have here is a new conquest who pays you attention...and no reminders of the problems that you have endured over the past 20 years...You see hope in her, and with your wife all you see in her are reminders of 20 years of pain. Secide what yopu want to do...But just Do it for the right reasons...Stay or go it is your call

I may not know your whole situation however this is my 'two cents' for whatever it's worth.<br />
You said, "But the truth is that I don't feel anything in my present relationship. She's trying her hardest to make up for things, and I also tried to work them out. I'm just not getting anything from it." My opinion on that is this.... If you are allowing yourself to feel something for someone else, you can't possibly feel it for your wife also. Of course the 'new' woman makes you feel things you maybe haven't felt in awhile, it is the newness of it all and if you were to go forward with that, eventually that newness would wear off and you may end up right where you are now. <br />
This is why I have yet to get married. I know I can and have been faithful in relationships but I feel most people allow their lusts to control them. It is natural to become attracted to someone other than your partner. Just because you are committed to someone does not mean you are void of feelings. I believe however, that life is full of little tests and it is YOUR choice as to whether you ALLOW that attraction to grow into more. Just because you may not have physically cheated on your partner does not mean you haven't cheated on her emotionally. If you are directing your emotions to another woman, you are cheating your partner out of those.

Does this sound a little like you are already planning the end ahead of time? We all need to be prepared, but maybe you need to keep your focus on which of your<br />
"relationships" as most important. The one you have or the one you desire to start with someone else? Just a thought. Dont submarine yourself. <br />
We went to therapy too,( loooong story) but I was offended by the counselor "Taking" sides! We have since been "working" on things and I get very impatient that things do not change as quickly as I want them to. Then I stop myself and try to remember that bad habits take a long time in the making and an equally long time in the breaking. Waiting is the hardest part, I agree, totally. For me, I don't like to gamble and I know that I have a lot to lose if I can not work on making things work. The biggest issue is being responsible for ME and what makes me happy.

That sounds really frustrating. You work so hard and don't even get the appreciation you deserve. On the other hand, sometimes things happen for a reason. Will the night shift give you more time to do other things in your life that you did not have time for?

I'm sorry about your marital problems,my nephew just went through a pretty bad divorce(I guess they all are).<br />
As for your breakthrough,congratulations! It still counts.<br />
Don't let the bastards at work get you down.