Breakup Is Stressing Me Out A Lot.

I don't know why, but I can't stop thinking about stuff my ex said to me a few weeks after when we broke up when I was asking for my things back. He basically shoved in my face that his new GF was better than me, that I was the root of all our problems and to blame, and that he was soooooo happy now. And then he said, oh yeah, I still want to be best friends. ?!

I can't stop thinking about that^. I know most of it isn't true. He played an equal part in our relationship ending. In fact, he left me for a new girl and broke MY heart. He just acted as though the past 6 months of our relationship was 'just as friends' even though we still acted as a couple.

I also feel like none of my questions were answered. If we were 'just friends' why did we still wear our promise rings? Why did we still hug/kiss/cuddle? Why did you still take me out on dates? Why did we still sleep in the same bed? I asked him these right after our break up. He didn't have an answer. -_-

What he said did hurt. I definitely put him on a pedestal for awhile and refused to believe we were over. He kind of still is on that pedestal. I have a hard time seeing him in a bad light. And his words make me feel like it WAS all my fault.

Throughout our whole relationship, according to him, was because of me. Ex. Oh, I didn't know that I was suppose to know that you wanted me to bring you a vacuum cleaner, because you casually said 'under my desk is kind of dirty'. When I didn't bring him the vacuum, he got pissed off and said I 'should've know' even though he never actually said 'I need the vacuum'. I don't DO subtle hints; I can't read minds. This type of incident would result in him yelling at me, saying I never offered to him, and that we always argued like this and it wouldn't be a fight if "I had just KNOWN." This made ME feel bad because he shifted the blame to me, constantly.

And now, I can't help but feel bad about the break up because, once again, it was my fault, like he said. It doesn't help he rubbed in my face that his new GF is 'so awesome, it's SOOOOO crazy' like I never was.... And the fact that he just dismissed the past few months of our relationship as 'just friendship' at that point- that really burns.

I'm so stressed about this. I can't turn off my brain. It just keeps torturing me, making me feel really low. I usually have pretty good self-esteem too. But this whole break up just tore me apart, made me think badly of myself, and not think I'm good enough. The stress of thinking about this painful stuff has affected me not only mentally, but also physically. I have sleep issues (lay in bed trying to fall asleep but keep thinking too much), have an uneasy stomach, and just feel very tense and anxious because I'm very scared of running into him with his new GF if I'm outside. I wouldn't know what to do, probably panic..

On top of this, I also am stressed about school, careers, the future, tests, finding a part time job, etc. Ugh, I don't know what to do. The thinking about my ex part causes me the most stress though. :(

How do I clear my mind so I don't feel as stressed anymore?
pandapods pandapods
22-25, F
Dec 14, 2012