What To Do???

I'm really stressed out right now!

My boyfriend and I have been together 3months. I'm married (have applied for divorce), and he has a child with his ex partner. His daughter is pretty ill, she has retinal dysplasia amoungst other problems. His ex and him haven't spoken for a while and I think that it's because he's with me, she rang him and told him she wanted to change their daughters surname to her surname rather than it staying at his. needless to say he was pretty hurt and angry and hung up the phone and they didn't speak for a while. Now she's rang his sister saying that she'll be coming to visit either Friday or Saturday - and his mum is now coming too. My boyfriend and his sister want me to meet his little girl and mum and be there, his ex has a new partner that will be there also. However I don't want to go!! I really want to meet his little girl and his mother, and I know that at some point I'll have to meet his ex - all thats fine, but I just can't be dealing with meeting them all at the same time, it's just too much. They'll all know each other and I know I'll end up feeling like a spare part. Also I think he needs time to discuss things with his ex without me being around, they need to sort out proper arrangements for whenn he can see his daughter etc and that's not really my busines. I know that if I were his ex in the same situation I wouldn't appreciate the new girlf (ie me) being around whilst we spoke about this kind of stuff.

The thing is I don't want my man to think I'm not interested or don't care because I do. I just want him to have the chance to see his daughter and I don't want my being there to cause a problem. If his ex wants to be funny about us being together then thats her problem, I'm not about to start creating problems and making things worse - especially as theres a child involved.

I really am stuck as to what I should do?? Should I go anyway and show him my support? or should I stay away for now to avoid some kind of confrontation??? Any advice would be appreciated...!

MementoMori1983 MementoMori1983
22-25, F
4 Responses Dec 7, 2009

Thank you gryfnn :)

It sounds like you don't really need advice---you and your bf will work it out together. :)

Aww thank you so much for taking the time to comment :)<br />
<br />
Even though I'm sure that the relationship is going to work I think I'm going to leave it a while before meeting his daughter - just in case. Spoke with my boyf earlier and think he understands how I feel, I just don't want to put pressure on him or anyone else - it's just one of those awkward situations that I hope will just take time to become less awkward.

this is a real tough one for you.i have achild an am divorced.i havent been in yr situation.whatever you do its going to be award i think.from your point of view its pressure an meeting them all is a big thing.finding yr feet as the new woman is alwyas rough,an when kids are involved it must be tricky.im playing safe an am single.cop out.as a mum from her point of view,if it were me i would want my ex guy to be happy with his new girl.i woulod realise it would be award for her also.i would want to meet though asap just to know they suitable to be round my kid.i trust my ex anyhow so i guess its very hard to say.pity u cant get her number an just say hi,u wanna meet u dont wannna step on her mum toes an that u nervous.maybe break the ice.i would say take a deep breath an go for it.yr man is in a spot here also an needs yr strength as it must be odd for him to.good luck.add mke if u want an i can be an ear along the way