I've recently gotten myself active and employed. I had about a month and a half break from working after I quit my job. In that time span I quickly went back to my old self inflicting pain by abusing drugs and alcohol, as well as cutting myself and contemplating suicide. Right now, at this moment, I can say I am at peace. I have some worries which I brush of as a figment of my imagination and if I think a little too hard I can get really sad. I'm learning to control my mind and be myself without punishing myself for who I am. I have a very backwards way of thinking but it makes me unique and different. If you met me you would never know I had such deadly thoughts in my mind. I am very compassionate and loving but yet I lack that when I'm aiming at myself. I'm learning to love myself and live one second at a time. I'm not sure why I'm writing this but I learned if you get it out on paper(or laptop), you get it out of your mind. I'm shy talking about my feelings because it's hard for me to understand them sometimes, I didn't grow up embracing feelings in my household. I feel vulnerable writing this, even with my identity withheld, but maybe there's a small chance someone could relate and it would make my path to happiness/greatness that much more worthwhile.
milaea milaea
22-25, F
Aug 20, 2014