I Am Stronger And Hopefully More Compassionate

Six years ago I stopped drinking because I was consuming 12+ beers per day and was so drunk I was unable to function.  Three years later I found myself "voluntarily" committed to a mental ward becuase I was incredibly suicidal: I was planning on having a "traffic accident" out in a rural area because I was in utter terror of my mood swings.  While in the hospital, I was diagnosed with Bipolar and anxiety disorder.  As for family history, my mother had anorexia when I was growing up, and it nearly killed her.

Since that time I have survived two layoffs to go into school for nursing and am in fact working as a nurse aide in a facility right now where I am respected by my co-workers and supervisors.  The first trial of medication was a success and I actually have direction now, and am sometimes too ambitious for my own good: I started school again at age 37, and I barely graduated high school.

I do have doubts, for example getting in a relationship scares me given that I have more baggage than a coveyor belt at O' Hare Airport; and I wonder if given my genes it's best that I not have a kid.  But I do believe that I am stronger because of the experience, and I only hope that the experience will leave me with a balance of compassion, logic, and pragmatism.  At this point I can only sally forth and do the best I can
cmb53233 cmb53233
36-40, M
2 Responses Aug 2, 2010

it sounds like you have been threw alot . and sounds like <br />
your healing .

you will be just fine very well written and your determination will get u thru, and when it comes to relationships anyone worrth there weight in gold will accept you just be honest we have all been thru things in our lives and anyone that says they haven't is a liar plain and simple keep doing great and I applaud u :)