Things Could Be Worse

I will go ahead and say I’m sorry for my terrible spelling and grammar but I must say what I have to say. I have been keeping everything pushed deep inside my soul for so long that I fill like I will explode, or go to sleep and not wake up, but "THINGS COULD BE WORSE" so hear I go.
It started earl on a Sunday morning the 8th of Feb. 2009 .I was woken up at 4:15 am by my son, who at the time was 14 , beating on our front door. He was spending the night at my parent’s house. When I got to the door I could see in his eyes and the color of his skin that something bad was wrong. It took me a minute to figure out what he was trying to say.” come quick granddad is shaking all over".So I thought well he is having a seizure. My parents live about 1000 yards away. So it took me about 4 min to get over their. When I walked in My brother who lives next door was already their trying to get my dad to respond .When I got all the way inside to see my dads face .I new, that instant he was gone, now that didn’t stop us but I had no doubt .I checked for a pulse and then started cpr while he was in his chair. I couldn't do it because of the recliner and my dad weighed 370 lbs .So my brother and myself, with 2 ruptured disk in my lower back (at this time I did not know that )got him out of the chair, in the floor and continued cpr,swapping out with my brother and his wife. For about 40 min until the emts got their and took him to the hospital. His heart never beat on it’s on again. On my way home from the hospital it hit me HARD!!!. This is when I first said "THINGS COULD BE WORSE" Well now wait don’t get upset I’m going to tell you how I can say that. We could have been fighting, but we weren't, it could have been several days since I had saw him last, it wasn't I had a very nice talk only 9 hours before,actualy all my brothers, sister and myself got to talk to him the day before and he was in great spirits. And last but not least his soul could have been lost, it wasn’t, he was READY TO GO. So yes "THINGS COULD BE WORSE". Ok ,the day before we are going to burry him I found out that my wife had been fighting cancer for over a year and had kept it from both mine and her family. I have no idea how but no one knew her mother sisters no one .Because she didn't want people to pity her. I say "IT COULD BE WORSE".After I finished making arrangements for my father. I called her and told her that I was at her dr. office where she was supposed to be getting her stomach ulcer checked on. And she wasn’t their. That’s how I caught her. We did find out that she was cancer free (Breast cancer).In May of 2009 we found out that we were going to have another baby. Now I Will explain why "THINGS COULD BE WORSE" and I will start out with the small things first. My wife was very upset, well you see at that time we have a son who was 15 and was born at 28 weeks due to placenta abruption and a daughter 12 who had a stroke in utero leaving her with cerebral palsy.
Over the next 9 months we have to go to the hospital twice a week for testing and shots and once a week 90 miles away to a specialist. To check baby growth. She was not growing correctly but everything else was great just a bit of stress. On Jan 1 2010 we had a 4lb 9 oz little girl she was full term just small .She did have to stay in the nicu until she gained some weight which was about 7 days .She is now 2 and a handful. "THINGS COULD BE WORSE".
Well in October of 2010 I found a lump in one of my Testicales. So Not getting too worried I made an appointment with my doctor, and told no one. When I saw him he sad that he was going to get me an ultrasound and have me see an urologist. Still I tell no one. The next day I go in for an ultrasound of my scrotum .That was interesting to say the least. The lady performing it would not tell me anything, but I new the instant she saw something. Now this is the 3rd day after I accidentally found a small lump I’m at the urologists office .I hear the Doctor outside talking with another Doctor. He comes in we introduce ourselves and he examines the lump. He says “Mr. Wilson we need to get this taken care of “I say”Ok Ill make an appointment” then in mid sentence he interrupts me and says “No you don’t understand we must go right now and perform an orchiectomy.” I said WHAT?!!! And now I’m scared. He said Mr. Wilson we have to go and remove the testicle to send it out for testing to see if it is cancer or not. I told him that I hadn’t even told my wife that I was going to the Dr. He said what hospital do you want to use? I told him he then said I don’t like to do this because in this instance time is very crucial, but you be at the hospital at 6 am and we will get this done .Needless to say (I HAD SOME SPLANNING TO DO). It was removed and sent out for testing and came back positive .Not just positive but positive for a very aggressive and very fast spreading cancer (EMBRYONAL NONSEMINOMA GERM CELL TUMOR .I had some decisions to make. Now I have to have a major surgery done called a RPLND (Retroperitoneal Lymph Node Disection)
In short this when they remove almost all your lymph nodes, send them out for testing and to see what stage your cancer is in. They surgery took little over 9 hours and they cut me from my breast bone to my pelvic bone It was rough for the next couple of weeks but, "THINGS COULD BE WORSE". Well after what it seemed like a lifetime the doctor called and said he couldn’t believe it but the cancer had spread no where that having the testicale removed took care of it .All I have to do is get recovered, have test, and blood work every three months over the next couple of years to make sure that it does not come back.” IT COULD BE WORSE"
Well now I am on Family medical leave from my employer of over 10 years where I am a senor member of management when I get a phone call that I have to be back at work before my FMLA runs out or I would loose my job .I have a family I cant loose my job so I go back to work against doctors orders. Every thing seems ok except I am not well. A week after I return to work I am terminated the company is cutting back I will say nothing else about that but "THINGS COULD BE WORSE.
I Have had lower back problems all my life had surgery on it when I was 19. While I was trying to find a job and still not healed from my cancer surgery my back is getting worse buy the day So after being told by my doctor several times and now with no insurance I have a MRI done .When my doctor gets the results he calls me and has me come in to go over them .He says you need to file for disability. You have degenerative disk 2 ruptured disks and scar tissue from your previous problems, and perminate nerve damage and it’s just going to get worse. I have since filed for SSDI BEEN rejected and now have a lawyer and a hearing date is near.” THINGS COULD BE WORSE"
Since Feb of 2009 when I lost my father I have been under A bit of stress. I have lost my wife I mean we still live in the same house but that is all I blame me I have not been easy to live with My kids also, they see what this has done to me .That is all on me . I THANK GOD EVERY DAY FOR THE GIFTS HE HAS GIVEN Me. I am down a lot these days it is hard to keep a positive attitude, but I try really hard. My family still has their health and my kids are doing great. I read stories every day of people who have it worse than me. God has reason and a plan for everything. You know, we may never know the reason or see the plan, but they are there. It’s called Having Faith. THINGS COULD BE WORSE THEY WILL GET BETTER.
Again I’m sorry for the spelling and grammar but I hope this will touch at least one life
Aug 12, 2012