It Only Takes A Breath To Change Your Life.It was a Monday. The seventh of March back in 05 around 6 in the evening. The date is branded the time is a guess from memory because the precise time of day wasn't my concern on that day.
It had started over the weekend she had caught a cold, but by Monday it was much worse. The doctor came late morning and diagnosed pneumonia and wanted to hospitalize her but she refused so he prescribed her anti-biotics and left.
A few hours later Tracey turned to me and said "I'm so tired now I want to sleep."
She put her feet on my knee and I started to rub them. This always helped her to fall asleep. She shut her eyes.
Katie, our 19 year old, was sitting eating a bagel. She noticed first. "She's not breathing."
We looked and waited for an inhalation but not came.
I phoned for an ambulance and tried cpr until the ambulance came but the intake of breath never came.
Over the years the grief has turned to numbness which is only now beginning to dissipate. Yes I wanted to die but couldn't abandoned my Katie like that. My mother died three years ago and I still haven't shed a tear for her because of the numbness.
Is the numb strength?