My Life

In the 36 years that I have been alive many things have happened, some good, some bad, happy and sad. I'm thankful for as lot of them. I was blessed with the opportunity to be a mother of three of the funniest and beautiful personalities. I am a wife, daughter, sister, friend and mom of course. To me those I love, and are in need come first, I never come first. People tell me that's wrong but it feels right to me. When I'm asked if I'm happy, I quickly respond "yes" " I have everything I need, my husband, my kids, my parents, the people who love me are with me. I have a roof over my head and food on the table. I'm happy....... or am I? I often feel like a failure, like I don't do enough, like I'm not good enough. I have lost friendships over stupid misunderstandings, I've lost family members who after apologizing will still not forgive me. What have I done? I just care about my kids respecting me and loving me unconditionally. In the mists of all the family drama, which I have tried to fix but I feel is a lost cause, I worry of how it is affecting my parents, my kids, my siblings, their kids and my husband. I don't stop to think of how it's affecting me until I physically feel it and even then I block it out until I start having nightmares and people tell me how much it's affecting me. I try to be a shield, a shelter to protect others from hurt and take it all myself.