Just Letting It OutMy fake self is amazing. She laughs at the right times, says the right things, nods at the right moment. I call my fake self Jack.
Explanation: Sometimes when I'm bored at night I think of how my day’s events would be narrated. ... "She walked into the kitchen thinking she was alone. Seeing her mother she pulled Jack out of her pocket and slipped the mask on."
On the outside they all see Jack. They think nothing is wrong. On the inside, I’m stuck with me. The name of the group hit the nail on the head. I am struggling not to fall apart.
I feel like she, my best friend, needs me right now. She doesn’t realize I need her too. But I can’t need her I just need to be here for her and that’s difficult. I’m always the strongest when someone else needs me. So if I believe she needs me, I won’t fall. But lately she won’t talk to me (not about important things), so it feels like she doesn’t need me. Her not needing me lets me think it is ok to fall apart, but the last thing I need is to fall apart. I need to get away from the constant bouts of sadness. I need an inner Jack, but there’s no Jack to hide me from myself. There’s no Jack to tell me that everything is okay, like my Jack tells everyone else.
I don’t know if I’m making a lot of sense, but it sure did feel good letting it all out.