Trying To Cope

I have been married for 34 years and my husband is a recovering alcoholic who up until 6 years ago was still drinking every day and was an agry drunk.  He never hit me but he verbally abused me until one night I couldn's stand it anymore and I called the police. They arrested him but I did not sign a complaint however they did and he was in jail for 2 months because no one in either of our families would bail him out not he our son.  After he got out of jail he did not drink for 4 years and our marriage was great.  Then in March of last year he picked up the bottle again and by beginning of may he was again drinking everyday.  On May 5th of last year when I got home from work he was not there and I knew something was wrong.  He did not come home all night and I cried all night worried sick about him.  the next day was my birthday and I was feeling really scared and sick that something had happened to him.  Well turns out he slit both his wrist and was in the hospital.  He recovered and for the next 10 months he was in and out of rehabs and mental facilities but I stood by him throughout all of the drinking, drugging and suicide attempts.  On 2 occassions when he did try to kill himself he lefts me letters in which he said he loved me more than anything in the world and would love me forever.  However in March of this year he went into rehab again after me calling 911 as he took pills and was drinking.  While he was in rehab he met a woman who was 15 years younger than him and as he put it they connected he didn't mean for it to happen but he had an affair with her in rehab and ended up leaving me for her.  He left me with a mortgage that I cannot afford so I will be losing my home and he doesn's even care.  All he cares about is himself and I guess this woman.  On top of all of that he actually introduced me to her while he was in rehab and I did not trust as she start talking about her husband who she said she was leaving because he did nothing for her when she was on her drugs.  As everyone knows you cannot do anything for an addict they have to want to do something.    I do not believe anything that this woman said.  As she claims that the home her and her husband were living in was in her name only and if that was the case why are my husband and her living with his x-brother-in-law.  I just cannot believe that after everything that we have been through he could just walk away like I never existed.  It has been a very difficult time for me.  It has been 3 months and I still miss him.  I just go to work, take care of my dog and go see our grandchildren.  I know I need to move on but after all these years I am not sure how to be just me.