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Wife Filled For Divorce.

 

About a month ago my wife filled for divorce.

I'm Belgian and my wife is American we met each other in Belgium in 1993 we married in 1996 and since then lived in California, it has been a rollercoaster ride ever since.

I believe that we grew apart due to me not accepting/adjusting to the USA and missing my home country.

We talked for years to buy a house for our family and last week she bought one  for her and my girls...I felt like a was backstabbed and started to boil inside.

We have 2 girls (7 and 1 ) and now that I'm on my own I'm thinking of going back home and start a new life there.

I hate to leave my girls and the pain of never seeing them again is going to eat me alive,I feel so frustrated that I gave up everything for this women ( leaving all my family and friends, culture  behind etc..)  and now to end up like this.

I need some advise if any of you are in this situation & what I should do.

My wife makes all the $$$ and was able to get a lawyer but not me.

She tells me I should go back home and I could still write and call my girls ( it's like she doesn't care if am around anymore.

Even when I should decide to stay here, I couldn't bear to she her with some other guy and my kids having a nice family.

All of this would make a man turn into a monster.

Best Always

Mario

 

 

flanders0007 flanders0007 36-40, M 5 Responses Jan 17, 2008

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Hi Mario,<br />
<br />
1) Get Belgian Passports for your daughters at the Belgian Embassy. Don't tell your ex.<br />
2) Get your parents set up to help you.<br />
3) Go back to the USA and rent a place near your ex.<br />
4) Have the daughters and your ex build up trust in you.<br />
5) On one of your visits, take the daughters back to Belgium via a different country. <br />
6) Never contact your ex again.<br />
<br />
You made a mistake by fathering children with an American Woman. You can partially correct the mistake by getting the children back. <br />
<br />
If you don't do this soon, you will probably never see your children again and you will have no influence over their lives. They will call another man daddy. <br />
<br />
From an American Man.

Oh gosh... are you unemployed? 'cause if she makes more money than you that's not excuse for treating your like ****.

Hi Mario, wow, do I feel your pain. I just got divorced from my husband last March. I divorced him quickly because he was leaving with the military and he didn't want to have to pay out of that good income. It was ridiculous, but it's the game you have to play in divorce.<br />
<br />
I loved this man and was very committed, but he wasn't as committed as I. For me, I have to remind myself constantly that this is for the best because I don't want to be with a man who doesn't love me as equally as I do. That just isn't fair to me. I am too good of a person. It gets me through some day.<br />
<br />
Let me just say that the hurt you are feeling is completely normal. I turned into a bitter, angry, hurt monster for a while because I was so betrayed by my ex husband. And it kept me depressed. In the end, I relized that being angry all the time was only hurting me, so I gave myself a break and focused more on my life and making it better rather than focusing on him all the time. You are not a monster, you are just reeling from the pain that what you thought would be forever kind of blew up in your face. And I am very sorry for that. After the shock and pain wheres off a little (and trust me, it will, I never thought my pain would end but it is now), that monster will go away. <br />
<br />
I will let you know that my ex left me in a serious bind. He was our sole support while I finished college, so when he left, I flunked my classes, and had no way to support me and our kids. Search for a lawyer, call everyone you can. I managed to find a good lawyer that was totally willing to work with me on the retaining fee. In Oregon, it was 3500. There are some that will do that. And get one, as quickly as possible. Even if you decide to go, you need to do this because she has a lawyer to protect her assets, so you won't get any. You were equally in the marriage and all assets should be divided equally, and most judges see it that way even though I didn't work, so to speak, but I raised the children. Unless there are really unusual circumstance, it should be that way, but you need a lawyer to help you. Even though my ex was able to afford a fancy lawyer, it didn't matter. Basically, in a divorce, it all goes 50-50. Don't let her take everything from you. That is the worse mistake you could make.<br />
<br />
Don't let her take the kids from you either. You can always find a way to see them and be their father. Right now is going to be really hard for you so you really need your family's support to see you through this. That's totally understandable. I would definitely think about going there for a good vacation, maybe a couple of months, and schedule appts. down the road, like the legal proceedings. It would probably be very good for you. But I gotta tell you, it is possible to still father your children. They will love their father first and foremost, and they won't be angry as long as you show them you care and do the best you can. No other man can take your place in their hearts, seriously. And you sound like a man who cares, so I would consider sticking around for them, not her.

Oh goodness what a hard time you're having. Don't turn into monster, be a great father to your girls is all can beat the odd. put your time worthly in girl's life. Don't you see girls are far important it can help you keep on going not to be sad.<br />
I am too divorced for 3 yrs ago. still struggle hate to admit it.<br />
my ex-husband been cheated and marry a woman 4 days before my final divorce without my knowledge. it hurt me of course but it hurts that he doesn't call my sons. alot of time I wish he was best father and be involved in boys life like fishing, teaching some few rope like how to back up boat to the lake things like that but he doesn't. what more he did not send happy birthday calls or letter or any present. I feel for my sons. I sometime so mad but now when I read your story, I am like oh you have to spend your time with your daughters. it the key to make your day. sure hope you can bring your mind into spending your time with daughter, like for example Bruce Wills the actor, He spend his time with his daughters, it amazing father.<br />
wow. hope that helps. Take care, don't forget to pray God to guide you on how to spend time with your daughters.<br />
Seasally

Oh goodness what a hard time you're having. Don't turn into monster, be a great father to your girls is all can beat the odd. put your time worthly in girl's life. Don't you see girls are far important it can help you keep on going not to be sad.<br />
I am too divorced for 3 yrs ago. still struggle hate to admit it.<br />
my ex-husband been cheated and marry a woman 4 days before my final divorce without my knowledge. it hurt me of course but it hurts that he doesn't call my sons. alot of time I wish he was best father and be involved in boys life like fishing, teaching some few rope like how to back up boat to the lake things like that but he doesn't. what more he did not send happy birthday calls or letter or any present. I feel for my sons. I sometime so mad but now when I read your story, I am like oh you have to spend your time with your daughters. it the key to make your day. sure hope you can bring your mind into spending your time with daughter, like for example Bruce Wills the actor, He spend his time with his daughters, it amazing father.<br />
wow. hope that helps. Take care, don't forget to pray God to guide you on how to spend time with your daughters.<br />
Seasally