Can't Seem To Escape This Pointless And Meaningless Relationship.

I have been with my bf for several years. I have no desire to be with this man any longer, but I can't seem to let him go. We have lived together in the past and I left him several times. He has no job and hasn't had one in over 2+ years. I can't take his continuous complaining and whinny behavior. He has been verbally abusive and violent. He loves to talk about himself as if he is some god, talks down about others and expects everyone to hand over something to him. He takes and gives nothing. With no income, he is about to lose his apt. (NO! He's NOT moving in with me!) When we have conversations, I pretty much just sit there and listen to him complain about how bad his life is, how he wants to kill himself, how nothing goes right, hates everyone, the list goes on and on. I can't stand listening to it! I am usually a happy and chipper person, but being around him, only bring me down and depressed. He tells me how much he loves me and I know he does, but man! I can't take this. I prefer being by myself and doing things without him. We have a ton of the same friends, so if I wanna do something without him, I feel I will be "told" on and be jumped on like child. I am in my 40's and am not getting any younger and just want to be happy. I know that since I have been with him, my self esteem has gone down the tubes. My heart is no longer in this relationship and I believe I am just with him for... I have no clue. I need someone to hit me up side the head with a 2x4! LOL Anyway, thank you for letting me vent. I sure needed to do that. :)
diaochan diaochan
41-45, F
Jan 5, 2013