Why Is Love Such An Uphill Battle Sometimes?

I've been in a relationship for over 4 years now.. my parents don't approve of my relationship because he's not my religion, race, culture etc... despite all odds our relationship fostered.. now, I cannot call my relationship perfect.. we've had our major ups and downs.. more than most couples because of such huge differences in our backgrounds.. i think we've gotten through a lot of the differences and issues, except one! All his friends are females, he has not even one male friend! Now, that wouldn't be an issue if I didn't think his friends are inappropriate women.. I can't blame them entirely, I feel like my boyfriend needs to establish boundaries with these women.. they call him or text message him whenever they please... he stays on the phone hours talking to them, when he can't have a single conversation beyond 10 mins... I know part of my reaction is out of jealousy, but what's wrong in expecting to be treated extra special?? Also, he is excellent friends with all his ex-girlfriends.. I hate that!!! I have no reason not to trust him, he's never given me a reason to distrust him.. Today his "ex" is in town and he wants to go hang out with her.. now, to me that's just wrong.. especially when he knows how I feel about it.. he says that I am being insecure and jealous for no reason... he says he and her used to date over 5 years ago and they have nothing going on between them except that they are friends.. why can't he go hang out with his friend? What do you guys think??? I am close to just calling it quits and walking out of this relationship... I don't see a resolution in sight over this issue..

cleopatra2007 cleopatra2007
26-30, F
2 Responses Jul 8, 2007

I feel like I am more or less the guy that you talk about here. So here I'm trying to be honest and hopefully not too blunt. My girlfrend seems to think the same way as you I'm not completely sure why. I believe its because she doesn't love/like herself enough even though she's a beautiful, sexy, caring and loving young woman. I've never crossed a line with any other woman, that line to me being to kiss another woman. I have danced with other female friends I'd even go as far as to say I've flirted, but without real intent. I truely love my girlfriend and I can't think of anyone more perfect. Except for the constant jealousy. I honestly believe what would help far more would be for her to be more confident about herself. If I was going out with my ex nothing would push me into her arms more than my current girlfrend moaning about how much she didn't want me to see her. However if she confidently said "thats fine, but your gonna have a good time with me tomorrow/when you get home/etc" with a dirty smile on her face then I'd be far more looking forward to coming home than the relief I get from going out with my ex to get away from being nagged. But would that make you feel better about the whole situation? I completely agree and disagree with the end of the comment above that if you have a gut feeling that something is not right then its not right. It implies that your boyfriend has cheated on you. But I think the gut feeling is more that the relationship perhaps isn't right for you. Especially if you've had past relationships which did feel right? Anyway I hope things work out for the best and you are happy one way or the other.

I am sorry you are having such a struggle. One of the most awful feelings a person has to experience if that of jealousy. Especially when it's so easy for your partner to say "it's nothing, stop being jealous". My jealousy has ended many relationships. It's hard to not feel that way, especially if your boyfriend has several female friends and is still close friends with his ex. I feel that when you are with someone and you love them, you should respect them and the way they feel. In this case, it sounds like your boyfriend needs to respect you not feeling right about him meeting up with his ex. Or, maybe as an alternative you could both go meet with her for dinner? If he is not willing to change and continue to call you jealous, I would highly consider stepping back and see if you will always feel this way or if there is a way that you two can work out an agreement and tell him how you feel. If he doesn't listen or doesn't feel that you are being fair. I would say bye bye. I hope all works out for you, I definitely know how you feel and it's not fun! Always remember- if you have that "gut" feeling about something not being right, it's usually a key that's something not right...... Best of luck to you!