Advice For Women On Meeting Men And Finding A Husband.

I commented on a post made by a young woman who seemed to me to be a bit lonely and wanted to find a husband but had not had any luck. It made me think about what should a woman do. Here are my ideas.

I have to confess that the anonymity of the internet means that I have been much more direct here than I would ever be in real life. I would never in real life seek to tell someone what to do but here I find myself doing just that.

1. Make it a goal.
Don't tell anyone. This is your personal goal. Has anyone ever told you that their goal was to find a husband? No!. Anyway often people don't support you when you tell them a goal, they pull you down. Look what happens when someone says they are going on a diet. People even try to break it by pressuring them into having more cake. But do write it down and put it up where you will see it first thing every day.

2. Pray
I am a christian and I believe that we should give it all to God and ask God's help and guidance.
If you do not believe then I would say at least every day, take a minute to meditate, or even just think and be calm.

2. Dress up
Dress cute, dress sporty, look hot.
Guys are visual creatures. Looking great does not guarantee you will connect but looking dowdy will ensure you won't. Remember it is better to be over dressed than under dressed. This means girls better to be dressed a little more formally. Heels, hose and short skirts. But keep a sports bag in the car with joggers and sports clothes and towel and swimming costume. Practice this. Even in your home. No dagy clothes. ever. There is no lounging round in a trackie. No excuses that you can't clean in a skirt.

2. Get out
for some reason, single, intelligent, good looking.... guys are not going to just show up at your door. And lets be honest, you probably are not going to advertise your address on the internet.
I know it can be scary to go to new places but do. Start anyway with making sure that you are getting out to get fit but also get out to meet people. I would suggest that you go to the local cafes and pubs. Local social sporting clubs where you play I mean not just watch. Over here there are social touch footie, mixed netball, tennis (you can wear that little tennis dress), austag and I am sure if I asked around I could find others. Also consider volunteering but be careful not to get dragged in to an organisation. If it's full of 80 year olds, it may be doing good work but it is inconsistent with your main game girl. Consider voluntary groups which are active like surf life saving but also be careful you do not end up in a stuck behind the counter role. Make sure you have a role where you work with guys but also be careful not to be seen as one of the guys. Its a fine line. Keep a smile on your face and be positive.

Getting out makes you feel better and you meet people.

2. Look up, catch his eye, Smile.
Walk around looking at the ground and avoiding eye contact does not give the guy a chance. My suggestion is to practice this starting with shop keepers. Look them in the eye and smile and say positive things. Beat them to the "have a nice day" speach as you pay your money and make sure you look at them while you do it. Continue to practice looking at people and smiling and saying nice things. It will make you feel good too.

2. Loose weight
OK sure anorexic is a turn off for most guys but as we all know, most of us could loose a few pounds. So unless you have already achieved this then getting skinny is part of the goal. Loosing weight comes from what you eat. You do not loose weight through exercise. Yes you need to exercise. That tones your body and makes you feel good plus you meet people. But exercise does not reduce weight. It just turns fat into mussle. To loose weight, you need to eat less and what you do eat needs to be healthy. And I mean a lot less. Learn to love the hungry feeling. If you are hungry it means you are working on your goal. Learn to cook and eat helthy. If you want to know where to start - dump the carbs - no bread, no pasta and no alcohol.

2. Talk
You need to talk to them. If a man speaks to you then you talk to him. Answer his questions with a smile.

3. Read
Read a book called the 5 love languages. Understand that different people feel love different ways. When you are courting or going out, you tend to exude all the love languages. Make sure you do and look for his love languages and speak them loud. I am sure there are some other good books out there and when I remember I will add them to this list.

Now you may have noticed that most of these are numbered 2. That is because you do them all together. You do not wait until you have the perfect body in the sexiest clothes and have practiced chatting up the mirror and the grocer. You do all this together and you do it all the time.

There is a little thing to note of course. That is eating and drinking is a social activity. So when you are out at a place where you are likly to meet someone and food is on offer then it is OK to eat and drink alcohol (if you do drink alcohol, You might be confident enough to give it up). But do learn to keep your glass and just sip it, smile and chat. Do not gorge yourself. A woman with a mouth full of food is not attractive. Neither is a guy who speaks with his mouth full either I should say.

And a few don'ts.
Never say bad things about anyone. Not at home. Not to others. Always say positive things. No bitching. You will become what you say. Say positive and you will become positive. ***** and you will become a *****.

No sex. I do not believe that people should have sex outside of marriage. Now no sex does not mean no attention. Build up. Make it special. Tease & flirt will keep his attention. Once he has had sex then he has had it and you have to ask what is next. Keep sex for within marriage. High standards say high value. So far you have been doing all the work. Guys are motivated by goals. The goal of sex. He needs to see it is achievable but he has to work for it.

kristenw kristenw
26-30, F
1 Response Nov 28, 2012

Erm, why no sex outside of marriage, other than this is what your church/religious beliefs tell you to do? Is marriage the holy grail? No. Morality is. You can be fully, sexually active and still be a responsible caring lover/partner, outside of marriage. I suppose homosexuality outside of marriage is OK if your country/state/church/religious beliefs/laws don't allow for homosexual/same sex marriage? Or is that just another no-no? Believe it or not, you can actually have sex outside of marriage and still be intelligent, fair, honest and lots of other nice things and, get this, still be moral and not believe in god (capital letter deliberately omitted.)
Churches and religions had their time and place, prior to real laws being put in place that affect real people in the real, modern world. There's a whole lot wrong with the modern world, but this has always been the case, throughout modern and ancient history. Churches and religions will never change human nature. As socially conscious and developed as we in the "First World" like to believe we are, we are still hard-wired for fear, lust, vengeance, survival, hunger, etc. I do think that one day this may possibly change but we are talking hundreds of thousands of years in all probability. However... Think how you would feel if you were about to die (i.e. being attacked) and the only way you could survive is to kill another human being. Imagine if your daughter was raped and you witnessed it. And you could do something about it. I appreciate that we all live in a cotton candy world where possible. Other don't. They react to survive. They do survive. Try to remember how and why.
I don't admire dogs for their "loyalty"; I pity them and the thought depresses me. This is how the lower classes have been controlled by churches and state throughout history. Because they should obey and be loyal subjects to the ruling classes. Oh dear.

Hi Marty999,
Thank you for your contribution.

In my own defence, I did state in my first paragraph that these were my ideas. I was not trying to force them but rather suggesting ideas to consider.

I have a really strong christian faith. I love God and I belong to a church. However I understand that that not every one is convicted as I am and I try hard not to be judgental to them. So again in the paragraph where I talked about praying I also acknowledged that if the person did not believe then just spend some time thinking and being calm and focussing.

We will have to disagree on dogs and loyalty I am afraid.

For me the Church has great meaning now and I believe in the future. The church will change as society and people change.

The final thing I would like to say is that I still believe that no sex is the right thing. I did not try to link it to my religeous beliefs.

I hope my response has been acceptable.