Just Me...trying To Keep It All Together :/

Ok for starters my name is Krista, I'm twenty years old and a college student. I've honestly never really had it all together but lately it's been so much worse and I'm to the point where I just don't know what to do. It started getting really out of control in April when my boyfriend and I broke up. We'd been through some major stuff and I was completely and totally without a single doubt in my mind head over heels wanted to take his last name in love with him. We broke up because he didn't want me to have to wait on him for 4 years, he had just graduated Marine Corps boot camp and while he was in boot realized that it wasn't fair to me or to him to make me wait on him for that long.(OORAH if you're a Marine or a Marine GF/Wife/Family member!) Anyways I was totally broken after we broke up, completely just well you know how it is to be heart broken...I thought that after a couple of months it would pass and everything would be ok, I would be ok. Well here it is halfway through July and I'm so far from being ok it's not even funny. I honestly think I'm depressed...like clinically depressed. I wake up and instantly feel sad or mad and just want to cry. I have to put so much energy into putting on a happy face and acting like I'm fine. I just don't know what to do...i'm tired of being like this. It's like I'm not even the same person I used to be like I'm just an empty shell or something. I can't take being this way anymore and I'm not sure what I can do to make it better. Trying to keep it together is causing so many problems that my little OCD quirks I had before like about cleaning and numbers and organization etc are getting worse, my stomach issues which they think may be gall bladder attacks are coming back and I'm just freakin miserable all the time. OMG it feels so good to get all of this down, to let it all out. I've been acting like everything is ok for so long and i know that the couple of people that can see through my act are worrying but idk what to do, it's almost like idk how to be happy anymore which scares the living hell out of me. But it's late so I'm going to bed...
strong4him strong4him
18-21, F
1 Response Jul 20, 2010

Try not to focus on this, perhaps it will help. Realizing it's in your mind and it's not as powerful as you think may be a good start.