My Struggle

Well I am 22 and i have been through so much in my life and i have finally hit my braking point. I finally can not hold anymore weight on my shoulders. When i was 16 my first love commited suicide...I found him with a note in his hand for me and he was lifeless. I had to deal with nightmaers of it. Than that same year my two best friends took advantage of me. I dont trust people and let people in as easy anymore and my self eastem is horrible. Everytime i look in the mirror i see someone that looks sooo very duscusting. I feel like i could scratch my skin off. I had men that i was with that used me as their payment for their drugs and would let them sexualy abuse me. From the age 18 to 21 I was in a physicaly and mentally abusive relationship. Now i am 22 and was diegnosted with breast cancer! I finally have hit my braking point i am trying so hard to hold it all together for everyone else. I brake down at night and i wish i had the guts to end it all so no one had to hurt like they do. My husband is a Marine and since we got married we have spent 6 days together. Now he seems like he does not care about me having cancer and that he keeps telling em he could find someone else and i will never do better. Well i can not handle it and im ready to give it all up! ready to just put up my white flag and let god take me! i can not handle this pain feeling so worthless and feeling so lost!