My Struggle

Well I am 22 and i have been through so much in my life and i have finally hit my braking point. I finally can not hold anymore weight on my shoulders. When i was 16 my first love commited suicide...I found him with a note in his hand for me and he was lifeless. I had to deal with nightmaers of it. Than that same year my two best friends took advantage of me. I dont trust people and let people in as easy anymore and my self eastem is horrible. Everytime i look in the mirror i see someone that looks sooo very duscusting. I feel like i could scratch my skin off. I had men that i was with that used me as their payment for their drugs and would let them sexualy abuse me. From the age 18 to 21 I was in a physicaly and mentally abusive relationship. Now i am 22 and was diegnosted with breast cancer! I finally have hit my braking point i am trying so hard to hold it all together for everyone else. I brake down at night and i wish i had the guts to end it all so no one had to hurt like they do. My husband is a Marine and since we got married we have spent 6 days together. Now he seems like he does not care about me having cancer and that he keeps telling em he could find someone else and i will never do better. Well i can not handle it and im ready to give it all up! ready to just put up my white flag and let god take me! i can not handle this pain feeling so worthless and feeling so lost!
KarlaBaer KarlaBaer
22-25, F
3 Responses Apr 7, 2012

Thank you ladys. As it gets closer to my surgery date i have been getting more and mor edown and more and more emotional. It is a hard path for any women to walk but i think its even harder when i am trying to start my life and get knocked back down!

I know how you feel about the giving up aspect. I think that it is obvious your past has not been what you wanted it to be but I pray that the future for you is brighter and full of hope.

sweetie first you must love yourself ...and get the cancer taken care it ...after that you must think long and hard about you want out of this life ....hugs and prayers